A Family Where There Once Was None

She's here!

2012-01-23T14:41:00.004-07:00

Olive Christianne Starks
January 18, 2012
1:22 in the morning
7 bs, 9 oz
20" long

Olive's Birth Story

(As I wrote about before, I tested positive for Group B Strep while pregnant with Olive so we made a last minute switch from our planned home-birth with our naturopathic doctor/midwife to a nurse midwife who would deliver in a birth center so that I could receive IV antibiotics (a standard for GBS positive moms but something my ND wasn't comfortable administering at home). Connie Garcia and her staff at Babymoon Inn took me in as family and turned a nightmare into a real dream come true.)

The story of Olive Christianne's birth begins with her papa and me learning just exactly what her name means: "peaceful bearer of Christ." And she has not only shown to behave true to that name (she is a very peaceful baby), but also that she would be entering the world in that same fashion. But of course, I can say that now in retrospect.

For those that don't know, homebirths and birth center births are only recomended for low risk women. One of the criteria for low risk is that you deliver before 42 weeks. As I was 41 weeks and three days pregnant, however, I knew my days were numbered. As the days of my pregnancy kept climbing, I began to feel anxious not only about that, but also about the size of this late baby. India (our first) was 9 lbs. I wondered if little Olive would soon be approaching 10 plus! Either way, I could see my new dream ending in my less than ideal plans and had no idea what to do. Except pray...

My husband came home on Monday (January 16) and we spent the evening deep in prayer and sharing our thoughts and (my) fears about this baby and birth. The Lord began preparing us for little Olive right then and there--our little peaceful bringing in of the Lord. I woke up the next morning with contractions. Feeling those contractions was so freeing! It meant I could still deliver my Olive as I wanted: naturally and in the birth center with Connie. But when those contractions came to a sudden stop about three hours later, I was devastated. I began to feel slightly angry with the little one in my tummy. I knew the clock was ticking and there is something inside every mom who knows she sometimes has to fight for what she knows is best for her baby. I knew that a Babymoon birth was just that for us. And while I was open to whatever the Lord had for us, I knew He had directly led us here for a reason.

That afternoon we had an appointment with Connie and I knew that we would be going there to discuss how to get things moving (castor oil and other less than ideal methods). I very much wanted this baby to come on her own (as I had with Dia) but I knew that if I waited too long, it might be too late. Oh the anxiety and pressure! As I showered and dressed, though, the contractions started again. I knew Olive was telling me she was coming...I just didn't know when and how to explain that to the midwives. I also didn't want to get my hopes up in case these contractions stopped again. When my contractions started with my first baby, India, they had begun in the evening and ended in the morning with her birth. I was not prepared for this starting and stopping. I was aware, however, that this child is her own person and that each birth is different.

And even though I had to stop talking for each contraction in the car ride to Connie's office, I still couldn't let myself believe that I was in labor. If the contractions were to stop again like they had that morning, I worried that the stress, anxiety and disappointment would simply be too much to handle. So when we walked into the office for the checkup and I could hardly talk and was in obvious discomfort, I vehemently denied that I was in labor but rather was just "in pain." And yes, they all looked at me as though I was crazy woman I am. Upon checking me, I was 2 centimeters dilated but that hadn't changed from my appointment three days earlier. This slow movement only confirmed in my mind that I should not get my hopes up. Rory and I planned to head home but I knew the midwives were thinking otherwise. They ever so brilliantly stalled me by suggesting that I at least get a round of antibiotics in before leaving, that way if the contractions continued, I would be covered--you know, "just in case."

As contractions kept coming about every ten minutes, it took a bit for me to waddle across the street from Connie's office to the actual center where they would administer the IV and where I would also soon be delivering. I had a hard time sitting comfortably, but before long I had received the full dose and planned on heading out to dinner. Connie kept telling me that I looked "an awful lot like a woman in labor," but I couldn't let myself believe such good news. I denied it and promised that once I ate, the contractions would dissipate. But it took nearly an hour for me to get up and make it outside to the car because of how painful the contractions were and just my general sense of discomfort. Connie said she wouldn't head home until I called after dinner, so once we finally made it outside, drove to a hamburger spot (it sounded SO GOOD!) and ate it in the car (yep, too uncomfortable to go inside to sit and eat but still I denied any sign of labor), I called Connie to tell her we were going home. We thought we still had plenty of time (if it even was the real thing). She suggested I at least get checked since I was still nearby, so we drove back. I had gone from 2 centimeters to 4 in that time and they knew I was indeed in labor. I, however, insisted that I could be 4 centimeters for days still and wanted to go home. They suggested I wait for the second round of antibiotics. (Connie is one brilliant woman, as I am sure you can tell. She never argued with me. Just outsmarted me.) By that time the contractions were still regular, painful and increasing. They knew (and said as much) that if I went home, I likely would be in too much pain to come back. And an unassisted home birth was not in anyone's plan, so I acquiesced and we began to settle in. I called my mom to tell her I was staying the night but that I wasn't sure I was in labor (Connie's midwife assistant looked at me incredulously--I ignored that.). That was at 8:30pm Tuesday, January 17th. When she checked me again I was at 5 and she said the rest would probably go fast, but I, of course, didn't believe her.

We puttered around the birth center (it's basically a house with all of the comforts of home and the amenities and accreditation of a birth center), watched tv, bounced on the birth ball and then Rory took Dia home to stay the night with his mom. I had to text him around 9:30 or so because it was really beginning to hurt my back. I needed him and his strong hands to help me through the contractions at this point. Connie prayed over me and I remember saying that I couldn't believe I was about to have two (babies). Joy and pain mingled there in that sacred space right before you are changed forever by the birth of your child. I also remember asking her if it was worth it to have a natural birth. It may have been two years, but I still knew exactly what was about to happen as I delivered my daughter. And I knew it was going to hurt.

Rory got there around 10 or so but by 11pm, I was tired and just wanted to rest. Connie had gone in to rest and I felt the tediousness of labor and just wanted to lie down. Connie's assistant, Kylie, felt I should keep things going but as you can probably guess, I didn't believe it would help. She offered to break my water, but I knew then that we'd be on a time clock (if Olive didn't come 18 hours after that I would be high risk again and forced to transfer to the hospital). She then suggested (and I apologize for the "graphic" nature of this) nipple stimulation. We opted, although less than enthusiastically, for the second suggestion. We gave it maybe ten minutes (with lots of joking and teasing). I certainly didn't think it would have any effect. And then it hit: hard labor. Contraction on top of contraction. I couldn't sit. I couldn't stand. I couldn't do anything but focus on the tremendous waves that were overtaking me.

I had warned the midwives that I while I have no respect or place for profanity in my life, I had colored India's birth with the ugliest of words. I screamed them at the top of my lungs, in fact. I had been vocal and out of control. I began pushing before I had the natural urge and I ended up with a good size tear. While it had been a great experience overall, I hoped those things would be different this time around. And as hard labor started, instead of screaming and crying, I went silent. I disappeared somewhere deep inside my head and as the praise music played in the background, I did my best to just endure. They asked if I was having a contraction but even as the contractions were nearly on top of one another, I couldn't reply. I walked into the shower and had Rory hold the sprayer on my back as I bent over the stool, gripped with pain. I had somehow lost my clothes in the process and after some time in the shower I walked back to the bedroom to crawl into the huge whirlpool tub. I moved all around in various positions all while having Rory hold the sprayer on my back. And all the while, totally silent. Until I decided I couldn't take it anymore and informed them (Connie had come in at this point), that I would be transferring to the hospital and that I would not be delivering at the Inn. This got everyone moving as they knew the baby would be here soon. Connie called the two assistants thinking we had about an hour or so until Olive would be here. But then I stood in the bath, squatted low and let out the "gutteral" scream (Rory does a great impression of this, by the way, just so you know). They asked if I had to push and as I squatted again, I screamed, "I think so!"

There are some brilliant opportunities in life where we get to see who it is exactly that we have married. Right then and there I knew I had married a very good man. As I began to push, Rory instinctively jumped into the bath (it was maybe two inches full) fully clothed and threw his arms under mine. I fell back into him completely and my feet found two spots to rest on in the tub (although I was out of the water). I began breathing fast and pushing without any rhyme or reason when he stopped me, reminded me to breathe slowly and talked me through the pushing. (The midwives later said that they wished they could have recorded this part because it was just perfect!) He helped me get control of myself and the pushing, and unlike the first time, I found myself completely aware of what I was doing and what my body needed me to do. 12 minutes of pushing later, and Olive was in my arms! It was the most surreal moment. Having spent the last few hours denying my labor, I certainly wasn't prepared to be holding her that early Wednesday morning.

I find it hard to say just exactly how long I was in labor, mostly because I denied it for so long, I imagine. But I do know that Kylie's suggestion turned things around instantly and the hard labor wasn't more than three hours. I tore only slightly (mostly along where I had before, though not as deep or far) and never once uttered a word of profanity. It was soundtracked by praise music and ended with Olive in my arms as I lay in my husband's. I felt in control and fully supported. Although, it did take a while for reality to set in. I had my Olive! I had been in labor after all!

Rory and I have to thank the wonderful people at Babymoon Inn. Not only has every single person been kind and welcoming, but their expertise is what has inspired our confidence in them the most. If they hadn't insisted we stay that night or insisted we "get things going," I don't know what would have happened. I do know, though, that beginning and continuing this child's life with prayer is perhaps the best thing we've ever done. Thank You, Lord, for our miracle and the gentle ways she is already pointing us closer to You.

O Love!

2012-01-15T22:42:00.005-07:00

I suppose part of technology's drive forward stems from our own fascination with it. The "human" side to the plastic and metal "books," boxes and phones. None of this is more entertaining than the typo. There are entire blogs dedicated to funny typos, most due nowadays to predictive text. But, to me, nothing tops the little joy I get from when I somehow mistype "Olive" (as in the sweet girl who is due to join us any day now!) and it shows up as "O love". I just love it! (No pun intended.)

O love. Or as my mom likes to say, "Olive you!" (For "I love you!")

We certainly didn't intend it, but our girls' names have had some fun meanings and connections.

For one, both of them begin and end with vowels. Both are exactly five letters long and contain the same number of vowels and consonants (3 vowels, 2 consonants) but only have the letter "I" in common. Both names have concrete meanings in something other than a name: obviously a country and a fruit. And yet both harken back to old English names.

And the other day I was trying to come up with a fun artistic way to express my girls (I had been given a coffee mug that you can draw/write on and I wanted to put an image on it that would capture my daughters) when I decided to draw an olive tree by a river (India means water or river--it comes from the Indus River). I was suddenly struck by the Psalmist's depiction of a wise man being like a tree firmly planted by the water. What an inspiring and God-glorifying image! Grounded, flourishing, strong and fulfilled. What more could I ask for in my daughters? (This was also the verse and image I had on our fridge during my entire pregnancy with India. I kept it there as a reminder for when I would worry or get anxious about India's birth so it has special significance in that way as well.)

Olive was due last week and while Dia was five days late herself, this time I find myself far less patient. I have had so little to worry about with this pregnancy (I've been distracted with running, moving, decorating, creating social groups and running my house), I think that my type A worrier has decided to focus on the birth. So while I have no reason to, I worry that Olive will be too late to deliver her in the birth center like we have planned. At 42 weeks we are considered high-risk and may have to go to the hospital for induction and the like. This whole pregnancy I thought for sure I would deliver early. I also was confident that Dia was a boy. Apparently, I am not as in tune I'd like to think!

We had been seeing our naturopathic doctor/midwife throughout these last nine months in preparation for having Olive at home like we did with India. For some reason, though, I never quite had peace with our decision. It wasn't the homebirth itself as much as the connection, or lack thereof, that I felt with our ND. She's a wonderful doctor and I'll continue to see her, but I just knew something wasn't right as far as Olive's birth and the plans we were making. I couldn't explain it, but it kept nagging me. We prayed and even interviewed other midwives, but still, it just wasn't right. We continued seeing our doctor, though, right up until the 37th week. A little bit late in the game, she came back with my results from my Group B Strep test and they showed elevated cultures--meaning we had to make a new game plan. Now, to be fair, this doctor did not handle this situation very well. I'm sorry, but she just missed the boat on this one. I had gone in for our regular visit when at the end, she sits down, looks over my chart and says, "Oh, and we have some bad news. Your results came back positive." We sat there dumbfounded. Results? For what? (I had taken the test a few weeks back.) "You have GBS."

"What does that mean?" My husband asked.

"Um, well, the baby could die, she (nodding my direction) could die. It's a big deal. But we'll just get going on (oral) antibiotics and everything will be fine." She pretty much ended our appointment right there and we were so stunned we didn't know what else to say.

Hmm...baby, die and fine. Nope. Those words could not harmonize in my head. The next day the receptionist from her office called to tell me the doctor had left some literature for me to come pick up, take home and read. So I did. I read it on the couch alone while Dia napped. I read the risks of my baby dying from a bacteria I couldn't help prevent. Alone. Weeks before she was due. This created somewhat of a panic situation for me. I just sat there and bawled. And felt completely helpless.

Of course I ran straight to Jesus and just prayed and prayed. We had our company Christmas party that night and my husband was fighting a cold, it was hard to focus and yet I knew I had to keep pushing forward. Thankfully, I am blessed with a dear friend who, as a RN, often has just the expertise I need. She ended up connecting me with a midwife who runs a birth center and in a series of what can only be God-ordained circumstances, Rory and I were sitting with her face to face in less than 24 hours. Having delivered over 2400 babies and given birth to 5 herself, she was just the compassionate, experienced soul I needed. Rory and I knew instantly that we wanted to transfer care to her and we did just that. I would never have planned anything other than a homebirth. We had had a wonderful experience with India's birth at home. But the Lord had prompted me from the beginning that while I would go ahead and make my plans, He would be directing my steps. And here we are. I am still on good terms with our original doctor, but left the birth center for the first time with peace about Olive's birth. I never would have guessed, but I'm just so grateful for every single person at the birth center and how the Lord has been so faithful to us! So far, everyone we have met there is also a Christian and I love being able to talk about the Lord with them.

We are ready, for you, Olive!

India Turned Two! (And other great memories from the last few months while I've been MIA)

2012-01-15T21:46:00.003-07:00

"To be a mother is the greatest happiness."

I found this saying in a framed art piece in the clearance section of TJ Maxx. Dia was only months old and I just had to have it. It sits in my kitchen currently and I read it often. It is so true.

Our sweet bug turned two a few months back and, for better or worse, I consciously decided not to be behind the camera that day. I wanted to be very present in every moment of her special day--especially because as she ages, she is increasingly more aware of how special these days are. And I wanted nothing more than to share in it with her. And we had so much fun! However, we have so few pictures. I have learned to assign an official photographer so that this doesn't happen again! But for now, I'll have to tell the story with actual words and not just pixels.

We kept it small...but in our family, just blood-relatives make up over 25 people. So it was small-ish. And as with her first birthday, we asked for no presents. Which, as was also true of last year, was completely ignored. People love to give! And we were very blessed by their generosity. We did acquiesce, however, and allow immediate family to come early if they wanted to watch Dia open their gifts. It's hard to be principled sometimes--especially over something as harmless as birthday gifts for a two-year old! Still, though, I do dream of a day when we can all gather together to celebrate each other without spending so much money and focusing on "What'd ya get?!"

But what really counts is that Dia really enjoyed herself, our family was able to bless her with lots of fun things and everyone had fun.

This year we didn't invite any of Dia's friends from her playgroups. I think she was the only two-year old there! We had former neighbors with kids ranging from four to twelve-ish, family friends who were either younger or older and my cousin's daughter who is a year older than D. It felt like a real family party and the highlight for Dia was when two of the older girls got together and performed a dance routine (they had made it up and rehearsed it in the backyard) where at the end they shouted, "Happy birthday, Dia!" I filmed it and Dia has asked to watch it repeatedly! At one point in the party, most of the girls all laid together in the grass with their feet in the air and I could tell Dia felt special to be in the "group." Everyone is so sweet to her and she loves watching and imitating.

And I firmly believe that in the three months since that party, she has become a true preschooler. She is simply not a toddler anymore. We talk about things like attitude, making choices and the alphabet. She expresses emotions, desires and offers suggestions for doing things differently (e.g., tonight at bedtime, after we told her she couldn't sleep with the grape vine/stems that she had been clutching long after she had finished the grapes themselves because it could poke her while she slept, she thought for a minute and explained how she would hold them very low so that they wouldn't touch her face). She is inventive that's for sure!

The other day she had begun to get a rude attitude in the car. Granted, it was her naptime, but I still wanted to address it if for nothing else so that we could build it on another time when she was rested. I tried talking to her about her attitude and asked her if she knew what kind of attitude she had.

"Angry, " she answered. I was surprised she was so self-aware!
"That's right," I said, trying to keep up. "Why do you think you have an angry attitude?"
"My tired."

Ha! Well, folks, there you have it. 27 months old and as Rory puts it, she knows her own emotions better than he does!

My main focus for this brilliant time in her life is finding a balance of encouraging her independent spirit and strong will while still teaching her to use those gifts wisely. She has a strong will. There is no other way around it. To squash that will not create in her the gentle spirit the Lord desires for her. To "beat" it out of her will not raise a woman confident enough to follow Jesus from her core. And yet, to let her express herself without discernment will only leave her broken. This is hard! So very hard. And it's not because of her strong will--I would have the same problems if her nature was shy and reserved. Learning to hone our strengths while submitting them to the Lord's discipline so that we all might be edified is no easy task. I believe this is called life. Thankfully, the Lord meets me here regularly and I know He has prosperous plans for India!

I have been very blessed by Dr. Sears' books on child-rearing. They help give me a clue into why Dia does certain things. This has relieved so much frustration on my part! It's not an excuse for wrong behavior, but it does help me focus on her heart and attitude--the life blocks that will guide her long after I'm gone--instead of merely centering on the face-value of her behavior. I can tell, also, that she looks at me differently when I try to understand what she's wanting or intending instead of losing my temper over her own frustration. I like to think that it helps us build trust instead of lose it.

This brings me to so many other facets of being a mother: home-schooling and my personal experiences with children who grew up saying all the right things and then went on to a life far from Jesus and plagued with poor decision-making; my struggle to balance my needs with a life that ultimately is all about my children (and vice-versa); how I serve the Lord on a daily basis; and so much more. Really, to raise my daughters is to live. It serves to give me the glorious opportunity to focus in on what really matters--every day. What a life!

What a happiness!

Our Pretty Little Tiger

2011-08-31T21:56:00.004-07:00

We went to Dia's first carnival at a local play area and we showed her a poster of face painting. We asked her if she wanted a flower or horsey. Her eyes lit up, she pointed and exclaimed, "Tiger!" We left it on her for a few days and she would run to the mirror each morning saying, "Mama, tiger! My's tiger!" She loved being a tiger. And we loved it, too. She now uses her puzzle frame and a straw and pretends to paint our faces (including Depot), too. She can do a giraffe, a puppy and just about anything you want with just a few flicks of the straw. Each color stands for a different animal, apparently, and she is a very serious artist. :) Not to mention, adorable enough to eat.

I Want, I Want, I Want

2011-08-31T21:18:00.003-07:00

Sadly this isn't a post about the selfish cries of my two-year old.

I'm suffering from a bad case of "But, I wanna!"

Not necessarily one to comb the malls, scan the magazines or even shop online, I do encounter certain things that I simply must have. MUST. HAVE. I see it and instantly know that I want it.

Currently I'm envying over the 13.1.

Have you seen them? Those fabulous bumper stickers that say 13.1. I WANT ONE. MUST. HAVE.

But, of course, it's not one of those stickers you can just go out and buy. You have to earn one of those beauties. Specifically speaking, you have to run 13.1 miles. A half-marathon.

Sigh.

I got it in my head about a year ago that I wanted, no, NEEDED, one. I got together with my favorite and fitness-booty-saving Stroller Strides instructor and we planned to train for the Nike Women's in San Francisco. One of the most popular races in the country, the Nike Women's selects (at random) only a certain amount of racing teams to participate. When we weren't selected, I was truly sad. But we consoled ourselves with the fact that the P.F. Chang's was only a few months after that and that we could train just as well for a race in town.

And then I found out we're pregnant! And not just pregnant. Due to deliver exactly four days after the P.F. Chang's. Hmm...somehow I don't see myself running the 13.1 at a full 40 weeks.

So I've settled for a 5k here in town in October.

Can I tell you something, though? I can barely breathe after running a mile! Looks like I may be walk/running those 3.1 miles.

I wonder if they make a bumper sticker that says 3.1? Maybe I can just scratch out the "1" in front of my coveted "13.1"...and then after Olive and a few months of training, I'll fill it back in.

DAUGHTERS!

2011-08-18T21:43:00.004-07:00

Did you catch the plural there?

Daughterssssss.....as in more than one. Yep.

We are having a little girl!!!!

A beautiful (you can totally tell she's gorgeous even in the ultrasound), perfectly healthy baby girl. Due this January, Olive Christianne will be India June's baby sister and our newest daughter.

AND I'M JUST SO EXCITED!!!!!!

Dia sporting her "Big Sister" shirt while being excited :)

Olive means "peaceful" and Christianne is a feminine form of Christopher, Rory's middle name, which means "bearer of Christ." (Actually, all of Rory's family has a middle name beginning with "Christ" so Olive will not just carry on her Papa's name, but his whole family's tradition.) So we have ourselves a sweet little "Peaceful Bearer of Christ" in her papa's tradition.

And with two strong personalities ahead of her (her mama and older sister), she just may be a little more on the peaceful side if you know what I mean. We instantly knew this would be her name. And just like with Dia, I cried when I heard it. With both of our children now, I realize that we are more discovering their name rather than just choosing it. We really feel that their persons and spirits are already well-established before the Lord and it's our job to "tune-in" to who they are.

Dia and Liv. Olive and India. DD and Livy. I can just see a beautiful friendship already.

In fact, when the ultra-sound tech told Dia she would have a sister, Dia cried.

"NO! Girl!"

She wanted the baby to be a girl and thought that a sister wasn't a girl. How cute is that? We explained that a sister is a girl and that was met with giggles and a hearty, "Yay!" As we've been slowly talking more and more about the baby to come now that we have a name (Dia says "Olif"--so adorable), we explained that Baby Olive will come to live with us forever and even sleep in bed with us. That night Rory went to lay his head next to Dia's and she got upset saying, "No, Papa! Baby Olif sleep there!" Without any prompting, she has also taken to kissing my belly. My prayer is that her protection over and love for this new sweetheart will carry on long into their adulthood and throughout their long lives serving the Lord together.

One of the best things about the ultra-sound is that it's done at home by an amazing and talented professional who also records our voices along with the full ultra-sound so we will have our reactions to this blessed news on a DVD to enjoy forever. Not to mention, her first glorious images to savor forever--just like with India.

The other day I went to return some shirts at a local off-the-rack department store. I prayed while in line that the Lord would grant me favor from the cashier (I didn't have my receipt and was pretty sure I was well passed the 30-day return policy deadline anyway). He completely granted me favor and the cashier even gave me a knowing look as she explained that she knew the shirts weren't worth anywhere near what she was giving me in store credit. I couldn't help but thank Him (and her, of course), but somewhere deep down I felt so unworthy of the full amount I received when I didn't really deserve it. I now think that was a teeny tiny little glimpse into the favor He has had in store for Rory and me. Knowing that we will have two healthy daughters...well, of course I haven't been able to stop thanking the Lord. But I also feel so unworthy. Children are a blessing. A blessing FROM THE LORD, He says. They are pure gifts. And here, selfish, horribly flawed, completely unqualified us gets two. Two daughters to love and raise and nurture before the Lord. I don't think I could ask for anything more!

Thank You, Lord, for Your favor! For the blessing of two daughters. They are nothing but gifts and I praise You forever for such favor. Thank You. Be with us each day and night as we learn and struggle and rejoice through parenthood. Teach us to love as You do. And to be as patient and gracious as You are. In all ways and things, let our family be a testament, a glory, an example and following of You and Your Son, our ultimate gift. Cause our home to be a living testimony and praise to You always--in strength and weakness, good times and hard. Lead us all closer to each other and nearer to You. I also continue to ask You for health and strength for all of us and Baby Olive as she continues to grow. In the name of Your Precious Son, Amen.

Baby Olive, we can't wait to meet you!

The Honor of a Legacy

2011-08-01T18:52:00.004-07:00

I know that when home-schooling somewhat fell into my family's lap back in 1993, my parents were hopeful that I would not have the same educational and social experiences they had. Rory's parents also chose home-schooling making efforts so that their son would not repeat their own history.

Rory and I don't have that concern when it comes to educating India. As a direct result of our parents' sacrifices, prayers and hard work, we are honored to continue the legacy they began with us. We pray that our daughter builds the same friendships, finds the same community and enjoys the same educational benefits we did. While we are different parents and different people than our parents are and while India is already all her own person presenting unique situations and decisions, ultimately our goal is to give our daughter just what our parents gave us.

What an honor.

Obviously, our parents were not perfect. I know it goes without saying that our childhoods were not from the fairybooks. But our parents laid a foundation, began the process of setting us apart while we were children and it has only blessed us. It inspires me now as a mom. And getting to go the annual Arizona Families for Home Education (AFHE) Home School Convention as a home-school mom, a second generation home-schooler, thrilled me.

Call me what you will, but I love home-schoolers. I adore denim jumpers (*note: I do not wear denim jumpers, merely admire and adore). I grin from ear to ear watching moms and dads huddle over curriculum books. I make special mention to tip my imaginary hat to the little boys in suits. I do not know why, but I just love it.

I love the uniqueness of home-schoolers. I am impressed always by their ability to remain set apart from the world. In it, but not of it. Loving it, but not living it. They are a special subculture, unique to themselves and no matter how many people try to document it, analyze it or demystify it, the lifestyle of a conservative Christian home-school family deserves respect. These people don't just talk it, they walk it. And I love it!

This year, Rory and I went merely as spectators, trying to glean and soak in as much as possible while still just getting our feet wet. But we ended up being pretty inspired!

The convention is a whole world unto itself--lectures, sales booths, a graduation. And the focus of it all? Christ. Jesus! Whether they are discussing how to make lap books or select curriculum or plan your day or budget your finances, it all comes back to serving Christ, remaining sensitive to the spirit of your child and serving Jesus. I think all Christians should hang out around here each year just because it is so spiritually rich.

Take for instance a lecture we heard on how dads can support moms in home-schooling. Blew our socks off. We expected the whole "Help around the house, grade papers, be the head of the household, call the shots and pray for submission." We ended up hearing, "If you are not listening to the heart of your wife everyday, that is wife neglect." "If your wife has to do the dishes, that is wife neglect." "If you are not hugging and sharing physical, non-sexual intimacy with your wife everyday, that is wife neglect." Huh? Well, sign me up for this lecture any day! He challenged husbands to put family before work (shared his own story as a top lawyer and how cutting back his office hours only blessed his efforts), called them to never expect submission but love as Christ even if she doesn't deserve it. He even, wait for it, called each husband to "shoot their TV" as Little Bear Wheeler used to. Some men raised their hands and voices at this--"What about sports? News?" He asked them how much their wife has sacrificed to home-school their children and told them television would be a drop in the bucket compared to what she has given up for the better of their family.

Oh yeah, preach it, baby!

Ok, so we got pretty inspired...

And that wasn't even the educational or directly spiritual lectures. Am I absolutely boring you with my gross enthusiasm?

Sorry. I can't help it!

We heard time and time again that education is discipleship and that discipleship is a scriptural charge to parents. That any establishment that teaches or advocates life without God is discipling in atheism. Scary, huh? But true.

When it came to educational philosophy, I was especially excited to find these women who were absolutely speaking my language. Educational philosophies are fairly scientific but intensely personal and you have to find what works for you. Charlotte Mason and the KONOS method are two symbiotic philosophies that have already given me direction with Dia.

And it's direction to simply let. her. play. Let her be young, be a child. And these women even had the scientific studies to prove its benefits--this is so helpful when you are making your own way with your own child! Not only do early reading and early preschool offer no educational benefits or "boosts", but it can actually harm them. While I am in no way, an "unschooler" (yes, this is a real term), I am completely of the mind that forcing education upon a young mind can only hurt both parent and child.

They shared the story of their daughter/sister who did not read until eight years old. Eight. I imagine that in formal educational training, this poor soul would have been allotted to the special needs group and never given much opportunity to learn. Clearly a bright child, she just wasn't ready until she was ready.

She's now a successful engineer. Extremely well-read and well-educated, she was given the chance to learn at her own pace and it ignited her academics. I want this for my children. Home-school is a unique venue to that end.

I could write pages (have already written pages...sorry!) about how this convention encouraged, inspired and united us. I am just so grateful for all the parents who forged ahead when it was even illegal to educate your own children. All those parents who kept on with it even when outside family members and friends frowned on and questioned them. I am so grateful for the parents who did what they knew was right even when no one else did. I am so grateful for my parents and my in-laws. They began the legacy and here we go following after them.

And being Gratitude Monday, let me continue my count...

91. My parents. Home-schooling lets you see all the ridiculous imperfections in both your parents and children--we came out loving each other all the more for them!
92. My in-laws. Dia and baby #2 will be richly blessed for the choices you made.
93. Celebrating the little things that really are big things when you're a papa and mama (and a husband who doesn't mind getting emotional with you over it).

94. The work of the Holy Spirit who gently leads you to an inconspicuous lunch spot only to be inspired to make a whole change.
95. My husband--the papa who does everything FUN. (He sent me this picture while I was at Starbucks writing this...balloons and static electricity, I'm thinking...)

96. Unexpected faithfulness.
97. Enjoying my daughter's proud selection of clothing (She always enthusiastically nods her head and says, "ASKX?" when making sure it's okay...)

98. The grace of being able to go outdoors at least for a little each day first thing in the morning. Fresh air is good.
99. A small fridge and the way it helps me keep budget.
100. Knowing you're not alone.

Milestones and a Sadness

2011-07-25T20:39:00.004-07:00

Let me start with our super amazing celebration--Dia now owns her very own big girl panties! For the last day or so she has been solely using her potty chair for both number 1 and 2 so we thought a trip to buy panties was in order! She really wanted the Tinkerbell ones but they weren't in her size, so we ended up with a variety of Minnie Mouse, My Little Pony and a princess pack. She saw the Thomas the Train ones on the way out and got really excited about them, but they were only made for boys. She's pretty happy, though! And yes, I almost cried. But it is just so exciting--who can be sad?

Except for the news we recieved over the weekend. If you have known us for any length of time you know we have wonderful dogs--Roxy and Depot. We often joke that Roxy is more of a lioness than a pup and somehow possesses the widsom of Aslan and one day will open her snout and just spill out wisdom and love. Unfortunately, both of our dogs also like to race. Not just run, they race. They have been known to get out and literally race each other until their paws bleed. They always, especially Rox, return home within a few hours. Roxy is a rescue and we are confident in assuming that the man who owned her before did not treat her as she deserved as she is extremely skiddish and wouldn't even approach a doorway if a man were near it for at least the first year we had her. She also refuses to be rescued from her races. Whereas Depot will happily jump in with just about anyone who whistles for him, Roxy will hightail it the other direction.

When they got out in our new neighborhood, however, we knew there was no way they could find their way home. We put up signs, ads in craigslist (both under Pets and Lost and Found) and visited the pound and humane society. Everyday we prayed. Within a few days, some wonderful teenage girls from our new neighborhood called saying they had found Depot. When they brought him home (Dia shrieked, "Depot home! Depot home!") they also told us that they saw Roxy and had tried to bring her in, too, but she barked, growled and, of course, ran away. They continued after her and watched another man try to rescue her from the street but she nearly bit him.

On Friday, we receieved a call from a local animal hospital. Apparently, Roxy had been hit by a car and did not survive. Oh, I'm crying just writing this again! Roxy was our first baby. And like I said before, she really was a special dog. She used to jump on her back paws and gently lean into you to hug you. I am so sad to think that it's her fear that finally cost her her life. I so wish she had been treated better as a pup and would have gone with the people who tried to save her! I'm learning a lot from this sweet dog...and can't really talk about it. All Dia knows is that Roxy ran away. Death seems a little over the top to try to explain. Has anyone else had experience or wisdom to share in this?

In the midst of our sorrow, though, we do have a lot to be grateful for...and it IS Gratitude Monday. So even with a heavy heart, I count...

81. The more than five wonderful years we spent with Roxy-girl. We love and miss her so much.
82. The kindness of strangers in returning our Depot! Apparently he had his first cheeseburger and trip to the drive-thru.
83. The brilliance of growth...watching a not-long-ago newborn put on panties.
84. A husband who cooks! Dinner AND raw vegan chocolate pudding, ooh la la!
85. The unparalleled wisdom and encouragement found at the home-school convention (more to come soon!)
86. Wedding shoes just right for a little girl...the joy of having so much to pass on to my daughter.

87. The over-commercialized but so fun girly pictures that make panties feel extra special.
88. John Eldridge and this book that I almost gave up on.
89. Family runs--getting to know our new 'hood while still following this too-good-to-be-hard training schedule (taken v e r y slowly out of respect for baby #2)
90. Slow days at home...don't judge me by my housework--especially today!

Little Dia

2011-07-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

Have you ever taken a picture of your child and just been tickled with their cuteness?

This definitely makes that list. We decided to take our bike to the splash pad near our house since we've been missing our fun bike rides in this intense heat. And of course, we needed our sunglasses, too.

My little Dia is two months away from being two and this ridiculous piece of trash e-newsletter I signed up for sent this dangerous little lie about how I need to sign up for some useless "Preschool" newsletter now because my daughter is no longer a toddler. Can you believe the kind of filth that comes out of the internet these days? My Dia is not only still a toddler, she's still MY BABY!

Right?

Oh man. Do they have some kind of control-freak parent support group for people like me? Parenthood is like nothing else. My mom always says it's the only job where you spend your life working yourself out of a job. It's strange...and beautiful.

And then we have days where I see a part of her that is just developing and I get so excited with the person she is becoming.

Which brings me back to the splash pad...We were meeting some friends there to play when I looked over and saw Dia literally surrounded by a group of about a dozen 6-year olds from day camp. They were all giggling and laughing watching my sweet girl. I looked closer and saw that she was screaming and making loud noises for the crowd as they laughed and egged her on. She ate it up!

By the time I got my camera phone out, the crowd had dwindled but Dia retained a small following until we left. I actually had to ask them to move so we could get out. As we rode off Dia waved and shouted, "Bye, guys!" The crowd chorused "Bye, Baby!"

How fun is that? My little entertainer. And I emphasize little. And I love those kids for calling her baby.

She Got It From Her Mama

2011-07-20T15:12:00.001-07:00

Not the blonde hair. Not the blue eyes. Not the tendency to know just how everything should be and the fearlessness to share such facts with friends and strangers alike.

Nope.

She sleeps with her eyes open.

Like her mama! (Creepy, I know! But pretty cool as far as she and I are concerned, ha ha)

This picture is from her fully asleep during a nap. She was even snoring.

Just one more part of herself she can thank me for. (Wink, wink)

We're In!

2011-07-18T20:51:00.003-07:00

As of last Saturday night, the Starks family is officially home! I can't tell you how great it is to be able to say that after two months of sojourning. More than anything, we have all three just missed the simple pleasure of being together as a family--sleeping all in the same bed, eating our meals together, etc. Dia woke up Sunday morning, lifted her head up to look left then right and exclaimed, "MY HOUSE!"

We are all so glad to be home.

There are still plenty of projects keeping us busy, not the least of which is unpacking. It's a bit slow going but we're making headway and have our kitchen fully functional. Praise the Lord! Such a joy to be in my own kitchen again. And it's fun learning the intricacies of a new place, too.

It could not be more appropriate than to continue counting my blessings from the Lord today on Gratitude Monday.

And, as you can probably imagine, this is just a sampling of the many, many things for which I have to be grateful.

67. The ease and tender rest of Dia's first nap at home (she asks to hold one of her books after we read them and falls asleep with it in her arms).

68. The beauty of everything small

69. Our first (messy) morning at home. Dia shrieked with joy, "MY TOYS!" And immediately set up camp on our bedroom floor.

70. Old things (toys) that feel both brand new and strangely comforting after months of being packed away

71. Precious morning hair and smile

72. The sheer brilliance of being close to every place we love! After seven years of living "out north" we are tickled beyond all comprehension to live in biking distance to our favorite shopping, restaurants and stores. So close that we were able to eat out our first morning at one of our favorite casual dining spots for breakfast. This is so great for us and the blessing of convenience is not wasted on us!
73. A little girl who is all her own and kept her shades on all through said breakfast.

74. Sweet and wonderful new neighbors.
75. Aunt Alli's first night as a server--at a restaurant that, you guessed it, is right down the street so that we were able to be one of her first tables. (Dia clapped her hands and yelled, "Yay, Alli!" after she greeted one of her tables, ha ha!)
76. Family that continues to give and give even after the excitement has waned and all that's left is more work.
77. A husband who provides! Who provides beyond my girlhood dreams. Thank You, Lord!
78. The excitement of all the potential that comes with a semi-fixer-upper.
79. The fun and novelty of taking swim breaks with my girl in our own pool.
80. The gift, pleasure and joy that comes from being a family.

It's A...

2011-07-12T19:26:00.006-07:00

Ok. We have no idea. We won't know the sex of our sweet already amazing baby #2 for another six weeks.

BUT WE HEARD THE HEARTBEAT!

Oh, friends. A heartbeat. A steady swish, swishing of a new life. A whole new life. A life already to be preceded by a lovely sister. A life I don't know yet. A life we are just embarking on together as a family.

Big Sister ran into the doctor's office today, ecstatic. She's very familiar with the staff there as they have been her pediatricians since she was six months old. She ran in and told the receptionist, Sarah, "Baby heart in der!" and pointed to my tummy.

Oh, Big Sister. You already pave the way for so much excitement, so much fun, so much together.

But can I tell you a little secret? It was one very, very fast heartbeat. The three little digits rang 160. Can you say a girl?! I'm thinking a girl... Sisters!

But wait with me for another six weeks and I promise I'll let you know for sure. We are tickled over here. And yes, when the swishing started, I melted. And teared. And thanked such a Good Lord who would bless us so. TWICE. TWICE. It must be said more than once.

Especially thankful also for my exam buddy and the baby papa who was smart enough to take pics. Dia is simply wonderful to have around and I was so glad to share today with her.

Enjoying this special time of Dia as an only child and the excitement that comes from watching a tummy grow with life. Thanking our God whom we serve and pray to daily for all our needs.

A Little Experiment

2011-07-11T19:31:00.001-07:00

How fun is this? Er, I mean the idea of this. Go to the grocery, buy a potato, watch as your grandmother shows you how to make it grow.

Or not.

"The EPA published findings in the report "Unfinished Business: A Comparative Assessment of Environmental Problems" that ranked pesticide residues in food as the number three cancer risk today." --The World Bank's Strategy for Reducing Poverty and Hunger: A Report to the Development Community

"Several government reports conclude that 60-90% of all types of cancer in the U.S. are related to environmental factors ranging from food preservatives and additives to toxic chemical substances." Douglas M. Costle, Former Director of the EPA

Pesticides and preservatives are so toxic. Organic isn't just a catchphrase or a catchy way to make extra money (although plenty of corporations are taking advantage of us and twisting organic to mean all kinds of things).

Did you know:

"The Delaney Amendment is found in Section 409 of the Federal Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act. It states:

No additive shall be deemed safe if it is found to induce cancer when ingested by man or animal.

Under this amendment, if an additive is deemed unsafe, it cannot be legally used. {HOWEVER,} Pesticides and agrochemicals that ARE KNOWN CARCINOGENS that were approved prior to (this) amendment continue to be used without discretion." --The World Bank's Strategy for Reducing Poverty and Hunger: A Report to the Development Community

And it's not just that these chemicals are known carcinogens (as if that wasn't bad enough), but it's also that organic food has actually been found to be more nutritious, more rich in vitamins and minerals. Considering that minerals and vitamins are derived from soil, it's really no surprise that not adding chemicals to the soil is better than adding them. But still, for some who need the science to prove it, it's here. And here. And here.

We simply can't trust our food suppliers like we used to. Unless you know them personally (ahem, farmer's markets make this possible...) or grow the food yourself, we just can't know what exactly was done to our food. If the EPA is willing to admit that 60-90% of all types of cancer comes from food preservatives and toxins, it's worth our attention.

*Emphasis in quotes are mine and they are taken from Living Cuisine: The Art and Spirit of Raw Food by Renee Loux Underkoffler

It's so hard as a family to eat what's not only healthy, but truly safe. (And no, Laffy Taffy is not organic and yes, it is full of poison! I'm so sorry, Baby!)

So...here's my little experiment and I'd like your feedback. I'm thinking of posting our family grocery budget for the month of August and letting you all see what exactly we buy, cook and eat. And how we can make eating organic not only possible, but also enjoyable.

Now, this all depends on us moving home before August (please pray!). What do you think? Would you find it helpful? We're just a family of three, but it might be helpful for all of us to share how we manage to eat healthy, safely and well.

Leave me a comment if you'd be interested.

But don't think today is just about bumming you out! Oh, no. There are still plenty of things for which to be grateful! Such as...

52. Being able to cook for my family in my childhood home. It's fun to cook for 7!
53. Watching my girl enjoy the special "play area" my parents had custom-designed in their pool for their grandkids. (It's like an oversized step that takes up a decent amount of space so that Dia can crawl and walk and wade around on her own...with my constant supervision!)
54. Watching Rory enjoy her enjoying the pool.
55. Being pregnant.
56. Being pregnant with a toddler. I feel like such a mom!
57. Finally building friendships at my new Stroller Strides class--it was actually pretty emotional for me having to leave my other class up north. But today we met friends at the library.
58. Free (and air-conditioned) story time at the library!
59. Watching my tiny but tough little 21-month old hold her own with the big kids in the mall play area. She is not rough, but she does not get pushed around, either!
60. Really enjoying reading with Dia. She is so into it it's contagious!
61. Naptime. Yes, I actually sleep every afternoon with Dia. So. Tired. Must. Rest.
62. Dia and her towers. "Mama, puh-lay! Towers!"
63. Late-night episodes of Castle with my love. We're all about Beckett and Castle.
64. Lizards that run right past the big french doors inciting gleeful shouts.
65. Hair detangler. And the picture of the "big girl" on the front which is all we need in order to be able to use it.
66. Church as a family and being able to hold my little girl while dancing and worshiping with a new one inside. What a privilege.
67. Devotions, e-devotions, devotion apps and all the ways He can encourage me even as I cook and clean and live.

So very blessed...

"Killer" Muffins

2011-07-08T17:40:00.002-07:00

*Discaimer: these muffins will not kill you. Rather, they are delicious, gluten-free, high in plant protein and completely free of artificial sweeteners/white sugar--my definition of a killer combo.

I have to direct your attention over to this blog post today, because Erika posted the absolute best gluten-/dairy-/sugar- free muffin recipe. Like, the BEST. EVER. We're in love and Dia ate three in a row as soon as I made them. In fact, I made a dozen two days in a row because they don't seem to last more than a day.

They are easy and only required me to buy one ingredient I was unfamiliar with: quinoa flakes. I'll be honest with you. I do not like quinoa. Neither does Dia. But it's just SO SO good for you. This recipe completely masked the quinoa flavor while still keeping its high nutrition and protein content.

I followed her recipe to a tee save for a few points:

1. I used only honey and left out the stevia. I upped the honey to three (3) tablespoons instead of the two she recommends.
2. 400 degrees had my muffins nearly burnt by thirteen minutes, so I adjusted it the second time to 375 degrees and they were prefect at thirteen minutes (I was using my mom's super fabulous new fancy oven so it's taken some getting used to).

Dia likes to sit "outside" while enjoying her muffins...

Saying "cheese" with her muffins out on the veranda....

Happy Weekend! (These muffins make for great snacks while out and about or even a great simple breakfast on busy church-readying Sundays--I hope you get a chance to try them out soon!)

Crafty India

2011-07-07T19:16:00.000-07:00

In my humble opinion, I had a great idea the other day inspired by the sticker section at Target.

Dia and I were shopping for a friend's birthday gift when I decided to let Dia wrap it...with stickers. We were gifting her sweet Laila with a few books so I bought a simple box just big enough to hold them. I then selected as many cute, girly stickers as I could find: My Little Pony, Hello Kitty, metallic hearts, etc. Dia loved holding them in the cart and when it came time to wrap Laila's present, I set her up in her high chair with her stickers and some crayons and this girl turned a simple box into a shining beacon of artistic glory. (I know--I really should work on my parental pride.) No really, it did look great and it really looked like it was Dia's gift to her friend, something I really want to instill in her when we give gifts. Too often it's just me going to the store, picking it out, wrapping it up and then handing it to the child's mom at the party. Let me tell you, this time Dia took full ownership of this present. She talked about it non-stop.

"Mama, box for Laila. Happy tooo youuuuu. Laila books. Me do it. Me!"

She showed everyone in the house multiple times (we were staying at my parents' house) and when it came time to go the party, she ran right to where the box was and asked to hold it in the car. Then when we got there, she asked to hold it while we walked in. (Note to self: try to make the box light enough for the kids to carry! This one wasn't too bad, but I'll be more conscious next time.) To be honest, I was worried Dia wouldn't give it to Laila and would insist that it was hers (we love saying "Mys" around here--that's Dia-speak for "mine"). But instead this little 21-month old held the package the whole time we walked up to the house and while we looked for Laila. She then ever so proudly handed it over to Laila (who I think was slightly shocked to be asked to carry such a big box!). Both girls then proceeded to peel off several stickers and play with them--a gift in itself! I was so proud of her to be so generous and so excited to GIVE. Plus she just had a lot of fun decorating that box.

D with her finished creation

I think next time I'll go to the dollar store or order in bulk online just to save money. I'll also buy more puffy stickers because they are easier for her little hands to peel off herself. And that really was another bonus to this craft: Dia got to do just about all of it by herself. How many toddlers can say they wrapped their friend's present, you know? She was so proud of her work and that made me so proud of her. As a mom and as a home-schooling mom, I strive to instill that sense of accomplishment and capability in her. This tiny, fun little afternoon project did just that.

Happy Birthday, Laila!

And here's a video of D talking through her birthday present thoughts (I have no idea where she got the "no boys" concept but it cracked me up and she was still insisting no boys touch it while we were driving to the party!):

A Few Firsts on the Fourth

2011-07-06T19:24:00.003-07:00

We still aren't in our new home yet. So close. Everything is done, furniture is in, but fumes are deathly. We had planned on hosting our first pool party on the fourth...I even bought D a special Independence Day shirt that I packed thinking there was no way we would not be in our house by July 4th.

But we are still making the most of our family time! Dia has bonded in special ways with both sides of her grandparents (and their dogs) and her aunts. We wouldn't have been able to fabricate this ourselves--only the Lord could have planned such a special (semi-stressful, almost too much to handle...but also a blessing in many ways) extended family bonding time.

The fourth of July was especially great because one of Dia's favorite things in the world is FIREWORKS. "Fie-uh-wuhks!" (She also loves motorcycles...I think she has a flair for the exciting.) Rory celebrated the day they legalized the sale of them in Phoenix and took Dia for a special trip to the fie-uh-wuhks stand on Monday. He even let her pick out most of them! (And truth be told, the ones she picked were the biggest crowd pleasers.)

She waited patiently (asking regularly) until the sun set. I was happy to distract her with her first ice cream cone!

Chocolate, anyone?

Ice cream cones are a big deal to me. I have always said my favorite food is two ice cream cones--one for each hand. We bought special gluten-free cones from Whole Foods and used delicious chocolate ice cream made from coconut milk and sweetened with agave. What a blessing to be able to go to the store to get such high-quality sweets I don't worry about her eating!

You can see my joy in sharing a new love with D:

Like mother like daughter--she likes her ice cream cones!

I can't tell you how grateful I am to have such wonderful family and to be able to take such advantage of them. Really they have done so much for us. And not just one side, but both sides give and give until you can't imagine they have anything left to give. And then they help and share and give some more. And how special to have a holiday, a Monday to start the week with us all waking up together and then watching the special colorful explosions and singing patriotic ballads before bed.

Thankful for sacrifice today...those who sacrifice for a safe, democratic country...my parents and in-laws who sacrifice for our comfort and well-being...my husband who sacrifices for his family's future...my Lord who is the example of all sacrifice.

Happy Birthday, America!

Pregnancy...This Time Around

2011-07-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

I'm thrilled to announce that I'm twelve weeks pregnant today. Tomorrow begins my second trimester. Time has flown and honestly, I'm just so thrilled to be this far along.

When my first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage in the first trimester (before week 12, but after we had already heard the heartbeat), I left somewhat emotionally scarred. When I found myself pregnant a second time (with India) , I kept waiting for the bleeding and cramping to start. When it never did (Thank You, Lord!), I felt too frightened to do anything. No exercise, no hair dye, no pool swimming (chlorine), etc. I also never ate sugar or anything conventionally grown. Seriously, organic or bust.

<-- About to pop with my Dia girl...

This time around...well, remember how I said I hadn't sugar in at least five years? I've made up for that in the last few weeks. Honest to goodness, the only edible thing I can stomach is...Laffy Taffy.

What??? Oh I know. I gross myself out. My head wants salad. My brain dreams of greens! Fresh veggies! Vegetable juice from my own juicer! Ah...someday. But for now I will literally throw up just the vegetables in whatever I eat. Brown rice with cooked cabbage? I'll be re-living that cabbage (and just the cabbage, mind you, the rice stays put) in a few hours and suffering from a stomachache for two days minimum. Slightly ridiculous, I think.

When I was pregnant with India, I followed my midwife's and the Bradley Method's high protein diet to a tee. I took it literally and would sit up til midnight if that's what it took to get all 80-100 grams of protein in. Think that contributed to my excess weight gain? Ha!

And here I am eating just about everything I hate about the standard American diet (SAD). Strange sense of justice? Karma for my high standards? Nah. I think it's just that subtle reminder that once again, by the grace and miracle of the Lord, my body is not currently my own.

This second time around I'm also exercising. Not just to keep my weight in check, but it's honestly just so good for you. Plus the doctors/midwives recommend keeping current with your pre-pregnancy activity level. So while I'm temporarily abandoning my half-marathon training, I am still running and attending Stroller Strides. And tomorrow, I'm getting my hair done. (Mind you, I won't color my hair with any dye on my scalp. I use highlights that, for the most part, don't touch skin or scalp in an effort to minimize the toxins my body absorbs.)

If this time is anything like last, hopefully the junk food will abate by trimester two. I scarfed taco supremes from Taco Bell like it was the last food on earth with Dia but just through the first trimester. This baby is all about the candy, though. It's definitely Rory's child.

I have no more sense of control or idea of just who exactly is about to join our family this time around than I did with India, but I do know that I'm in love just like I did with my first girl. I'm smitten. I'm thrilled. Tremendously honored to have not just one miracle, but two. TWO! If anything, I'm doubly humbled, doubly impressed with the grave responsibility before me. I spend an unnatural amount of time scheming up unique baby names (can't wait to find out the sex!), planning the nursery and playroom and just generally trying to imagine the next summer with two kids. Two. I do not know what tomorrow holds, but Lord, I am so grateful for today. Today--the chance to be here with my daughter and husband, to be pregnant again, to play dollhouse, build towers and feed my girl. I love being pregnant.

I just pray the Laffy Taffy doesn't screw the baby up too much.

Great Food Blogs to Follow

2011-06-30T17:40:00.001-07:00

I stumbled across some food blogs during my intense bouts with morning sickness.

What? Does that seem strange to be reading about food while so nauseous you can't even enter the kitchen?

I know, I know, it even felt bizarre to me but I was so sick I was desperate for something, anything that sounded or looked good to eat. When I was pregnant with Dia, protein really helped and I've always read/heard that eating (even if just crackers) can actually help relieve morning sickness. After scanning a few posts from these yummy cooks, I ended with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Simple, yes, but I was finally able to keep down a meal. So I guess these girls have a special place in my heart.

Yes, I Want Cake is more than just a food blog. She is a recently retired teacher thanks to the birth of her first child. She stayed ridiculously active and in shape during her entire pregnancy and while she bakes a lot, it's always from scratch and she strives to eat high quality, nutrient-dense food (even if it does have wheat/dairy/sugar). She is going on a no sugar stint for the month of July, though! I'm actually pretty excited to see what she comes up with in the way of desserts in the next 30 days. I think most everyone can glean something from this one.

Clean Eating Chelsey probably shares closest with my own eating style. Lots of raw, always vegan, vegetable-filled, always gluten-/dairy-free goodness. She's also a runner, so she keeps up with her fitness regime all while eating cleanly. I've enjoyed her recipes and thoughts a lot these last few weeks. Plus, this girl has the best give-aways! And she does them a lot. I encourage everyone to include at least one all vegetarian meal a week. Chelsey is a great one to look to for something simple, healthy and vegetarian that everyone can enjoy.

Cait's Plate is one of those fun little blogs where I get to enjoy observing a young working woman in New York City. Clearly, we have nothing in common and her eating style is nothing like mine, but I still have a lot of fun following her adventures. I have a feeling a lot of you meat/dairy/gluten-eaters may benefit from her food creations.

Hoping you find yummy culinary inspiration for the weekend!

Playing For Smarts

2011-06-29T17:02:00.004-07:00

Just want to direct your attention to this great series of blog posts from a delightful home-schooling mom who writes one of my favorite blogs, Cultivated Lives. You don't have to be a home-schooling mom to appreciate this series, either--it's simply a great philosophy for raising children.

And it's simple: let them play! She has much wisdom, science and practical experience with this seemingly basic concept. I think you'll enjoy it as much I do.

Also, for anyone in the Arizona area, the home-school convention is a coming! We missed all the fun last year due to a death in the family, but hope to get in on the excitement and inspiration this July 22 and 23. And hopefully you can excuse my tardiness in posting this...the early registration (complete with early bird discount) has, um, expired. Sorry! But you can still get in and it's a great day or weekend to spend with your spouse. It's the ideal spot to get mutually inspired, strike up exciting conversation and both seek the Lord for the direction of your children. Plus, it's freezing in there and when it's this hot in June (97 degrees at 10am?), a freezing convention center in July is mighty appealing...

Playing with Dia until then...

She turned Grandma's ice cube trays into a boat--genius!

A Nice Little Something For the Kids

2011-06-28T18:31:00.006-07:00

Since we've been staying "abroad" (AKA at in-laws and parents' homes), it's been both wonderful and difficult to get the right food in my girl's tummy. Both of our families are passionate about healthy, organic food and if they aren't gluten-free themselves, they are happy to comply. But not only have I been too nauseous to prepare meals on some occasions when others weren't there to cook, we've also found ourselves out and about several times now with little but french fries and smoothies (NOT even organic, ugh!) to eat. Am I the only one who would really appreciate restaurants offering more beans and cooked vegetables? You don't even have to put it on the kid's menu, because, let's face it, if a kid's menu did not include gluten and copious amounts of processed cheese on literally every item then it wouldn't be American would it? (Insert sarcasm here.)

We've also finally faced the situation I knew was coming: birthday party cupcakes. Rory and I have always taken the firm stance that we would not raise our children with deprivation. If they really want the cupcake, then, well, let them eat cake (and I mean that to no way reflect Marie's issues...). Our thought is that as long as we keep sugar out of the house (that's right--you won't find white granules of anything other than salt in our kitchen), we can feel free to allow our children (love being able to say the plural now!) to sample various other cuisines (AKA junk).

So as I was saying, this last weekend we went to a friend's birthday party and this was the first time Dia saw her friend's hands and mouth covered in blue icing where she turned to me to say, "Try?" and nod her head. Big blue eyes wide and innocent. Please, mama? For me, too? Oh man, did they have to put the blue icing? Electric blue no less. But I knew this day was coming.

And I tried to dodge it. "Oh, D. That food hurts our tummies. How about some more oranges?"

She complied and dug into more fruit. Until we went to say goodbye and I looked over just as she placed a whole handful of some other child's cupcake into her mouth. Again wide-eyed and still mostly innocent.

I instantly grabbed a cupcake for her, put it on a plate and we sat together while she "tried" her cupcake. She wasn't crazy about it or especially thrilled. I think she really did just want to try it. And I'll be honest, the minute she abandoned it, I tossed it. In my defense, it was also nap time and I knew her first strong dose of sugar right before sleepy time may not be helpful.

She didn't eat much but I instantly knew I had to get water and veggies in that girl, pronto! If sugar is the Wicked Witch of the West, I knew water and whole healthful foods would be her tornado.

And the easiest way to get veggies in a kid is to add them to pasta. Too tired to stop at the store or cook too much, I scoured my mom's fridge for anything that would blend well into sauce, which, if you don't already know is everything. I especially wanted the nutrient rich spinach but found zucchini. High in vitamins A and C, not to mention magnesium, potassium and manganese, zucchini is a great summer food to get in our kids' bodies. And this sauce is completely free of cans, packaged foods (my mom makes her own sundried tomatoes but you can buy them in the store, too) and sugar. It's also delicious and clearly not just for the kids...but they will love it.

Here's how I made her sauce (which she ate two bowls of the first day alone!):

Summer Zucchini Tomato Sauce
Serves 4

4 fresh organic medium tomatoes (any variety will work, but I recommend heirloom), diced
5 sundried tomatoes
2 slices yellow onion, diced
4 garlic cloves pressed
1 zucchini, shredded
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
3 tablespoons oregano (*more or less to taste)
2 tablespoons Italian seasonings (*more or less to taste)
Salt to taste (I prefer Himalayan pink salt--it's pricey but so nutrient-rich that you don't need much to flavor your food. It lasts forever and with the summer heat I like adding nutrient-rich salt to our diet.)
Fresh basil, oregano or any other vegetable you have on hand (shredded spinach, carrots, squash, etc.) all work wonders, but I was just going with what was available.

*I find that seasonings can be very personal, so feel free to start out small and add more as you taste it. I have a hard time measuring because I'll keep adding while I taste until I just love it.

I start out my sauce as I start most everything I cook: by heating olive oil over medium heat and sauteing the onion and garlic until the onion begins to look transparent. (I dice the tomatoes and shred the zucchini while I wait.) Then add tomatoes, sundried tomatoes, zucchini and spices (except salt). Cover pot and let simmer about 30 minutes to an hour, stirring regularly. You may need to add more oil at this point if it looks like it's getting dry. I don't add water or any extra liquid, though, because the tomatoes and zucchini are so water-dense that it complements the sauce very well. I add the salt very last so that I don't add too much. Feel free to shorten or lengthen the simmering time depending on your style of sauce--a longer simmering time yields a more liquid-like sauce while the shorter time results in a thicker, chunkier sauce. Like I said before, I made this while Dia napped so start to finish it took less then an hour or so. Really, there is no right way with this stuff just go by what looks and tastes the best. (Sorry, type-A-ers. I cook to taste, not to recipe.)

Add to organic brown rice pasta (or any other kind of pasta you like) and top with organic sheep's Parmesan cheese. That's our preferred method, anyway, but you can also use this for lasagna or anywhere else you like marinara sauce.

Enjoy!

You Must Really Love Jesus

2011-06-27T16:40:00.005-07:00

There are some things you just can't know about a person until you marry them. Beyond brands of toothpaste and cooking/cleaning habits, there is a lot that reveals itself bit by bit as you spend your days attached to someone else. There are also traits that continue to grow and develop and hopefully through much prayer they bring the best out of both of you.

Today is a Gratitude Monday (remember how I posted about this like once before? Well, it's still a big part of my life even though I haven't been faithful to blog about it.). All I can think about when I examine my life with a grateful heart these days is my husband. I make no pretense about having a perfect or even easy marriage. I cannot even begin to exaggerate or make something out of nothing. But when you marry a good man, well, you marry well. You marry right. And you set yourself up for a life of joy.

When I met Rory at the ripe ol' age of ten (yes, ten years old...fresh out of fourth grade!), he was many things: funny, fun, friendly, sold-out for Jesus, funny, fun, friendly, really funny, addicted to candy and amazingly caring with his sisters and mom (and soon my sisters and my mom as well). Hard-working wasn't the first phrase that came to mind, though. In fact, my parents did not approve of us getting engaged (we were such rebels!) until Rory could have more time to prove his work ethic and ability to provide for a family (they were smart and probably right, but we all admit that us getting married was one of the greatest things we've ever done).

I've also never really been the damsel in distress kind of girl, either. Back then I couldn't imagine ever needing a man to provide for me.

Fast forward eighteen years, one daughter, one baby on the way and two houses later and my husband is the poster man for studly.

I grew up with a workaholic father and think my heart grew up needing lots more love and attention than I received. Rory definitely filled that void. But as I've been so faithfully loved and cared for, I've found myself needing so much strength and hard work from Rory, too. And I can't tell you how he has delivered. I can't tell you what it does for this wife's heart and soul to so fully rest in the strong hands of the same man who cuddles me.

When we bought our new house (Talk about grateful!!! We are crazy for our new home and could honestly probably retire in it it's so perfect for us.), we also found out we were pregnant. And I'm one of those paranoid mamas who won't go near fresh paint or a construction zone due to the chemicals and toxicity levels. That left two houses to be renovated by one man.

Can I tell you that when renters come to look at our old house every single one has the same things to say, "Wow. This is the nicest house we've seen." That would be the work of studly man right there.

And can I tell you how amazing our new home is looking? It does not even resemble the structure we bought. Again, every single ounce of credit goes to the man who not only wakes up at 5 (or earlier) every morning to run his own business, but also comes home everyday to spend at least an hour or so with his "Blondies" as he likes to call Dia and me and then goes back out to work on our house. He spends his weekends there, his nights, his holidays, you name it. I could never have known when we got engaged at 21 that I would so respect a man with such amazing work ethic.

But he hasn't just worked. He also texts like crazy so I always know what's going on and just what he's thinking about. (I love getting inside his head and feeling close to every little detail!) He has taken a night or two off to take me to the movies or come home early if I'm especially morning sick (aka all-day and night sick). He regularly comes home to poopy diapers that I couldn't stomach to clean (still using cloth!), stops to pray and figure out the next discipline strategy (he listens to an amazing child-rearing CD while he drives around town) and brought me cash every day when I lost my ATM card. He calls us, takes Dia out, and generally stays intimately connected with the two girls who could not live without him. To say he's amazing is not only horribly cliche but ridiculously understated. I can't tell you how many times I've cried just because in the midst of so much stress, so much chaos, he is still so so kind. So good. So fun. So funny. He's still that delightful boy I met almost two decades ago, but now he's all grown up and so...wonderful. Strong. Such a warrior.

In the midst of this he's had some doozies at work. Some situations that could have easily knocked him down. He came home after one especially hard day and said that after a few choice events had taken place, his right-hand man turned to him and said, "Man, you must really love Jesus. I don't think I'd have handled that so well."

You must really love Jesus.

Yes, he does. I know this. I live this. If my husband is any testament to the power of anything, it's Jesus. And I love Jesus and know Him so much better just because of knowing my husband. I believe a lot of men face crowds and auditoriums and preach about godliness. My husband comes home on Wednesday at 10pm after a ten-hour work day and several more hours sanding floors and peeling laminate and hugs me. Talks with me in bed about the stresses of MY day. My simple little existence of trying not to vomit and keeping Dia alive and happy. I want nothing more than to shower him with every ounce of everything I have. He gives me so much that all I have is more to give him. And I know that's exactly what Jesus talks about and is about.

He is my stud and my hero and today I'm grateful that I got to meet him so young and grow up with him so well.

For those that have read this blog for a significant amount of time, you know how we have struggled. How many times I have been broken and hopeless for our marriage. But this, our seventh year, is confirmation and tangible proof that staying and fighting for what's right and holy IS right and holy. And so richly worth it.

Thank You, Jesus for knowing exactly what I needed and putting it in such a great package. I love my husband.

Counting my way to 1,000 gifts....

36. Four letter words: love, work, hard, stud.
37. Texting. Seriously it may be ruining traditional communication, but I love being able to send messages/pictures to my husband.
38. Family
39. Extended family who make room for us in spare bedrooms, spare couches and even the floor.
40. Helping hands of family who come even just for a day (thank you, Luke and Rachel!) or everyday (that's you, Dad!!!) or most days (Sonja, you're diehard!), and those who help in other ways, too like entertaining D.
41. Being silly and finding joy even in chaos (Dia put on Papa's boxers--I wear them to bed so she wanted to give them a try. P.S. you can somewhat pick out our current living condition from the background in the pic...a family of 3 in one bedroom!)

42. My sweet girl who always has the funnest ideas!
43. Still sleeping in our family bed....D likes to either put her arms around me to fall asleep or put a pillow over her head and no one touch her. Either way, we are tickled with her!

44. A husband who delights in food as much as I do and relishes bringing me crazy meals that sound good.
45. My baby bump. It's here earlier than with D... and we already love you, baby!
46. My big girl who points to the belly bump, grins and says, "Baby!"
47. Stroller Strides instructor Kelly who took me from knee-injured and weak to being able to drop and give her twenty in a few weeks time. Not to mention 3 inches off of my waist and legs...ok, this was pre-pregnancy. Ha ha.
48. Sisters who love my babies like I do.
49. Getting jiggy with the music man at the splash pad.

50. Our beautiful new home. I call it "Grandparents Central" because we are literally 5 minutes from my mom and 7 minutes from my in-laws. You best all better be visiting!
51. A husband who's hunkier today than the day we married

A Baby Who Needs YOU

2011-06-26T12:35:00.004-07:00

A sweet precious little six-month old girl, Daisy Belle, was stung last week by a scorpion. You can read the whole story here, but, in short, she stopped breathing and was air-evacced to the UMC in Tucson. It has been a horrendous experience for her, her parents and family and she is just now recovering.

The family was 9 days away from their new health insurance kicking in when this all took place. Please, if you have a moment, click here and help them out. Please pray and if you can help financially in any way, I know they really do need it.

Why, Hello There!

2011-06-26T11:02:00.011-07:00

I'll be honest with you: I have lots of good excuses for not blogging. Lots! But I'll let the pictures do the talking for today...

As you can see, we are now dressing ourself. We like to layer.

Although it was months ago, we celebrated Passover as a family. It's one of my favorite holidays of the year and this year was very special doing it at our house and personally preparing all the specialties (roasted lamb shank, anyone?). Dia helped with the delicious haroshet.

We may very well be the corniest family on the planet! But we love each other. Lots of family nights out...although, not sure why Dia looks like we've tortured her.....I promise she had fun!

Dia loves Anthropologie! She relaxed while I tried on clothes. She also managed to bite into a $45 bar of soap...but if you happen to come across that bar in the store, I'll deny it!

We have also been ridiculously blessed with amazing neighbors. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be able to just walk across the street and ring the bell for friends to come play. Dia and our neighbor Scarlett became best of friends (even fought like sisters!) and we have loved getting to know their whole family.

We've also been busy with Stroller Strides. It's a fabulous mommy workout where you bring the kids (in the stroller). Dia not only loves the other kids, but she also loves to workout herself. She has been known to randomly drop and do push-ups, squats and lunges. Here I came into her room to find her using the dog leash as a resistance band and doing bicep curls! Talk about "children see, children do." Dia is my number one best workout buddy!

Just too cute not to share. I was in the kitchen when I kept hearing her call my name, but I couldn't find her. Hee hee.

And when Dia hit eighteen months, she and Papa dressed up for a nice dinner out.

He sent me this shot from dinner....they held hands while they ate. :)

And ordered extra olives. D's personal favorite food.

We've also made good use of the top deck at the Deer Valley Airport. It's so fun to watch the planes and even helicopters.

More Papa and Dia dates....

And then one day we were reading this favorite Dr. Suess when Dia stopped me to look closer at this illustration. She tends to find things to focus on in the books and will literally just analyze every little thing on the page. After a few minutes of staring intently at this image, she said, "DD Mama eat." Ha ha!

Proof that while we yes, do eat together, we don't look exactly like those Suess characters.

Dressing up with our amazing play silks. Thank you so much, Heather!

And now for the big news: WE'RE MOVING!

Grammy came to help pack and show Dia how a bookcase is really a fishing boat and painting stir sticks are the perfect fishing rods.

And as for those amazing neighbors, well, they threw us a farewell block party!

Can you believe it? They literally are the world's best neighbors and Rory and I honestly reconsidered moving just because we didn't want to leave our friends!

These are the neighbor kids Dia considers family. We miss you guys!

The party was complete with an old-fashioned popcorn stand

And of course, fireworks a la Rory.

And since we had renovations to do at our old house in order to attract some great renters as well as some major updates to do on our new home, we moved in with Oma and Opa six weeks ago and basically have taken over their formerly lovely (and quiet) home.

Which means we pretty much spend every day either at Oma or Grandma's house. Dia has especially enjoyed her all-access pass to her auntie's jewelry, make-up and hair accessories...

Not to mention quality bonding time...

Delicious home-cooked meals

And spending lunch breaks with Opa.

Oma and Dia are master zoo builders/keepers. (Here it was nap time at the zoo.)

Grandpa knows how to build the best towers!

FYI, Dia loves jalapeno potato chips. These things are SPICY but Dia literally licked the jalapeno powder from the bottom of the bag...ok, so maybe not all of our food has been healthy or home-cooked.

And even though all her toys are in boxes in the garage, she has really shown me the power of her own imagination. All on her own she turned a few boxes and some kitchen appliances into her own kitchen and often makes me tea. :)

We've also logged many hours at the local splash pad

And even the local Summer Movie program. Last week Dia sat through a movie for the first time in the theater! "How To Train Your Pet Dragon" now owns the title of her first in-theater movie! She's crazy for dinosaurs and while she has no idea what a dragon is per se, we told her they were flying dinosaurs and she was hooked!

And to save the very best news for last....I'm also 11 weeks pregnant!

Horrendously sick and exhausted, it's been a rough few months. We could not be more grateful to have both my and Rory's family supporting and literally housing us as we transition into our bigger home with our expanding family. They feed us, entertain us, help us get our car out of the shop (that was a fun time, ha ha), help us re-surface our floors (DAD.....you are amazing), paint, pack, clean and so much more. I have never felt more blessed than to sit down at Father's Day not only with my amazing husband but also for the both of us to be able to look down both sides of a long table and see two families who so truly love us and our daughter.

We are blessed!

During Allergy Season I Give My Daughter Cookies

2011-03-10T21:41:00.006-07:00

Have I mentioned that I love eating the raw vegan diet?

Have I said anything yet about how amazing the desserts are?

I kid, I kid! I am well aware that I am now a living and breathing advertisement for green vegetables. But seriously, when it's this good and this good FOR you it's hard not to rave.

As spring blooms around the desert I feel a tickle in my throat and find myself blowing my nose a lot more than usual. It's allergy season. Dum dum dum!

One of the best defenses against allergies is to acquaint your body with the local blossoms internally, i.e., through eating local plants and pollens. One of the hands down best ways to ever stop your allergies is to purchase local (LOCAL is key) honey and bee pollen. Farmer's Markets are stocked with this gold, by the way, and are a great way to ensure its locality. Bee pollen looks like small pellets of yellow dust and is literally the pollen that bees collect from flowers. It tastes a little funny to me (my husband eats it by the spoonful, though), so I take a small spoonful of it in yogurt or applesauce or something mushy but palatable. I am no doctor or scientist so I can't tell you how it actually works inside our human systems (Google anyone? Let me know what you find!), but I do know it works.

I had a co-worker once years ago who had been to his doctor several times with new prescriptions for one form of allergy relief or another but he still could not sleep or find any comfort from his dry, itchy eyes, runny nose and sore throat. The poor guy! I wrote down two things for him:

1. Bee pollen
2. Cod Liver Oil (This comes in many forms but I can only recommend the liquid form and recommend at least a tablespoon a day before and after symptoms show up. This particular brand and flavor is as part of my childhood as anything.)

I saw him later that same day and he had been running around trying to find me--turned out that my recommendation had relieved his symptoms almost from the very moment he tried it. Now, I know some things about food, but this kind of reaction I did not expect. In fact, I kind of thought he was exaggerating. It was one of those things were I knew it worked for me and my family, but I was wary of how other "normal" people would react. I was thrilled that my mom's home remedies proved helpful for him, too.

Another great way to get this pollen is through honey. But be warned: if your honey was purchased at a national chain store and its container is in the shape of a cute bear, it may not be very potent. In fact, most retail honey contains added syrup and has lost a lot of its potency through processing. Again, Farmer's Market is a great place to not only buy honey but also talk to the people who harvest it. Make sure it's local--one of the reasons pollen works is that it contains particles found in your particular environment. And make sure it's raw, unprocessed and unfiltered.

Once you've bought yours, though, hit the kitchen and make yourself some Allergy-Fighting Cookies! (*Please note that bee pollen and honey can trigger allergic reactions. Honey and bee pollen are also not safe for children under 12 months of age.) This recipe is, again, ridiculously easy and requires zero baking time (obviously). The cookies are surprisingly simple and satisfying. Plus they help keep allergies at bay! I've been giving them to Dia and she is in love. Have I mentioned how much I love feeding my daughter sweet treats that I actually feel good about her eating?

Allergy-Fighting Cookies
(Recipe adapted/adopted from Raw Food Made Easy by Jennifer Cornbleet--I highly recommend purchasing this book!)
Yield: 8 cookies

1/2 cup raw almond or cashew butter (this can be found at most grocery stores, online or you can make it yourself--recipe for this is at the end if you don't already have some in the fridge)
1/4 cup raw honey
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Dash salt
1/2 cup almonds ground to flour in food processor

Place the almond butter, honey, vanilla and salt in a food processor fitted with the S blade and process until smooth. Transfer to a small bowl and freeze for thirty minutes. Form into 1-inch balls and flatten slightly. Roll each cookie in the almond flour. The book recommends freezing them at least two hours before serving, but since raw honey can harden quickly, I'd say no less than thirty minutes. If they've been frozen longer I'd also recommend setting them out for a few minutes before serving. Store in a sealed container in the freezer and they last up to one month. (Although you will probably eat them all before you even finish making them.)

Almond/Cashew Butter Recipe
Yield: 2 cups

2 cups raw almonds or cashews (you can use any nut or seed really for this)
1/4 cup oil (optional)

Blend almonds in food processor fitted with S blade or high-powered blender adding oil until it becomes smooth. I have found that using almond oil and adding a tiny bit of almond extract works great for almond butter. Here is a great blog post from a raw chef in the valley that shows how to make this at home and touts its many benefits as well.

A Fish Called Alla

2011-03-02T19:54:00.003-07:00

Our little family of three made our way over to the local pet shop to buy two little Beta fish last weekend. For some reason, I thought that Beta fish were these angry little fighting that only lived about week or two. Um, no. They can live up to three or four YEARS!

So our little family has now grown to include to fishies. One named Alla, after my sister and one of Dia's favorite people in the world, and the other is named Jerrett, after one of Rory's employees whom Dia also loves. If someone calls or if Dia is "talking" on her play phone, she always looks at me nodding and says, "Alla." If someone comes to the door, she runs towards it screaming "Alla!!!!" If a car drives by, you guessed it. If I have to tell her that it's not Alla, though, she turns to me knowingly and nods, saying "Jessa" (that's my other sister). She is completely in love with her aunties!

But when it came to naming the second fish, Dia was adamant: Jerrett. So there you have it.

And without further adieu, here are pics of Dia helping Papa set up the fishy homes:

Gratitude Monday...On a Tuesday?

2011-03-01T15:10:00.007-07:00

From the minute we walked out of The King's Speech on Saturday night, I knew what would top my gratitude list for the upcoming Monday. Unfortunately, yesterday got away from me.

What I had been itching to write about is weakness. I imagine my husband and I are some of the last people in North America to see The King's Speech. We had seen previews for it long before even Christmas and were thrilled that it was still in theaters last weekend. Sitting in the lovely dark theater, I knew instantly what drew me to this real-life character: his weakness. I was enthralled with this royal man of prime education, unimaginable wealth and historic fame who suffered from a stammer. Gossip magazines today are popular for at least bringing the rich and famous down to our, "normal" level. "Really?! Famous movie star girl has flab on her tummy, too?! Tell me more!" There is some part of us all that wants to know we are "normal" and that there really is nothing anyone else has that we can't also have, granted if we also had limitless spending on personal hairdressers. While I can't comment on the humility within the Hollywood, I can find inspiration in this king's humility when it came to addressing his weakness. It seemed that the only thing that stood between him and his ability to rise to the occasion was not just his stammer, but his ability to seek out help, from whomever might offer it. His ability to humble himself.

There is something so humbling in a king who stutters. A king who is flawed. Less than perfect. Brought down to the level of humanity like the rest of us so to speak. A king who is willing to admit his weakness and enter even a common office to be aided by a commoner (or less than that considering his Australian heritage with no formal education). Rory and I were both drawn to and inspired by his fight over weakness, a fight ultimately won in humility.

So today (or, ahem, yesterday) I find myself grateful for MY weakness. And the very real King who took it all on Himself and conquered it all through humility. Looking back on this week, I find myself thankful today for these blessings:

23. A King glorified in my weakness; who bore, glorified and now empathizes with very pathetic me
24. A daughter who I pray will always know an empathic Father, father, mother as she someday discovers her own weakness
25. A husband who continues to seek out my (blunt--forgive me!) opinion on his weakness
26. A mother-in-law and her father who took an entire morning to play at music class with Dia and me!

27. And then stayed for lunch, too! (Can this one count as ten blessings?!) (Sorry, Opa. Dia got a little wavey with the fork...)

28. The joy so richly found in picking out our own outfits! (She found this in her bottom drawer and fell over twice trying to put in on herself before we stepped in to help her. Then she kept rubbing her tummy to feel the tightness of the spandex against her skin! Oh attainable joy!)

29. Taking in new life (more on this to come!)

30. Having the best lunch date around

31. A husband who is (nearly) as passionate as I am about good, healthy food (Recipe soon to follow!)
31. The routine of hand stamps after the end of music class. Days like this we prefer to not wash our hands 32. My sleeping beauty whose blond strands still get entangled with mine as we rest and breathe and lay together

33. Rory's weekly date time with the girl we share (This was the pic he sent me while they were at music class)

34. God's special gift to Dia after leaving the doctor's office: A Mao! (Pronounced like "Chairman Mao"--rhymes with "cow." It's how Dia says "Meow." You simply cannot invent such preciousness.)

35. A family! And their excellent company during lunch and while we surprised them at church. Oma, Dia, Papa, Opa and Great-Opa. Four generations with more in common than not.
Happy Grateful Day--whichever day of the week it might be.

Mylking It--Raw, Vegan Style

2011-02-26T11:08:00.003-07:00

Full disclosure: my father and his family were raised on a dairy farm. They milked their cows daily (yep even on Christmas Day!) and sold most of it for profit, keeping a few gallons around for their own consumption. Milk, to my father, is as healthy as water. He loves it and drinks it with every meal.

His daughters, however, well, we're weirded out by milk. Please forgive us, Dad! Since I was young, dairy milk always left me feeling full of mucus (sorry, TMI, I know). I have never really liked the flavor, either (and I know so many people these days who are either lactose-intolerant or suffer from a full-on dairy allergy). So what's a girl to do when it comes to cereals and smoothies?

Make your own! No cow required.

The raw vegan lifestyle is all about getting the most possible nutrients out of your food. That's why we don't cook our food--heating food past 112 degrees destroys most of the natural enzymes that I believe God placed in food to help us not only absorb and digest nutrients, but also to assimilate them properly. There are a few exceptions: nutrients in cruciferous veggies like broccoli and cauliflower can actually be activated by steaming them just until their colors peak, i.e., they become bright white or green but are still aldente. But if you're looking for max nutrients and max enzymatic properties in your food, look no further than a raw apple or bunch of kale. In fact, I've heard people say before that they wish they could take a wire brush to their intestines, you know, to really clean out all the little nooks and crannies where food hides inside. Enter the green leafy vegetable! It's like a roto-rooter for your tummy.

Keeping this enzyme-rich goal in mind, it's important that I make the most of everything I eat. And when it comes to nuts and seeds, most of these are beneficial in the raw but still not enzyme-activated. Remember the raw buckwheat I sprouted? Sprouts are living and therefore chockfull of enzymes. By soaking things like nuts and seeds, you can activate them and then blend them into a milk, also called "mylk." Not only is it raw, living, enzyme-rich and much higher in protein than average milks or milk substitutes, but it's also super easy and pretty affordable. Plus, it's completely vegan and lactose-free.

Here's how we do it:

Nut Mylk
Yields 2 quarts

1 cup raw, organic nuts*, soaked in purified water for 2 hours or overnight
6 cups purified water

Blend until smooth and creamy, use it anywhere you use dairy milk or milk substitute. That's it! (I am telling you, raw foods are the easiest things to prepare!) Store in sealed jars in the fridge for about 2 or 3 days or until it smells funny. You can alter the amount of water to make it creamier or thinner according to your taste. The more water, the thinner the mylk and the less water, the thicker or creamier the mylk. I also sometimes add about a tablespoon or so of honey just because, again, honey is so nutritious that I try to squeeze it in everywhere I can. And lastly, this thick kind of mylk makes for the best hot chocolate or latte. It's so thick and creamy you might never want to go to back to dairy milk. (Don't tell my dad!)

*A few notes on nuts: most nuts contain something called an eznyme-inhibitor. These inhibitors make it very hard to digest the nuts. Soaking them removes this inhibitor by activating the enzymes. Also, with so many different nuts to choose from try a few different kinds to see which flavor and texture you like best. My favorite right now is cashew mylk--cashews are very rich and creamy but somewhat mild in flavor so the mylk adapts well to just about any use.

One of my favorite things about this mylk is not only that it's full of activated enzymes and highly nutritious fats and oils, but also that it's not full of all the preservatives found in most milk substitutes. Have you ever read the label on rice milk? It's not so pretty. With nut mylk, however, I know exactly what's in it and don't worry about preservatives, additives or anything else I can't pronounce (not to mention the chemicals used to line many of the cartons...yikes!).

And how does it hold up for us budget-conscious consumers? I'd say pretty well. One bag of 16 ounces of certified organic cashews typically comes to about $12--that's $6 a cup (buy in bulk, however, and that price drops to $5 a cup). One cup of nuts makes just over two quarts or one half-gallon of milk. At my local grocery store, one half gallon of organic milk comes to just about $5--that's the same price of nut mylk if you buy in bulk. Keep in mind, too, that you can always thin out the nut mylk by adding more water, easily putting you below the five dollar mark. You can also shop for various kinds of nuts and purchase what's on sale. If you're looking for an affordable way to get the most nutritious milk, look no further than nut mylk.

Happy Mylking!

When Mothering Is Your Profession

2011-02-22T17:16:00.005-07:00

Can I share my thought for today with you?

Some background: I have to admit that I almost instantly felt that my bond with my sisters had changed when Dia was born. It didn't weaken or wane, it just changed. Something about being a mother and nursing your daughter and worrying about nap times and diaper changes kind of pulled me out of the clothes-conscious, no-time-constraint life that singleness brings. I think it's a normal part of being the oldest child. You do things first and often go a while without empathy or understanding from your younger siblings.

I sought out other young moms like me, though, and found that spending time with like-minded and like-living people helped me feel "normal" again. No one even gave you a second glance if you had banana on your clothes and hadn't showered for a few days. We all exchanged stories about sleep deprivation and our hopes and fears for our little ones.

But every now and then I have step out of my circle and enter the real world. Like today, for instance. Today Dia and I went to visit my aunt and uncle. They own a production company downtown (I used to love being an extra as a kid for their various projects!) and we had planned on grabbing lunch together. They are one of the most fun couples I know and really some of the only extended family I have in town that I am close with.

Hanging around their production studio after lunch, though, I found myself in a room of creative professionals. And realized...they are all my age (give or take five years). I even asked my aunt who the young guy was and she said, "An intern." He looked so young to me! And here I thought I was still closer to the intern age than the professional age. I guess a part of me has always held on to that security blanket of choosing the "modern women's route," but I always thought I had time to make that decision still. You know, when I am older. But seeing all of them in that room really impacted me: to get ahead later, you have to be working now.

And what's more, as Dia played with various objects around the room and delighted the crowd I overheard some of these young professionals dissect my lifestyle.

"Think you'll have kids?"
"What and clean poop up?"
Laughing and chuckling.
"I don't know...dogs are a lot easier."
"No, you have to clean their poop, too."
"And even wipe their *bottoms* (my word choice there)!"
"I can't imagine having kids."
"She's so cute, though!"
"What's her name again," this one was direct my way and I told them her name.
"Oh! So sweet."
More laughter.
"I can't ever see myself with kids."

Admittedly, they were a funny bunch! But it was the first time that I really saw the line in the sand so to speak. The professional world on one side, being Dia's mommy and the life of a stay at home mom on the other.

I want to stop here and make crystal clear that there was not one moment of hesitation for me regarding which side of that line I stand on: I am a stay at home and proud of it! It's only the reality of my choice that hit me today...and the reality that I am choosing where to spend this critical time of my life. While I am not getting any younger as far as my professional career goes (I worked as a freelance writer among other things before having Dia), neither are they. I can't imagine putting off the joy of motherhood for a life inside an office (not that that's what they're doing, they have fabulous jobs and are extremely talented, but to me, that's what I would have felt like).

Life is a funny thing and, as you may have noticed, there is no instruction manual. Even the Bible won't spell out every choice you should make. Stephanie 1:3 "And thou shalt become a mother and devote every last breath to the joy and edification of your family." Ha! But it is clear that He will speak to you and tell you which way to turn, whether to the left or to the right. I have heard and I know I have obeyed. And it has led me right to my heart: to Dia and our family.

And now I know it's a choice I am glad I am making...even though I am older than the intern.

Gratitude Monday

2011-02-21T16:12:00.009-07:00

My husband and I are finding that attitude really IS everything. Last night we went out on a date and halfway through our time alone together laughed at how we had gone from feeling like potential cheapskates to then feeling surprisingly hip and confident to then feeling unsure and a little nerdy to finally to feeling like the luckiest couple in town in a matter of, oh, say an hour. Obviously nothing literally changed in our life (same income, same family/relationship status, same clothes on our backs, etc.), but the way we felt about those things, well, that can be like rollerblading on gravel--quite a bit bumpy and too often unpredictable.

As you know from reading my emotions off of my sleeve (aka this blog), life isn't always sunny and maintaining a Christ-centered and Christ-like marriage brings surprising challenges. Last week on Valentine's Day Rory brought me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. Apparently he happened upon a florist with a master's degree in floral arrangement (ahem, one of 80 such degreed floral connoisseurs in the world). Rory asked for an arrangement of sunflowers and roses (totally nailed it, by the way). And this is what the professional created:

It's striking and has not only survived more than seven days in stale water and a sunshine-starved living room, but the green and brown branches have actually blossomed.

That's never happened before. Most of our flowers linger on for a week or so (especially if I am faithful to rinse them, put fresh water in the vase and clip the stems). This time we simply sat back and admired it, hoping to enjoy it for what it was worth. And then it bloomed. New life just growing afresh right there on our dining room table. We regularly stop to watch the miracle.

We're learning to stop regularly and see His miracles in us, too. And hope for many, many more blossoms in our life together.

I have heard that gratitude is part of the Lord's plan for opening our eyes to His miracles...which is why I want to start counting His blessings in my life. Every Monday a blogger whom I don't know but love turns her manic Monday into a Multitude Monday and her example has struck a chord of inspiration with me. She's counting her way up to and beyond 1,000 gifts. Here I go with my first few:

1. Grace
2. The beauty of new life, even if it is just on a branch in a vase on my dining table
3. Relationships that grow and change and sometimes just barely hold on
4. Astounding beauty that you can only see looking into your child's eyes
5. Bonding time--all the time when you have the right attitude
6. A husband who can turn a trip to pick up take-out into a father-daughter bonding experience while Mama enjoys the quiet
7. Quiet
8. "Mi-mi" as Dia calls all music, singing or any other remotely melodious sounds
9. A sister who calls to see if she can just stop by (YES! A thousand times Yes!)
10. Our first real owie complete with "nan-aid" (bandaid)
11. The privilege of showing the world to a three-foot tall blonde beauty who replies "Yeaaahhh...." to everything you show her (AGH! I die.)
12. Date nights
13. Watching your husband fall in love with someone else and feeling nothing but pure joy...
14. Provision: yes, food, water, clothing, shoes, transportation and a roof over our heads. If it weren't for these I wouldn't know where to start.
15. A God who loves by forgiving and saves before I even know to ask
16. A family unit
17. Examples before me who lead me to Him
18. A perfect accomplice in surprising my husband: my accomplished sister
19. His Word
20. That fabulous groundhog--my apologies to the Northerners but I love a long winter in the southwest
21. Learning that most everything makes an excellent toy
22. Being Mama

Can Your Food Do This? (Sprouting Food + Another Choco Recipe To Love)

2011-02-18T21:57:00.005-07:00

I think we are finding a great groove with our raw lifestyle. (And I should somehow be getting paid to advertise for it because I just can't stop talking about how much I love eating this way!)

The key to raw (and I love this so much) is to be constantly eating. Seriously. You can eat, eat and eat all day long. The amazing thing is that your appetite decreases, so, for example, having a huge breakfast is almost completely out of the question, but a green drink in the morning (I juice any combination of fruits and veggies using my Omega juicer) can do the trick. If I'm planning to do something more strenuous than usual, I'll make a smoothie and grab an apple with almond butter. But lately I've just been in the mood for a banana or even a small orange to start out my day. But I don't end there!

I snack all day long. Take today for example. I started out with the banana. Added a few kiwi slices after a while. Then I shared some sprouted buckwheat cereal and home-made cashew milk with D. Not long after made a power-packed green smoothie (1 frozen banana, home-made cashew milk, huge handful of spinach, chia seeds, flax oil and spirulina--this thing was as green as Gumby and lasted me most of the day. I just kept sipping on it (and sharing it with Dia). At some point I squezed in an apple with home-made almond butter. Then had a few handfuls of blueberries. I put baked potatoes in the oven for us for dinner and served it with an avocado for each of us and our old classic Mock Tuna Salad (this meal is seriously our comfort food!). Afterwards I made some chocolate mint pudding. (Are you also noticing the home-made theme with our food? Raw food is so ridiculously easy to make at home, you'd be crazy not to make it yourself! And I love knowing exactly what is in our food.) I kept up with lots of water as the raw food diet keeps you intimately acquainted with your thirst--such a good thing! So it's not that I am necessarily eating that much more as in calorie-intake as much as that I am just eating more often. I feel very much like a little rabbit or bird eating bits and pieces of fruits and veggies throughout the day. And the energy level? Through the roof! Sometimes I wake up hours before Dia and just putter around, up and awake (something that never happened when I lived off of goat cheese quesadillas!).

I like to think that part of my energy comes from the fact that my body doesn't have to work overly hard to digest its food because all of the natural enzymes are still intact. What really excites me is when I can take seeds or nuts and watch them grow (aka sprout)! Then I know that I am really eating living foods and there's plenty of research on how beneficial living foods are, especially sprouts.

And of course the biggest reason we keep eating this way is that it really is so simple. (I recently read a raw recipe book that touted if you know how to slice an apple, then you are a raw food chef, but if you know how to dice an apple then you're a gourmet raw food chef! Ha!)

Here are some recent buckwheat sproutlings (these took less than 24 hours):

Baby plants!

See it's cute little tail? I grew that in my cupboard!

I stay away from fancy sprouting techniques and find that my good ol' colander does the trick just perfectly. Dia liked eating them just like this--they are very soft and easy to chew.

So are you on pins and needles, anxious to sprout your own food? It's just a matter of soaking and then allowing enough time and the right environment to sprout. Make sure that you're using un-processed nuts or seeds (for example, oatmeal is the processed form of oat groats; you cannot sprout oatmeal, you can sprout oat groats), follow this chart for the right soaking times and then once adequately rinsed let them sit in the colander covered with a towel for the necessary time as listed in the chart.

Have I lost you? It's really just that easy. Want to sprout some sunflower seeds (again, not the salted roasted seeds you buy at the convenience store, but the hulled raw seeds you buy from the health store or Whole Foods or even Trader Joe's)? You would place a cup or two (the amount usually doubles so if you want four cups of sprouted seeds, start with two) of seeds in a bowl with twice the amount of water. Let it soak for about 2 hours. Then put them in the colander and rinse them very, very, very well as the water it soaked in is now full of yuckies like enzyme-inhibitors and other "dead" material, so rinse until the water runs perfectly clear. Cover the colander with a towel and place it in a dark area at room temperature (I use my cupboard). Let it sit there for about two days, rinsing every 8-12 hours to prevent mold. Before you know it, you'll see those cute little sprouts start to form and suddenly your seeds have become tiny little plants packed with nutrition. Use them in salads or wraps as the ultimate superfood addition.

With the buckwheat I sprouted aboved I simply added milk and agave and our whole family had a delicious "cereal" that would bring any bowl of Wheaties to its knees.

And my delicious, under five minutes to make all raw chocolate mint pudding:

You won't believe how easy (and rich and creamy and delicious) this is:

Chocolate Mint Pudding*

1 avocado, pitted and the insides scooped out
1/4 cup honey or to taste
1/4 cup raw cacao
1/4 cup water (I use mint water sometimes for an added minty kick)
1-2 teaspoons mint extract, again to taste

Blend and enjoy. No cooking, no dairy, no sugar. Instead wholesome honey (nature's only complete food), omega-packed avocado, antioxidant-rich chocolate and deliciousness.

*You can also make this without the mint extract and mint water for plain chocolate pudding.

You don't have to be a raw fooder to enjoy the many benefits of raw foods. Try replacing your family's dessert with this pudding next time and see what happens!

Once Upon A Time

2011-02-16T09:02:00.005-07:00

Once upon a time there was a darling little girl whose papa brought her a red balloon.

Oh how she loved that balloon.

The Marriage of the White-Washed Tombs

2011-02-15T05:00:00.006-07:00

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. And oh how we cried.

There's nothing harder than marriage. I hear sighs and even chuckles from those of us on the latter side of the first five years since saying I do. It's especially hard when you know Jesus.

Maybe that last part doesn't make sense. But, to be honest, I do blame Jesus. And, to be equally honest, I think He knows why.

Do you know Him? If you know Jesus than you know peace. Real real real peace. Beautiful, genuine peace. Then, according to His wisdom, all wives should know the same peace via their husbands. (Did I hear sarcastic laughter from us same jaded bunch?) No really. It's true. The whole husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church bit isn't just meant for theory. But, let's theorize here: if the Christian church today was chock-full to the brim with men dying to themselves to serve and glorify their wives...well, think we'd have to work on our Christian testimony much? Or do you think that this dying world full of emotional pain and relational turmoil would turn in desperate need to this Jesus that we emulate first in our homes and then let radiate out to all in need? My mom often says the only shock-value left in this world is a successful marriage.

I don't blame non-Christians for not seeking us Christians out. Too many times all we have to offer is cute music and a lot of shame. Rarely do I see a relationship in church that I want to emulate. And let's be honest--people are looking for role models. People are dying for role models. But wasn't it Jesus who died for us?

This is where all our trouble started. See my husband took on a vow to love me, even understand me, as Christ does. Oh how the thought of it warmed my heart when first we began. Sure I envisioned a struggle and a disagreement or two between us. I did not envision my own weariness at this battle. I did not envision pillows soaked with tears over a very real sense of abandonment from this man who too often let love come with words, too rarely with action. I never thought I'd feel unloved. Not unloved to such a real and deep degree. But I did. I have. I, ugh, will probably again.

These words, these ones of marital pain, are the ones too often left out of sermons and Bible studies. People, Christians, don't seem to know what to do with them. I used to work at my church (I love my church--love most churches I attend, actually!) and remember overhearing two pastors chuckle at their own counseling abilities. Apparently, just about every couple that either of them had counseled were now divorced. And knowing these two God-servers, I knew they had tried everything to save the marriages that came to them in distress. Yet...How many couples do we all know who could not endure the pain I described? It is hard. Hard. Life-threatening. We all know the marriage stats--over 50% don't make it, whether in the church or not.

This doesn't make sense to those of us who know Jesus. I know, I know about the submission deal (how husband and wife are called to submit to each other as unto Jesus). And if husbands are also called to love (to live? Yes, to live!) as Christ, well, how many women do you know who would really abandon Christ? Not the church-version of Jesus, but the actual Jesus in the Bible.

Let's observe: being married to Jesus would look (yea, feel) like...being never condemned (ok, I'm even laughing at that one! How many of us weak women would die, cry to be relieved of the guilt we carry daily! This freedom alone would bind us to our sweethearts forever I daresay!), being served (would He wash even our feet?), being relieved of merely serving others so that we, too, could partake in the joy around us (oh Martha, how we know thee! Yet how often as wife and mother do I find myself the only one of us two who are married leaving the party to change the diaper? Clean the dishes?), always being thought of, no matter the work/problem/stress that lay ahead (as He literally hung dying who did He remember? His mama...Oh, Lord, You are truly too great for us.), being empathized with to the point that He would work miracles (how many times have I seen him nod as I talk, knowing he hears but doesn't feel what I say...and yet, Jesus wept with his friends...emotions so strong that He then brought a man back from the dead). Do I even need to go on? A marriage that truly carried even one of those characteristics (and we know there are so many more qualities to Jesus' love!) would be so different, so genuine it would be nearly magnetic to those of us in search for authenticity.

Which brings me back to Jesus and how my husband's quest to love and live like Him has actually brought us pain. So much pain. It has also brought us so nearly to the breaking point so many times.

It's also what brought the tears last night as we re-visited our wedding-sight and laughed and cried and danced. We are approaching seven years since we not only said "I do," but also vowed to love each other honestly, to allow him to see when he does not love as He does (yes, this requires a great sacrifice from a wife: all access honesty to my true heart, that place of pain and joy I trust to no one else). We promised to stay the course. We laughed and cried so much thinking about how we never could have known just what that meant.

I cried a lot because I never could have known how much it hurts to be married. To continually offer up my heart to a man who wants to love me but just doesn't know how. Not naturally, at least. And I cried because for nearly seven years not only have I wanted him to love me, but I have needed it. Oh so desperately! When the Bible talks about us women as weaker this is what I believe it means. Sometimes I am smarter than my husband. Rarely can I open or lift something he can't. But always, oh, how always, I need him to love me to a depth that he doesn't even know exists. I can't submit my way to get him nearer to the Lord anymore than the church can pray Jesus closer to the Father. How backwards that would be! He is to be to me as Christ to the church...in submission to each other, under submission to Him. And let me tell you from personal experience oh how freely and richly the respect flows from that perfect relationship. There is no quieting my powerful voice...he has already heard and understood it from our conversations at home. There is no shushing of my many thoughts and ideas...again, he already knows them. There is now a symbiosis, a harmony whose glory? Well, it's all His.

Oh the example He has set before us! Anyone can get married (most will get divorced). Anyone can appear happily married: hand-holding, date nights, lots of big smiles. But how Pharisee-ish of us to only appear it while dishonoring the truth, to allow what should be the testimony of our marriages to wane as white-washed tombs. I say this because I know we all are not happily married...or if we are, we have missed out on His best for us: complete imitation of Himself and His ways. This is a commitment greater than love and respect, greater than smiles and date nights. This is a commitment to a literal living out of His literal word.

And it's hard.

It has made us laugh and cry. And mostly, in between, made us more like Him.

Happy Valentine's Day. A day late, but never too early to really start living. And loving.

Raw Vegan Update + Healthy Choco Recipe

2011-02-10T20:32:00.006-07:00

So we're still raw vegans over here. Well, 98% raw vegan. One night a week we eat red meat and one night we eat fish so technically we're not vegans. And surprisingly, the two nights a week of cooked protein come a lot more often than you'd think! This healthy balance that we're finding is actually kind of hard. It's one thing to be raw and it's one thing to eat the standard American diet (SAD), but combining them...well, if feels right, but it's weird.

So we start out the day with either a green smoothie (spinach, frozen bananas, fresh strawberries, rice milk or coconut water, spirulina, flax oil and dates is our favorite right now) or a vegetable juice (carrot, spinach, cucumber, celery, lemon, apple, ginger and either romaine or kale or chard depending on what's going bad first). The rest of the day is mostly a combination of snacks rather than solid, sit-down meals. We eat nuts, raisins, oranges from the tree, apples, almond butter, dehydrated onion bread, dehydrated flax crackers, avocados, and here's the best part, dessert!

Raw desserts are unlike anything you've had before. They're amazing. Let me try that again. AMAZING. Can I tempt you? Would you be interested in chocolate brownies for breakfast? Oh yeah. You read that right. Brownies. For breakfast. It's gooooooood. (I substitute honey for agave in that recipe, by the way. Agave is still somewhat controversial but honey is almost always a great sub that we know is nutritious.)

We don't make a habit of it, but when the mood strikes I actually have no hesitation serving Dia a lovely raw vegan brownie for breakfast. This girl is well-versed in her chocolates. Raw chocolates, that is. High in essential oils, the superfood raw cacao (which does not have caffeine in its raw state) and yes, even protein (from the walnuts and almonds).

And just in time for Valentine's Day, here's our most beloved recipe for raw chocolate. It's super duper easy: mix, pour and freeze. You may get carried away and eat the whole batch by yourself...but it won't give you even one little cavity (I'll tell you the story someday about how I went five years without seeing a dentist and without brushing regularly while never flossing, but since cutting out sugar had zero cavitities at my first dental appointment and did NOT even require a deep cleaning as is per usual for someone who hasn't been to the dentist in that long). Instead, it will hydrate your skin, improve your mood and dole out a delicious dose of antioxidants. Who doesn't feel good about that?!

Raw Chocolate
1 1/2 Cups Cacao butter or coconut oil (in its liquid state)
1 to 1 1/2 Cups Cacao (not cocoa, but cacao--check online or at Whole Foods) depending on taste, the more cacao the darker the chocolate flavor
1/2 Cup Agave or maple syrup or even liquid honey
1 Tbsp Vanilla extract
1 1/2 to 3 Cups Almonds or other favorite ingredient (raisins, walnuts, goji berries, etc.)

Mix ingredients in mixer adding almonds last. Spread on wax paper on cookie sheet, freeze. Score into small pieces 15 minutes after placed in freezer.

(Did you catch that? This makes an entire cookie sheet of chocolate! All for you!)

A few notes:
-Coconut oil is very, very good for you. Some people tried to get us to believe that fats from things like avocados and coconuts were bad for us, but it's not true (that is so 80's!). So don't feel bad about this "saturated" fat. It does harden when frozen which is what keeps the chocolate solid, so make sure to keep it in the freezer and only take out as much as you can eat, otherwise you will have very chocolately fingers!
-Agave is not exactly good for you. There are a lot of rave reviews out there and while I will always believe it's better than sugar, splenda, equal or any other chemical, it should be eaten in conservative quantities. Unless it's that time of the month. Then you eat this entire cookie sheet of chocolate by yourself. In one sitting. While watching Steel Magnolias (80's on the brain, I guess). With a glass of pinot.
-You can buy most of these ingredients at your local health food store, Whole Foods has everything for sure or you can always go online for better deals (although then you'll have to wait longer for the chocolate...hmmm...). Don't hesitate to buy a large container of coconut oil--it's one of the best oils to cook with (it may leave a slight coconut flavor, though, which I've never detected but just be aware).
-Since the beloved V-Day is right around the corner, feel free to pour this chocolate into heart molds or anything else cutesy. Just store it in the freezer and you're good to go.
-You can buy this chocolate in stores (well, Whole Foods or the hippie herb store Chakra). It's stored at room temperature (if I knew their secret I wouldn't be handing out my recipe for free...) and is made with love in Sedona. They are called L.O.V.E. Cups and are good, but not quite as rich and hearty as this yummy recipe.
-You will love this. I recommend keeping a sheet in your freezer at all times. Not only will it save you money, but it might just save your health (and your teeth!), too!

Growing Up

2011-02-07T20:38:00.004-07:00

Everyday Dia learns something new. It astounds me.

A few days ago she pointed to her eye (while squinting, of course) and said, "DD eye."

WHAT?!

Who told her that?!

Oh yeah. We did. But still...I guess I just didn't expect her to start repeating already. As you know, I cried when she turned one. I will cry at each milestone now, apparently!

So tonight when she pointed to her chest and said (to no one in particular, I might add, she was merely commenting) "I Dia," Rory and I nearly fell over.

When asked her name, she will say, "Name," very matter of factly. But then whenever the mood strikes, she'll point to herself and say, "I Dia."

All this growing up has me excited for all that's to come (and yes, emotional over all that's progressed already). When I read this great article on Mothering.com about early reading I knew I had to document and spread the word. Make sure you read the fine print in the author's bio at the end of the article--the three-year-old she wrote about is now a biochemist. Amazing how fast our little ones grow, amazing what they can accomplish.

Apples To Oranges

2011-02-03T08:01:00.004-07:00

I still remember it vividly. The day my MD explained to me about the oranges.

"Stephanie," he said. "I'm just curious if you're still eating oranges. Be honest, but I'd like to know."

The truth is I have two beautifully full orange trees in my backyard. I tell you there is nothing like the taste of a fresh-picked, organic, all natural orange. I've eaten them first thing in the morning, as snacks, even with dinner. And yes, on occasion, they've made the best dessert. I simply walk outside, pick one or two (ok, ok, sometimes I pick a lot when I'm especially in the mood for them), peel it right there and then take a delicious juicy bite. Oh man, there's nothing like it! But why would the doctor be so concerned about this?

"Um," I stammered, trying to pinpoint the origin of his medical query, "Well, I--"

"I thought so," he interrupted.

"Look," he went on. "Oranges are...well, they're great for kids. Teenagers maybe. But you're 22 now. 22 years old. Do you really think that oranges are necessary at this age? Let me ask you, do you see all of your friends eating oranges past the age of 22?"

He seemed agitated. Maybe even genuinely concerned. Apparently something about eating oranges past the ripe old age of 22 wasn't sitting well with him. To be honest, I'd never thought about it. In fact, I've never heard of any medical professional advising anyone about food restrictions based on age alone.

I racked my brain--oranges, oranges, oranges...what was it about the oranges? I knew they were packed with vitamin c, high enough in fiber to reduce cholesterol, full of antioxidants found nowhere else in nature...hmm...Oh. Maybe he's worried about all the work it takes to eat oranges. I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but my hands do sometimes get sore from all the picking, peeling and eating. Yeah, maybe he's just concerned about my comfort.

And come to think of it, I don't see a lot of my friends eating oranges. I mean, they might do it at home in secret, but I can't recall the last time I watched an adult pull out a fresh orange from their bag and start peeling away right there in public. Maybe I've stumbled upon a social taboo. Maybe you're not supposed to eat oranges....or at least, not in public. Oh! I even remember one time I spilled a little juice from my orange once! Oh no, there was no way to hide my orange-eating that day. Wow. I wish someone had told me about this obvious sin.

The doctor interrupted my thoughts. "Stephanie, I'd like to give you this," he offered me a paper coupon. "It's 75% off a case of orange-flavored soda pop. I think you should try it. It comes in a bottle with a lid and a label so it won't look weird to your friends and family if you drink this. And," he seemed to get really excited about this last part, "this particular brand has been fortified with all kinds of vitamins and nutrients. It doesn't have antioxidants and certainly can't lower blood pressure or help fight cancer like normal oranges, but it is high in vitamin c, something that's really important for you to be consuming."

Wow, I thought. I'm so grateful that this medical professional, the man who spent YEARS in medical school (not health and wellness school, not dietary or nutrition school, but MEDICAL school) cared enough about me to show me the right way to get my nutrients. I mean, before this appointment, I would have been carelessly enjoying fresh, delicious oranges when it's now clear to me that orange soda is way more acceptable. Thanks, doc.

....................................

Are you laughing yet? Infuriated by the audacity of a medical professional to take away my right to fresh oranges and instead suggest I drink teeth-rotting, bone-decaying, sugar-filled soda?

This is the scenario I dreamed up this morning as I imagined what some doctors (ok, and friends and family!) would say to me about continuing to nurse my daughter at 16 months of age. I have yet to hear one solid piece of actual health benefit to weaning my daughter before we're ready. And yet, by the time our little ones are 6 months of age doctors are right there to encourage us to cut our babies off. Why? Well, who knows, they could be 22 years old and still nursing in public, right?

Anyway, hope I didn't offend anyone, but I do hope this encourages all of us to question all of our accepted norms in light of what is really best for us and our families.

I'm off to pick some oranges.

Daredevil

2011-01-30T21:26:00.002-07:00

Ever wondered if daredevils get their need for thrills from an early childhood experience????? Found this video when I was cleaning off the camera, it's a little long but the first few seconds really say it all.

GIVEAWAY!

2011-01-29T20:38:00.002-07:00

If there ever was a mom from my own generation who I'd love to be more like, it's Heather over at Cultivated Lives. A fellow KONOS alum, she speaks my language and I love her heart for her boys.

She's doing a fabulous giveaway for a fabulous cause over at her blog and it's ridiculously easy to enter--in fact, you'd be crazy not to enter!

Hope to see your name in the comments section over at Cultivated Lives...and best of luck to you :)

In case you didn't see all the links above, you can enter here.

It's Good To Be A Girl

2011-01-27T23:37:00.003-07:00

u

My Aunt Theresa gifted Dia with this beautiful tutu (along with the adorable hoodie and fantastic leggings) for Christmas. People often stop Dia to tell her how beautiful she is, but in this outfit, well, we couldn't walk into a store without literal gasps of "Oh my gosh--do you see how cute that little girl is?" A few folks even yelled at us from across a few yards "ADORABLE!" What can we say? We love being a girl! Thanks, Auntie T!

thanks

2011-01-19T23:18:00.002-07:00

Just a quick thank you for enduring all these changes to the blog. I am most assuredly not tech-savy but somehow want these black and white keys to express what I feel on the inside...thus, a lot lot lot of changes. Not sure I've quite found my style yet, but appreciate your understanding.

Xo,

Steph

Creamy Onion Dip--Raw Vegan (By Request)

2011-01-19T22:22:00.003-07:00

A beloved vegan friend suggested I post this recipe after I mentioned it here and I am tickled she asked. She actually gave it to me a few years back and we all grinned as her kids literally licked it off their veggies. If you've been wanting to encourage your kids (or family) to veg up but hesitate to use bottled ranch dressing (and I fully support your hesitation--that stuff is full of yucky, horrible, no good chemicals), we have your answer! This recipe is raw, vegan and still high in protein, and of course, flavor.

If you have never pulverized nuts/seeds, you're in for a treat (does that sound wrong or is it just me?). Raw nuts are full of healthy and necessary to life oils. Soaking and then blending them releases these oils, which is why you can get the creamiest of dips (and cheesecakes!) from cashews and macademias. Crazy, huh? I didn't believe it myself until I tried it. And where there are various concerns (scientific as well as anecdotal) with dairy, the only concern with nuts is the potential for an allergic reaction. (This is a great dip to make for anyone who is lactose intolerant or allergic to dairy, too.) So as with any nut/seed, wait until you're comfortable introducing them as a new food and make sure to introduce them as the only new food for about two weeks to able to watch for and pinpoint any sings of reaction.

This not only makes a great dip for vegetables, but with some added water it also makes a great salad dressing. Use it anywhere you'd use traditional ranch dressing. This recipe does not require any soaking of the cashews.

Creamy Onion Dip

2 cups raw cashews

1/4 cup water (or more if needed)

3 Tbsp fresh lemon juice

2 tsp salt

2 small or 1 large garlic clove(s)

1 Tbsp onion powder

2 Tbsp dill

Blend all ingredients in high powered blender or food processor until creamy. Add more water for creamier texture if needed/desired. And as with nearly any recipe I use, feel free to add to/subtract from the measurements suggested until its flavor suits you.

*Apologies for the poor photo quality--my cell phone was the only camera available at the time.

Look Ma!

2011-01-13T23:42:00.005-07:00

Dia found a new way to ride her bike....

And knowing the fearless and fun girl that she is, I can see her turning BMX tricks in no time!

I May Not Look Old Enough...

2011-01-13T23:27:00.003-07:00

But word on the street is that I am a Grandma!

Dia is all about the babies and plays regularly with the baby doll I gave her for Christmas but has always had a special place in her heart for this beany baby type teddy bear that we call "Baby Bear." And yesterday, we took Baby Bear around the neighborhood for a walk. The cutest thing was that she would pull Baby Bear out of the stroller to show her different things like the neighbor's fantastic animal Christmas light collection (yep, mid-January but looks like December 25th still on their front lawn!) and our other neighbor's water meter. SO CUTE. I was grinning and holding back laughs--sometimes I wonder if someone is filming this stuff and just hired Dia as an actor because she is just so adorable I can barely believe it! She is amazingly maternal already...so maternal, I feel like a Grandma!

Inspiration

2011-01-13T13:26:00.002-07:00

As I wrote a little earlier, I am finding my way as a mom more and more these days. Since I plan to home-school, some people ask me when I'll start.

Start? Start what?

Start educating my daughter? Isn't that what I did when we read books this morning? Or took a walk to pick oranges yesterday afternoon? Or when I pushed her on her bike through the neighborhood and she stopped to explore their water pipes?

Actually, I think she learns A TON when we grocery shop and run errands. She learns not just the basic facts of handing money to the cashier, but also how to smile and be polite. How to wait our turn nicely. How to behave and function. (Did you read about her "maying"? I mean, if that isn't proof that child training begins right at home, then I don't know what is!) There are a lot of great teachers out there, but no one quite like Mama and Papa. Certainly no one who loves her as we do, so even with all our disqualifications, the grace of a loving relationship can (hopefully...) endure and even flourish.

Rory brought home this book from the library a few weeks ago and it has been an excellent read. The writing isn't anything special (kind of reads like a book report actually!), but its simple style lends itself well to the meat and weight of the content. And as a mama trying to find her stable footing, I've even cried at some of the stories as their honest and hard-fought fight to do what they know is right resonates with me. And I've been extremely inspired to pursue our own path with home schooling and child-raising. It can be hard to go it alone, so to speak. To not only be so confident in what I know is right for my daughter, but to actually walk it out.

One of the moms from the book says, "People everywhere are following the same general plan of nursery school, school, college, jobs. It is always surprising to me, that they don't believe they have any other choices. ... One of our goals is to help (our daughter) be true to herself, not to follow the herd. The gift we're giving our daughter is to be able to take eighteen years of her life, at the beginning, and really discover who she is, what she's good at, and what it means to be a good person. We're giving (her) the space to pursue many interests, and to reflect on who she is and where she wants to go in her life."

Another, "One pleasant surprise for me has been the experience of seeing us all become so close. Unfortunately, the way my children value my company and my opinion is something rather foreign to many families these days. We live as a team, with each member making contributions appropriate to his or her age and gifts. So we have a true sense of needing each other." Later the same mom says, "I want everyone to know: You can do this."

And this was a great, simple answer to the socialization question: "Our children interact with each other daily. There are people of different ages, different personalities, different temperaments under one roof. They play with people in our neighborhood. They participate in a variety of activities of their choosing. ...for us socialization means much more. We're teaching our children to be productive members of our family so they can be productive members of our community and, later, the world. ...I don't think the public school system teaches true socialization. They teach a child to conform to the group around him. I don't want my kids conforming to a group of children who make fun of those who are different (two of her boys have ADHD, just so you have a little background here). I don't want my teens conforming to a group where doing their assignments means they're inferior and weird, and where they have to smoke, drink and have sex to fit in."

And this one really hit home: "When a child is in school, the teacher slowly replaces the parents as the authority figure of a son or daughter's life. It takes some time to switch it back to the way it should be."

But mostly it was reading stories like this that inspired me: "I love homschooling and the kids love it, too. We live a homeschooling lifestyle. We don't try to mimic the public school's schedule or time blocks. ... Learning is fun and exciting for my children, because they don't have to worry if it's going to be on a test. They can read for enjoyment... and they love being able to express their ideas without being mocked by their peers."

"It's wonderful to be with your child as he takes his first step and says his first word. With homeschooling, I get to be there as they reach other milestones as well. I was able to hear my children read their first words and spell their names for the first time. When they make one of their many realizations and discoveries, it is my husband and I who to share that celebration with them."

Of course, "There certainly are unique challenges in homeschooling. Perhaps some see these as problems with homeschooling. But I see them as family challenges. Normal family problems may be magnified when families are together for longer periods of time, such as kids arguing, kids not wanting to listen to their mother or father, and a mom with burnout." Personally, I found these problems to be problems whether homeschooled or not. Homeschooling offers the time and availability to work them out. There was nothing worse than being sent off to school after having a fight with my mom. Being homeschooled, well, you're either going to resolve that issue or....well, you're gonna resolve it, buddy!

But the best and most reassuring parts could be found in almost all 21 stories: their housework is never done either! Yes! I love that I'm not the only one! (Please, don't point out that most of them have mulitple children.)

When All You Eat...

2011-01-12T20:37:00.003-07:00

When all you eat (and drink) are veggies, apparently all your kids will want is veggies, too.

Eating raw has been different this time around. The first time was exciting, like an experiment. We kept it quiet from our beloved carnivore/omnivore friends and had an adrenaline rush that kept us digging for more information. This time around, Whole Foods has a raw section! And it has actually affected my excitement, I think. It now feels a little more common and well, common just isn't as exciting as uncommon. I am thrilled that the raw lifestyle is growing in popularity and we found some great treats in the raw section, but there was something special about those first trips to the farmer's market where I just grabbed everything green and made my husband eat it. We had lots of "fun."

But where the novelty may have worn off, there's nothing quite as adventurous as living with India. She's given this detox quite the motivation I needed, not to mention that I can't eat any of her same food allergens since I'm nursing.

And it turns out that her food allergies/sensitivities were a kind of answer to my prayer. I kept asking the Lord for a kick in the pants, so to speak, to eat better. But like I said before, too often settled for the goat cheese quesadilla. Nothing's wrong per se with a goat cheese quesadilla, but it's not very nutrient rich. And by the time dinner came around, even serving it with a salad still left me on the short end of the vitamin stick.

But when you take out eggs, wheat (all kinds), corn and a variety of "easy" fruits like strawberries and watermelon, well, you're left with veggies. Lots and lots of veggies. I think food choices have actually become easier now that we're raw vegans again. And our delightful girl who always preferred bread to carrots and pita to hummus, now prefers raw kale (mostly she gnaws on the stem or swirls it around in her mouth until she's licked all the dressing off, ha ha), steamed carrots and raw nut cheese. And this girl loves to juice! If juicers weren't so pricey, I'd recommend buying them as toys.

One of the easiest ways I've found to make dinner is simply steam whatever veggies we eat raw. So tonight we had a romaine and spinach salad with sesame oil and rice wine vinegar served with nut cheese (this stuff has always been popular with non-raw fooders, too!) on cabbage with broccoli, carrots, bell pepper and sprouts. So I threw the broccoli and carrots into the steamer with some added potato and voila! Combined with some garbanzo beans, Dia was like, "Bread? Bread who?" Yippee skippee!

Plus, Rory and I are chock-full of greens. Can you say "Win-win"?

And this is the video where I got my raw nut cheese (she calls it pate, I call it cheese or spread) recipe. It's still our favorite. And yes, we did buy and still use the tiffin. I highly recommend them! We love ours.

Mama's New Toy

2011-01-12T19:53:00.003-07:00

This is my new toy and I just love it! While Rory is over the moon at Apple's latest announcement (he's been holding out on renewing our contract with Verizon for over a year in anticipation of the iPhone), I jumped for joy when I saw this beauty at Whole Foods a few days ago.

I've loved my stainless steel bottle for years, but with this trusty friend there's no metal taste, no dark interior that never feels quite clean enough and no dents. Though, obviously, I'm a little nervous about shattered glass...So far so good!

Plus, and here's the real stinger, it's dishwasher safe! Yes, this is my new toy.

Christmas Memories--Age 1

2011-01-09T10:52:00.008-07:00

We couldn't help but call this last Christmas "Dia's First Christmas." Sure, she was here with us in '09 celebrating, but this year, she could sing Happy Birthday, Jesus ("Happy, happy, happy aaaaaaaa"), open presents, give presents, and most of all, really enjoy our whole family together. It was spectacular!

As a family, Rory and I are still testing out new traditions and finding our place in the holiday season. His entire family on his mother's side (somewhere near 100 people, I think) all get together on Christmas Eve in West Covina, California. It's his family's tradition and while we had planned to celebrate with them this year (since we stayed in AZ last year), Rory decided that all the work and planning needed to get the three of us over there might dampen the whole spirit of the season. It was a tough decision--we LOVE going out there and being with all that family!

But we were thrilled with what ended up happening back here at home. Christmas Eve started off with a new tradition:

Matching Family Pj's! (It's hard to tell from the blurry camera, but we all had red Christmas greeting shirts (Dia's said, "Who needs Santa when you've got Grandma"--which Grandma loved) and black pajama pants. It was fun to get new pj's on Christmas Eve!) I stole the idea from a friend and, quick tip, don't head out to the stores a few days before Christmas looking for matching pj's, but we have fully adopted it as our own tradition and we all loved it. Even Rory got a kick out of it. It was fun--kind of felt like we had our own cool club, The Starks Family, and that Dia was not just born into our family but officially a part of something bigger than ourselves, our family. I know that's a lot to expect from pajamas, but what can I say. We had fun. :)

We then spent Christmas Eve as a family just the three of us opening up presents and eating Papa's homemade chili. It was a great time to really enjoy just being a family and we even set up the video camera to record all our merriment.

Rory and I had given each other our vacation in California last August as our Christmas present, so gave ourselves a small dollar amount with which we could use to fill each other's stocking. I totally went over the limit, but we had a lot of fun opening gifts from each other while Dia played with her first gift:

Dollhouse nursery furniture! It even came with a tiny baby. What she didn't know was that this furniture was for the dollhouse Grandma and Oma got her for Christmas that she would open up in morning. She didn't need the house, though, as you can see from the pics below. She went crazy when she opened up her "Bee be! Bee be!"

This is her saying "Cheese" ("Deeesh") for the camera

Her fascination with the dollhouse furniture (you can see the little baby doll in her hand in the pic above) kept her busy enough for Rory to open his gifts (a vanity plate for his work truck among other things) and give me a few beauties: the book The Alchemist (very new age, kind of like reading a novel version of the Dr. Bronner soap bottle, but I was still able to glean some wisdom from it and I really enjoyed it's encouragement to banish fear), a lot of great baking utensils (he tries to gift using a theme and this year it was kitchen accessories--you know the cool kitchen things you'd love to have but never take the time or money to buy for yourself?), but my most favorite gift of all, the one that brought the tears, is a photo book he made called "Mommy and Daughter." It's full of pictures of just Dia and me from her first year. If you're a mom, you know how rare it is to get shots of you with your beloveds--usually we're the ones behind the camera. So to get an entire book full of pictures of just the two of us made me feel like the luckiest mom ever.

And after we were done with our sappy, Mama/Papa gift-giving (wink, wink), we brought out the big guns:

Her first baby doll and her first bike! Killer combo, let me tell you. We both hit this one out of the park. While all her gifts were obviously from both of us, the bike was a special project Ror worked on for her while I scoured the world wide web for the perfect baby doll. It's hard to tell from the pics, but she was floored with both gifts. And that last pic of D on the bike is EXACTLY how she rides it: one-handed, leaning back as far as she can go while holding her baby with the other hand. She reminds me of John Travolta's character in Grease! No idea why, but she has this motorcycle cool approach to her life that makes me laugh.

Honestly, we could have ended right then and there and had the greatest Christmas ever. We both were shocked at how more special gift-giving was even just between the two of us. I was also convinced that no child really needs any more than two or three gifts at one time. It would have overwhelmed her and left with her little option than to feel out of sorts and act out. Which is kind of what happened the next morning...

When I picked out the "Who Needs Santa When You've Got Grandma" shirt, I wasn't joking. A huge part of my mother's love language is gift-giving. And by that I specifically mean giving Christmas gifts. She's addicted. Has been since I was very small. I've been trying to prep her all year in hopes that she would take the "less is more" attitude with her granddaughter.

For the most part it worked. She really only did buy the one "toy": the dollhouse with furniture and a doll family. BUT there were lots of other things for Dia to open like clothes, shoes (if Dia even sees the shoe section at the store she immediately shrieks "Shoes!" and wants to go right over to look closely at all of them), a purse, books and even two beautifully sentimental gifts she and my dad made. I need to post pictures of them but can't find my camera....For one, she and my dad made a bird feeder. A beautiful wood base with a nail standing up in the center to put apples or other fun bird food on that you hang from the roof or a tree. She painted it to say "Dia's Bird Feeder" and it's so special to have something that both her grandparents worked on together. I was touched. The other, well, the other was a project I had started but hadn't finished. She spent weeks finishing it for me (and Dia). I really need to post a picture to do it's justice. It's the most beautiful quilt made out of Dia's baby clothes. She even used the blood-stained blanket and towel that were the first things to hold her after she was born. It's just....beautiful. Perfect and beautiful and I cried and cried. Most of the onesies wore had cute organic-like sayings (since she only wore organic clothes the first 6 months of her life and those clothing options are rather limited) so the quilt is full of sayings like "Organic Baby," "Green is the new black," "Be friends with nature," etc. It's one of my most prized possessions and if Dia grows up feeling indifferently towards it, I'll count it a blessing and keep it forever for myself!

We did learn for next year, though, that too many presents left Dia unable to enjoy the moment, the people and even the gifts themselves. At one point I even wondered if that was the Jewish secret: eight nights, eight gifts, no temper tantrums! She never threw an actual tantrum, but for me, the day would have been just as beautiful if she spent it riding her bike and then playing with her dollhouse. There is a certain element, though, too of being the only grandchild/niece on both sides that keeps her constantly in the spotlight. While it's lots of fun, I think sometimes it might even add pressure to her little heart. We're learning and will keep you posted on how we handle these precious responsibilities of raising a daughter.

Overall we had the best Christmas of our lives, though. Family came to us this year (a major first) and so we served GF Banana-nut waffles, veggie frittatas and fresh squeezed OJ for breakfast. We had a lot of fun and are very grateful to my family for making the trek up here for Christmas morning. After naptime (Rory and Dia napped for close to 2 hours!!!), we went over to my aunt and uncle's to see my cousin in town from RISD and grandparents in town from Cali. We had a great time over there as well, but it will only get more fun for us as more of the family has little ones of their own. Dia really is the only baby, but she has great fun playing not only with all the adults, but the Jack Russell named Bella and Pekingese named Chin-Chin (who she calls "Mo" because it looks just like Oma and Opa's Pekingese named Mo).

Here are some more pics from the big day:

Not just any shoes--silver sparkly shoes that she LOVES

Leather bomber jacket--my two sisters dress her like she's their personal doll!

Her purse--complete with coin purse, of course

Oh! And they found this great bird book at Costco (it even makes all the bird noises and has numbers corresponding to each picture so that you can learn more about each bird) that they gave her with the bird feeder. She loves it--she's waving hi to the birds :)

This isn't from Christmas morning (obviously) but this is Dia's dollhouse--she loves it. We play with it at least once a day, usually she asks for it first thing when she wakes up. Thank you, Oma and Grandma!!!

And what would Christmas morning be without one big surprise present? Dia wasn't the only one shrieking that day...My mom and dad gifted my sisters with their most prized possession to date. So fun! No wonder my mom is addicted!

Living The Dream

2011-01-07T22:02:00.003-07:00

I'm beginning to get the boldness (and stable footing as a mom) to trek towards the life I dream about. I'm excited. I'm also careful. And very, very purposeful.

As Dia nears closer to the one and half year old mark (ok, that's still over two months away, but hey!), and my overly dramatic self chimes in that that means there's technically only sixteen and a half years left, I get motivated to do NOW what I want to look back on then.

It's meant changing my priorities. It's even meant changing my friends. It's meant altering my time. And slowly, yet ever so intently, loosening my control until I can find the joy in any (and every? I hope) moment.

It's not a New Year's resolution. As a family, though, we've labeled 2011 the year of "Face It." As in face reality, face the truth. When the discussion ran across my hub's health, we fist-pounded (oh to live with a boy...) and said in unison, "Gotta Face It. 2011, baby!" When it came time to evaluate how Dia spends her days, yep, we faced it. We're being bluntly honest with ourselves only in the most encouraging of ways, knowing that from the truth springs freedom and health.

Which brings us to the re-introduction of the raw foods lifestyle. Yep. We're baaaaack! The raw foods lifestyle is not necessarily for everyone, though the health benefits (when done correctly, of course) are hard to deny. As former raw fooders, we found ourselves often exulting the high energy, stellar health and overall better quality of life that we experienced as raw fooders. The question inevitably came up, "So why don't you eat raw now?"

"Uh...well, we....um, can I get you something else to drink?" Total brainlessness. Why don't we eat raw now?

You guessed it. Time to Face It. (You can imagine the pounding of fists, I'm sure.)

So as of last Monday, Rory and I are back on the wagon again. The last few days were a little rough (going from a relatively healthy eating habit to strictly raw fruits, vegetables, nuts and oils can really do a number on your digestion, mood and energy). We mutually agreed that neither of us could really expect anything from the other while we went through our detox--some nights we were in bed by 8pm, some days we fought headache, only today did we clean house and finally have enough energy for some outdoor fun.

But we both admit, we're feeling pretty good!

We have put in place a few stipulations (if you are a strict raw fooder, you will soon find heretical type, so be forewarned):

1. We will eat fish (cooked) once weekly.
2. We will eat red meat (cooked) once weekly.
3. Dia will eat whatever she wants. That is to say, we aren't altering her diet or "veganizing" her in any way. She still eats chicken, rice, rice pasta, goat's milk yogurt, etc. (She's still overcoming her food allergies/sensitivities so we already avoid wheat, corn and other foods.)
4. As a nursing mom, I'll be trying to eat an avocado, coconut (water and meat) and drinking a cup of Mother's Milk tea a day.
5. I'll continue (but with more motivation) to get a regular B-12 injection for an extra boost for both my health and Dia's.

So a couple of clarifications: I'm obviously not vegan out of concern for animal welfare. It would seem to me that a tree is just as alive as any animal and I do believe that God created plants and later meat for our food. I do believe that meat contains necessary nutrients, however, I believe it should be consumed in very small quantities (i.e., once a week). I also talked with my and Dia's doctor (a naturopath) about this and got her full approval, though, I'm sure at first she had a litany of protests on her tongue (my stipulations and careful forethought, I think, convinced her I wasn't a total joke).

And so far, I think I'm actually getting better nutrients and even better quality calories than before as an organic, gluten-free, sugar-free omnivore. For example, many a day did I decide on a rice four tortilla with goat's milk cheddar cheese as a valid lunch, whereas today I had an apple with peanut butter (not technically raw, but we were out of almonds) and a plethora of carrots, celery, tomato and avocado with a cashew-based (high protein) dill dipping sauce. (I also graze a lot more on this diet and basically finished my breakfast up until it was time to make lunch.)

And while this raw foods re-conversion and the year of Facing It are important, this post is really about finding the boldness to live the life I want--for both my and me. Not only is there no excuse, but there's really no reason not to!

Dia and I have had some pretty stellar days just at home the two of us. I mean stellar, stellar. As in wowsa. Super uber wow--ok, you get the point. I don't have any awesome pics of amazing field trips or really even many social activities at all. I've been letting me be Dia's friend. I've been allowing me in the events of daily life to be her model. I've been finding the joy in reading the same book four times (or more), riding our bikes (so need to post about Christmas!!!), making stuff together and letting the big event be grocery shopping--I'm one of those moms that doesn't like shopping WITHOUT Dia. I guess you could say I've been simplifying. And I just love it. And by intentionally simplifying, I'm eliminating the stress that stole the joy from the simple in the first place. Does that make sense?

Basically I'm finding the freedom and courage to make our days just I want them to be. No pre-set schedule, no outside obligations. Just Ror, D and me. I can't believe I didn't do this sooner!

Maying

2011-01-03T13:01:00.002-07:00

We are still maying over here at the Starks' house, friends. Actually, we may everywhere. We may ("pray") in the car, at the park, on walks, at Oma's house, at Grandma's house. Really, whenever the urge strikes. We have even been known to may several times during one meal.

And I can't believe how little I actually prayed before. I have a regular-ish routine of devotion time (prayer journaling and Bible reading), but I have been shocked how rarely I really talk to the Lord as the day builds. And her sweet, innocent requests to may throughout the day (at seeingly random times), has quieted and encouraged my heart so much. We pray about almost everything these days and it is wonderful. Quick and heartfelt, our maying has been a sweet time of talking to our Papa.

Now most of my prayers begin with thanking the Lord for Dia--something I do often, but now I am extra grateful for her encouragement to may at all times without ceasing (ok, except when we watch Babies--we have yet to stop to may during her favorite movie). :) And yes, when I had a headache and was discouraged by the piling housework and Dia (in the middle of a kitchen floor covered in plastic forks and spoons and paper bowls and napkins), looked up with the squinting and said, "May?" I cried.

Through tears, "Yes, Dia. Yes! Let's may! Dear, Lord, thank you for my sweet Dia...."

BABIES

2010-12-30T22:05:00.003-07:00

Babies. Do you know them?

Not just any babies, of course. The four stars of the nearly 2 hour documentary called "Babies:" Ponijao, Bayar, Mari and Hattie. We watch them all the time (it streams on Netflix).

ALL THE TIME.

At first it was just a little fun spying in on the lives of other ones--I mean, we even do that in stores! Dia gets so excited every time she even sees a stroller and shouts, "Bebe! Bebe!"

But now, she will sit through the entire nearly 2 hours of the movie. Actually, she stands. She stands at the coffee table (where my laptop sits) and watches, laughs, scrunches her face and calls, "Mama!" (at the interesting stuff) and "Maow!" (at the cats--the universal pet apparently). For nearly 2 hours! (Such an amazing attention span!)

For a family that doesn't "do" television, our babe sure does like documentaries. :)

Isn't it interesting the fascination we have with ourselves, though? We watch Dia's face scan every shot of that film, looking at toys, animals (sometimes an animal will be just out of shot so that she can only see a tail and she'll try to lift up the laptop or turn it to the side to try and see the puppy!), mamas and papas. She absolutely loves it. At Grandma's house she's seen cartoons like Clifford and even live action shows like Yabba Gabba (I think that's the name) and watched it for a few minutes or so. But never, ever has she been so infatuated with someting on a screen. She even asks for it by name: "Mama," (pointing to the laptop), "Babies?" If I smile and nod, she runs over clapping her hands and then holds her hands up as if to say "Where are they?" until the opening credits start. And from then on, she is glued.

To be honest, it all started with watching herself on Youtube. I post all of our videos there for our own record keeping and every once in a while we'll watch through them, all the time she's signing and saying, "More!" Well, one keyword search of "babies" on youtube and the rest is history!

Thankfully, it's made for some great teachable moments--"Oh, no! Did you see him hit Ponijao/Bayar? Ouchie. He/she's crying now. Oh no, that's so sad. Hitting makes us cry, doesn't it, Dia?"

Who knows? Maybe she'll be a filmaker like her Auntie Jess or Uncle Randy! Until then, babies, we're watching (and learning from) you!

The Family Who Mays Together...

2010-12-29T13:14:00.003-07:00

We typically pray before meals as a family. I'm a little less routine in praying when it's just Dia and me, but still, typically, we say grace. We hold hands (just Rory and me--Dia likes her hands free to eat while we pray) and Rory usually says, "Let's pray." Then, we pray. Nothing big, but we both close our eyes, bow our heads and talk with the Lord, usually with much thanksgiving. We haven't really incorporated Dia, knowing that she will join when she's ready--that's to say, we have never "taught" her to pray or forced it in any way.

Well, the other night, I guess I was a little hungrier than usual and started picking at my plate before Rory had sat down. More noticably, before we had prayed.

Dia seemed agitated and kept squinting her eyes with much emphasis saying, "May! May!" Rory and I looked to each other--what is "May"? Why is she squinting?

She was asking us to pray.

May, my friends. May. In all circumstances, for all reasons, just may. :)

Confession

2010-12-22T22:25:00.003-07:00

I DON"T KNOW HOW TO BE A MOM!

Arghrghrghrgrhg. I watched my mother imperfectly perfectly raise us, so I don't feel like I have many excuses for my ignorance. But I am a different woman than my mom. Dia is a different daughter than I was.

And plus, there's all this stuff that I just DON"T KNOW.

Do you know that my daughter pats the floor next to where she's sitting and grins up at me, saying "Mama!" She's asking me to sit with her and play. Read. Eat. You know, be together.

And do you know that sometimes I say no?!

Don't get me wrong; c'est la vie. BUT I often say no to her and yes to the....dishes?

This is my revelation, my peace to find. When I say only yes to her, then the guilt sets in as she sits in dirt on the floor...vacuum? Play?

Ah, this is not the land of all or nothing. This is life...balance. And more than anything I want to give Dia life. The skills to keep house. The skills to imagine everything. A heart that is heard, loved, valued and secure. In my love, papa's love and Papa's love.

And so I turn back to my Mama...and know the answer lies in starting on my knees, confessing it all and seeking More.

Lord, You know. And You know. And so, You know. Thank You for knowing. Amen.

Friday Night Flights

2010-12-17T20:21:00.003-07:00

So I meant to post this LAST Friday night. I was so excited with it that I jumped on right then and there to post this great video when I decided to catch up on blogging in general. But as you can see, I only got a few posts up that night. So, without further adieu, this is what Papa thought up for us to do last Friday night:

Introducing....

2010-12-17T19:44:00.003-07:00

...the photography of India June Starks!

She took each of these photos all by herself (as I prayed she didn't she break my camera!). Rory and I are considerably impressed. We see definite talent (in everything she does). :) (The last one looks like a close-up of dog fur, just fyi.)

On Black Friday

2010-12-10T22:28:00.002-07:00

We made animal noises....(Puffer fish and elephant hands down are my favorite.)

Oh November....Where did you go?

2010-12-10T19:00:00.006-07:00

If I could post just ten minutes of my life with Dia you would instantly understand why my blogging has slacked. (Well, maybe all moms just intuitively know how much more fun it is to live life than blog it.) And by the time she has gone to bed, Rory and I are so desperate to catch up on OUR lives that the computer has been getting a little dusty.

But Ror and Dia are off "making" stuff (I'll post the video last to be chronoligically accurate) so I let the house sit uncleaned to blog.

I have some great pictures from November to catch you up on our fun month:

Ok, so it may not be Christmas morning, but Thanksgiving morning is special, too, right? Plus, she's just so cute in footed pjs!

We had great plans for Black Friday (none of which were shopping!) but I was feeling a little under the weather, so we settled for burgers and fries and then a movie date (just Ror and me). Oh, and talking on our Blackberry.

Auntie Jess is a little like the Papparazzi when it comes to Dia and got some fun shots while she babysat while we went to the movies

Dia-sized St. Nicholas (we are avoiding the Santa Clause name and opting for the more historically-accurate gift-giver while we still have the choice!) at Costco

Dia watching ball-ball (football)--it's her biggest obsession. She laughs when they drop the ball, claps her hands and just stares at all the players. If we go somewhere and she spies it on the tv, she immediately points and runs over shouting "Ball-ball!" It's pretty fun (funny, too!).

Looking up NFL.com with Papa

Decorating the tree...someone got to stand on the coffee table

Could there be a better tree-topper?!

Ornament-hanging with Mama

I am constantly amazed at the mothering instinct in my daughter. She has even pulled off all the ornaments within reach to hug, kiss and put to bed (i.e., laying them down and saying "Shhh"). Here she's sharing yogurt with dollie. :)

Ok, so at the mall a while back, Dia became obsessed with the escalators. "Up, up!" she would exlaim and point over and over until Rory finally held her going up on one. Well, that just fed the addiction! We both took her up and up multiple times. By the second time, she stood on it on her own and started walking up all by herself! (No fear, I tell you.) By the time we left, she was riding it like an amusement ride. :) I love these little joys in life.

In other news, through a series of painful events we discovered Dia has some food allergies, namely wheat, corn and egg (she also tested positive for strawberries, bananas, nectarines, pears and her most favorite food of all, watermelon, but these we can start introducing back into her diet soon). Apparently, according to our naturopaths, diaper rash is not normal. Ever. Anytime urine comes into contact with skin causing it to turn red can mean allergies. So with our already dairy and sugar-free diet, I have had an interesting (read: tear-filled) time finding filling food. Thankfully Rory has taken on the role of Soup Maker Extraordinaire and for the past two Sundays has made a nutritious Dia-safe soup that we can pull out for meals and snacks during the week. I have also become a blog-reading feign trying to find yummy stuff for our Bug. Two blogs I have been relying on for inspiration and recipes are: Spunky Coconut and Sketch-free Vegan Eating. I am so grateful for the two years we spent as raw vegans--Dia loves raw, nut-based cheesecake. It has really helped me with healthy snacks like flax crackers and alternative grains like quinoa and amarinth. Mostly I am just so grateful to still be nursing so I know she is getting lots of nutrients still from that.

We have been laying low, enjoying the weather and our little family. I had been searching endlessly for a meaningful way to celebrate the Christmas season but turns out, having a Christ-centered husband and home makes everything meaningful! From an average Tuesday to a Sunday morning, we are finding Jesus everywhere these days and so I have enjoyed advent stories from others, but we are simply just being us and finding much meaning in it. I have never experienced such a rich Christmas!

And to end this far too long post, lest you think only mamas teach gentleness, watch this:

As we sing with Dia regularly Happy Birthday, Jesus! His big day is almost here....

Kitcher Up

2010-11-23T20:41:00.002-07:00

I hear a soft "moooooo" coming from our room as Rory puts D to sleep. They are animal sound experts these days. Nothing can soothe her like a quick, "D, what does a cat say?" Well, that and singing "Ba Ba Black Sheep." I HAVE to record these things for the blog because they are so fabulous. She sings "Ba ba ba ba" throughout the song and then nods her head for "Yes, sir, Yes, sir three bags full." She also does the hand motions for "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and then, this is hilarious, imitates the sounds while we sing the ABC's and pretends to wash her hands. That would be because I always sing the ABC's when I was my hands (which is ALL the time as a full-time mama)! It's a hygeine thing from when I used to be a server and Dia apparently really enjoys it, too! Say your ABC's, wash your hands. Why not?!

Discipline has also become a new way of life. Our sweet 13-month old turned to me in a store a few weeks back and said AND signed "NO" when I told her she couldn't run around the store. (To be fair, she did ask if she could---tee hee hee!) I was floored. The next day was spent in tears as I was certain our angel would be caught shoplifting in no time and then imprisoned by 15. Ok, so I can work on the drama on my part, but still, I was horrified! I have heard of the terrible two's, but I did not expect the indignant 13 months! I am often caught off-guard by her intelligence--she is quick. Thankfully, though, I am aware of this and after an afternoon of one time-out after another, this girl obeyed my voice at the first sound. This was fabulous. I found freedom as her mom because I didn't have to lose my cool--the choice was hers. Go into the breakables store (herb store full of teeny tiny fun colored glass tincture bottles), sit on your bottom. (I literally picked her up, took her away from the store and her friends who were out playing with us and sat her on her bottom, explaining my actions as I went. She got up, as to be expected, and I just sat her back down until she could sit there on her bottom for ten seconds. Then I'd smile and say, "Would you like to try again?" To which she would nod and grin emphatically. Seriously--13 MONTHS OLD.) Run away from mom passed the corner to which she specifically told you not, sit on your bottom. (Repeat previous scenario.) Now, a few weeks after the initial time-out, if she misbehaves I can simply turn to her and say "Sit on your bottom, Dia. Mama told you No and you didn't listen," and she will sit right down on her bottom. In fact, I've had to extend the length of the time-out to 20 seconds of solid bottom-sitting. If she gets up before 20 seconds, I start back at 1.

Now, people have given me bizzarre looks as I sit this sweet blonde baby of an angel down for a time-out. I'll admit, it looks kind of funny (read "crazy"). But she is smart. Smarter than her age and this simple action and consequence scenario has worked for us. It may even seem extreme to some parents (and non-parents alike), but I know that laying a foundation of boundaries with someone as fun-loving as my daughter will hopefully pave the way for our long-term, mutually respectful relationship.

I can't tell you how quickly I began to resent her when she misbehaved in that store that first time when she signed and told me "No." I really started to look at her differently and ask myself what happened to my baby. I started to fear what has happening to our loving relationship. After the first successful time-out, though, I ecstatically called Rory to brag about our "good listener." Setting clear boundaries for Dia (with clear consequences) completely freed me! And her! I do not have to raise my voice, lose my temper, lose control (the choice to obey is hers--it is not mine to make her obey), repeat myself or demand things of her she cannot deliver (i.e., angelic behavior at all times). It's been almost a month now, though, and I know that we will continue to have to stay one step ahead of her. (For example, the other day I was spraying her diaper off in the toilet when she got close and I could see her curiousity. She really wanted to touch the toilet but it was just too dirty for me, so I told her not to touch it. She held up her finger, thought about it, and then touched it. I smiled inside (I totally get it--sometimes you just gotta do it!) but then turned her and said, "Dia" and she sat on her bottom. Action, consequence.)

Anyway, we are growing quickly over here. She picks up new words and new signs every day (my sister always laughs outloud whenever Dia grunts and I tell her to use her words! But she knows them and they help us communicate so much). And loves loves loves people. We went to the park a few days back with a friend and Dia walked right over to a brother and sister we had never met. (They were about 3 and 4 years old.) She just sat right down in the sand with them and smiled and started playing! Only slightly hesitant, they eventually incorporated her into their play. More kids (older ones) joined eventually and at one point an older boy took her shovel. I didn't want to interfere (it seemed like as good a time as any to let her see that life isn't always fair) but even before I could if I had wanted to, my little baby poked him in the face! She scrunched up her face and let him know not to mess with her. He was easily three or four years older than her! I just that one play itself out in the sandbox.

We also have a few neighbor kids whom she adores. They also are older and ride scooters and play basketball like the awesome people they are and Dia just joins in either by watching or walking along with them or waving her hands around and clapping. This exquisite creation knows no shyness (wait til I post the video of her walking around the entire Sizzler waving and grinning at each table and at one point even pointing her finger at some guys as if to say, "Right back atcha' man!"), no fear (yes, I have a video of her bungee jumping off of her dad--you'll have to see it to get it), nothing she can't do. I just love that! It makes for some interesting disciplining (as exaplained above), but as my mom always says, "You're not raising a child. You're raising an adult. And the traits you'll love in her as an adult are the hardest as a child."

I wish I had pictures! I have them, but they are in said bedroom and my walking in could easily foil papa's get-to-sleep techniques. So this random catch-up will have to do.

As my friend closed out her blog recently,

"He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked Him" (Luke 17:16a) May we do the same."

In gratitude and peaceful contentment, Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

2010-11-21T22:27:00.005-07:00

Hi hi hi! So sorry I haven't posted in a while--I am a working on a new project that has been monopolizing my free time. It's super exciting, though. It's a four-letter project that starts with "B" and ends with...."g". If you were gonna say "y" then you do not know me at all! :) I'll post more details ASAP. Super super exciting!

Today, though, we went up north to enjoy the cold weather....

FYI everyone should own a pink parka!

Principles of Education

2010-10-23T17:16:00.004-07:00

Don't you think so, too??????

1. Children are born persons.

2. They are not born either good or bad, but with possibilities for good and for evil. (*My personal note here--this is not in reference to sin nature which we are all born with, but rather capacity to choose good or evil. Complete conformity to Christ and submission to the Holy Spirit are our only hopes! And even then, we can only say hallelujah for His grace and mercy.)

3. The principles of authority on the one hand, and of obedience on the other, are natural, necessary and fundamental; but––

4. These principles are limited by the respect due to the personality of children, which must not be encroached upon whether by the direct use of fear or love, suggestion or influence, or by undue play upon any one natural desire.

5. Therefore, we are limited to three educational instruments––the atmosphere of environment, the discipline of habit, and the presentation of living ideas. The P.N.E.U. Motto is: "Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, and a life."

6. When we say that "education is an atmosphere," we do not mean that a child should be isolated in what may be called a 'child-environment' especially adapted and prepared, but that we should take into account the educational value of his natural home atmosphere, both as regards persons and things, and should let him live freely among his proper conditions. It stultifies a child to bring down his world to the child's' level.

7. By "education is a discipline," we mean the discipline of habits, formed definitely and thoughtfully, whether habits of mind or body. Physiologists tell us of the adaptation of brain structures to habitual lines of thought, i.e., to our habits.

8. In saying that "education is a life," the need of intellectual and moral as well as of physical sustenance is implied. The mind feeds on ideas, and therefore children should have a generous curriculum.

9. We hold that the child's mind is no mere sac to hold ideas; but is rather, if the figure may be allowed, a spiritual organism, with an appetite for all knowledge. This is its proper diet, with which it is prepared to deal; and which it can digest and assimilate as the body does foodstuffs.

10.Such a doctrine as e.g. the Herbartian, that the mind is a receptacle, lays the stress of education (the preparation of knowledge in enticing morsels duly ordered) upon the teacher. Children taught on this principle are in danger of receiving much teaching with little knowledge; and the teacher's axiom is,' what a child learns matters less than how he learns it."

11. But we, believing that the normal child has powers of mind which fit him to deal with all knowledge proper to him, give him a full and generous curriculum; taking care only that all knowledge offered him is vital, that is, that facts are not presented without their informing ideas. Out of this conception comes our principle that,––

12. "Education is the Science of Relations"; that is, that a child has natural relations with a vast number of things and thoughts: so we train him upon physical exercises, nature lore, handicrafts, science and art, and upon many living books, for we know that our business is not to teach him all about anything, but to help him to make valid as many as may be of––

"Those first-born affinities
"That fit our new existence to existing things."

13. In devising a SYLLABUS for a normal child, of whatever social class, three points must be considered:

He requires much knowledge, for the mind needs sufficient food as much as does the body.
The knowledge should be various, for sameness in mental diet does not create appetite (i.e., curiosity)
Knowledge should be communicated in well-chosen language, because his attention responds naturally to what is conveyed in literary form.

14. As knowledge is not assimilated until it is reproduced, children should 'tell back' after a single reading or hearing: orshould write on some part of what they have read.

13. A single reading is insisted on, because children have naturally great power of attention; but this force is dissipated by the re-reading of passages, and also, by questioning, summarising. and the like.

Acting upon these and some other points in the behaviour of mind, we find that the educability of children is enormously greater than has hitherto been supposed, and is but little dependent on such circumstances as heredity and environment.
Nor is the accuracy of this statement limited to clever children or to children of the educated classes: thousands of children in Elementary Schools respond freely to this method, which is based on the behaviour of mind.

14. There are two guides to moral and intellectual self-management to offer to children, which we may call 'the way of the 'will' and 'the way of the reason.'

15. The way of the will: Children should be taught,

To distinguish between 'I want' and 'I will.'
That the way to will effectively is to turn our thoughts from that which we desire but do not will.
That the best way to turn our thoughts is to think of or do some quite different thing, entertaining or interesting.
That after a little rest in this way, the will returns to its work with new vigour.

18. The way of reason: We teach children, too, not to 'lean (too confidently) to their own understanding'; because the function of reason is to give logical demonstration

of mathematical truth,
of an initial idea, accepted by the will.

In the former case, reason is, practically, an infallible guide, but in the latter, it is not always a safe one; for, whether that idea be right or wrong, reason will confirm it by irrefragable proofs.

19. Therefore, children should be taught, as they become mature enough to understand such teaching, that the chief responsibility which rests on them as persons is the acceptance or rejection of ideas. To help them in this choice we give them principles of conduct, and a wide range of the knowledge fitted to them. These principles should save children from some of the loose thinking and heedless action which cause most of us to live at a lower level than we need.

20. We allow no separation to grow up between the intellectual and 'spiritual' life of children, but teach them that the Divine Spirit has constant access to their spirits, and is their Continual Helper in all the interests, duties and joys of life.

If you made it this far, congratulations! It is a lot to process. Especially in this 19th/18th century language. These are the principles of Charlotte Mason (can't believe I just linked you to wikipedia--ugh!)--a dynamic educator from the late 1800's who fought against the evils of passive education that was prevalent in schools even back then. Her work laid the foundation for much of our educational system today. But, without nourishing their spiritual life and giving education a sole purpose of making kids rich (seems anymore that college is only good to make us rich, not nourish our minds/mental capacity) her principles have been lost. I am grateful to Susan Schaeffer Macaulay for bringing this genius back into fashion.

Oh and you can read a more "modern" interpretation of these principles here.

Let's learn something new today. Simply because we can! And were created to do so.

Personally, I love this line: "the chief responsibility which rests on them (children/students) as persons is the acceptance or rejection of ideas." Have you seen TV lately? Or been to the mall? Doesn't it seem that we have lost the ability to reason, to weigh ideas and then make a choice? Do our children even know they have a choice?

Dating Dia

2010-10-21T19:50:00.011-07:00

So my sweet baby has now become the most fun, hippest girl to be around. Rory and I really really like her. As in just like to be with her, be around her, you name it. And this week, we both took the chance to date her.

Thanks to a bout with the stomach flu, Dia and I quarantined ourselves from the world so as to not infect our friends. But by Tuesday, we had to get outta the house! So we spontaneously picked up and headed down to see the ducks at the park in Scottsdale--just the two of us! I am honestly surprised at how often our time together is given over to play dates, exercise, chores, etc. Tuesday was our chance to just hang out as mom and daughter. And she blew me away. We had so much fun at lunch and walking around Old Town Scottsdale, we never even made it to the park. I love my daughter. And Tuesday was kind of like our date!

Dia strolling Old Town...mostly just window shopping :)

We met a kitty-cat in that store and Dia kept wanting to check in on it. She does not know what to think of cats up close. We don't have any so she's always taken aback when she meets one.

Trying to get a better view of the kitty

She loved the wind chimes!

And with each chime, she put her hand to her ear and said, "Huh-ow?" (That's "Hello?") She thought it was a phone ring and is adamant about answering each call! I was laughing so hard. Even at lunch when the restaurant phone would ring she would frantically look about as if to say, "Somebody get that!"

She insisted on getting her bottom directly on top of the blue square. What? Doesn't everyone do that?

Bird-chasing in the grass. Such a beautiful day!

We finished our "date" with an apple juice and muffin at Sola coffee shop. D-O-L-L. I had a blast. Seriously one of the best days ever.

And although Rory has already been on dates with D before (Mom's Night Out for me, violin lessons, etc.), he "picked her up" on Wednesday and took her to their little hot spot--Sauce, it's become a tradition--and topped it off with a trip to the toy store. He is SO that kind of dad! (Pics are slightly blurry--he only had his cell with which to take pics)

At Sauce :) (She seems so grown up!)

Following the other restaurant patrons with her eyes...and arms. She loves people.

At the toy store...checking out a doll house.

Loving on a sweet stuffed animal

Ended up taking this sweet and very loved stuffed puppy home

And of course fed it dinner :)
(That would be shredded chicken from chicken soup in case you were wondering)

Christian Music

2010-10-17T21:33:00.004-07:00

I grew up a Christian. Not necessarily "in church" per se, but knowing and hearing Jesus. It's part of my past and makes up so much of who I am.

When I was of elementary school age, my mom saw me drift towards cultural norms like pop music and MTV. And although I didn't realize it, she pulled a quick switch-a-roo and started taking me to the Christian bookstore all the time to buy tapes (can't believe those are outdated!) and cds (wait...these are too! Agh!) that spoke about real Love and a full Life. I remember being about seven or eight and dancing in my room for Jesus. Literally dancing, but also feeling the passion and movement of Light in my heart and His joyful presence. It is a sweet and very real memory that encourages me often. In my mind, I can still go to my old room and twirl around to the Christian music, pointing me back to Him.

My mom is smart. I know this.

And today when I hear some of the "old" Christian songs, I go right back to that place of vulnerability and passion that early love brings. I loved Jesus early and like a sweet marriage, old sounds and smells take me right back to that loving feeling. There is something about being young and in love!

Tonight the radio blared FFH "Lord Move or Move Me." Now this isn't old enough to be from my elementary days (those were the Kim Boyce days...even Michael W. Smith is kinda contemporary to me!), but I do remember this from my high school/college days. What was it about my pre-marriage days that had me in full surrender to Him? Constantly leaning, needing, listening, seeking. Oh yeah. That's right. "But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:34)

This makes it critical to have a husband who points us back to the Lord, don't you think? What a struggle. One I know well. But as the song says, "Lord move in a way, that I've never seen before/Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door...So Lord move, or move me." For some reason, the image that comes to mind is of me just on the other side of that mountain or locked door. And you know what that means, right? I am so close to being over or through it! I always think about how I should enjoy the struggle more (because it's that struggle that grows us, that shows us Him), so thanks to that good ol' Christian music I can clearly see that I am nearing the other side. And it won't be me getting me there. He can do it.

Somehow my heart is dancing for Him again.

The Way To A Man's Heart

2010-10-17T14:50:00.005-07:00

Someone must have told Dia that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach...

Because she insists on sliding both dog food and water bowls over to Depot on a regular basis. She then sits between his paws and tries to open his mouth and shove some in.

What can I say? She loves her puppy!

The Dia I Know and Love

2010-10-16T10:06:00.007-07:00

Can I just tell you that I laugh almost daily just watching this exquisite child? (We learned the word exquisite from Elmo and Eva Longoria on Sesame Street the other day when D had a tummy bug and wasn't feeling well. They defined it as "very beautiful" and "very special." All I could think was how fitting this is for Dia. My exquisite India!)

But I don't have to just tell you that, take a look for yourself...

Remember those flowers she used to wear? Well, she still likes them. She pulls them out and brings handfuls to me to stick in her hair and then pats her head to make sure they are all in there!

Using a gift bag as a purse--everything is a purse! She walks around the house putting it on her shoulder and putting all kinds of things in it. As Rory's sister said, it's like she has an extra girl gene!

She also now goes on walks by herself! Ok, well without a stroller. She loves walking up and down the street, waving at cars, neighbors and even front doors.

Showing Grammy the neighborhood

Pit stop

Such a cutie

Clothes optional. New birthday boots a must.

More neighborhood walking, this time wearing mommy's pearls and holding mommy's shoes (the ones I was wearing!)

"Um, is this important? I have work to do."
Getting to sit at Papa's desk

And her favorite pastime of late--swinging!

The Last Set of Pics (I'm pretty sure at least....)

2010-10-16T09:18:00.011-07:00

It might be hard to tell from the other pics, but we did do more than just eat cupcakes...

Hi everyone!
(This shot is thanks to Lukas' super tall dad, Manfred. Pretty sure he stood on a chair, though for this one... :)

We played at the table Great-Opa made with friends--cutest little animal chairs!
(Our neighbor/friend wanted to get as much use out of her Halloween costume as possible :)

We played kitchen with our friends

Conspired to open/relocate the cooler with Lukas (We love Lukas!)

Showed Lukas the dogs locked outside (possibly conspired to let them in??? Hmmm....)

Made use of a Montessori tradition where we had Dia walk around the globe one time signifying her first trip around the sun, her first year.
(Yes, that does not make sense. I realized too late that I did it incorrectly! Dia was supposed to hold the globe and walk around a candle (thus, her trip around the sun). Oh well! It was still fun and symbolic--and got a great round of applause.)

Picked out Izzes with Papa

And even said goodbye (We love Yahm!)

All in all, it ended up being great fun (for us--I hope for everyone!). I was completely out of my element, though. I have never been the mom of the birthday girl. I was surprised sometimes at how unsure I felt. I had no idea what to wear (silly, I know, but as a girl those things matter!) or even how I wanted to decorate. Really this first year as Dia's mom has been a whole new re-examining of myself. Thanks to some fabulous and honest friends, I saw that I almost cocooned myself after Dia was born, hiding my true self from the world. In reality, I was hiding from Dia.

Here's the transparent part...my maternal grandmother and I have a lot of similarities. Besides the blonde, we are both fairly strong-willed and opinionated women. Growing up, my mom struggled with her relationship with her mom (my grandma) and voiced a lot of this struggle (and hurt) with her kids and husband. It was no secret. Well, a few comparisons between me and this grandma lodged themselves in my subconcious and I think that literally on the day Dia was born, I shut my mouth and closed down my spirit out of mortal and deathly fear that I would wound my precious girl as my grandmother unwittingly had my mom. This changed everything about me. My role as my husband's helpmeet (honesty is critical--PARAMOUNT--as a helpmeet and for any hope of respect) took a 180. Seeing my daughter and instantly understanding my role and power and influence in her life, I ran for the hills! Not physically, but emotionally. You just can't know how much you love someone until you have a child. I don't care how many people say it, it's true. This love overwhelmed me with such joy and fear, though, unfortunately. So now I am learning to be me, letting me be me but praying with all my might to be transparent and loving enough so that Dia and I can overcome any obstacle and hurt together--united. I need a lot of my husband's help--his praises about me and listening ear for me together have the power to keep me on solid ground. I so love her. But how can I possibly convey this in a way she could even begin to understand? How well the Lord knows this struggle. And knowing I will inevitably hurt her, I have to make sure she knows I am on her side, no matter what. I am amazed at God's faithfulness to continue to grow me, even as I raise my daughter. I think I assumed that once Dia was born, my life stopped. Boy was I wrong! It feels more like my life has just begun. Here's to another wonder-filled year of life raising India--can't wait to see where we are at for her second birthday.

And many, many thanks to the wonderful people of our life who helped us celebrate. Seeing each one of you blessed my mommy heart and as you know, thrilled Dia. Love to you all.

And more pics...

2010-10-16T08:59:00.003-07:00

Apparently, Dia made cupcake eating (and photographing) look so fun, everyone had to join in!

Auntie Jess--my sister (the middle Cary girl)

Both of my sisters--Jess (left) and Alli (right)

Rory's youngest sister, Dia's Tante (aunt in Dutch, their mom grew up in Holland) Sheena

Rory's two sisters, Rachel (left) and Sheena

Grampy and Grammy (my parents)

Rory's dad, Opa

Rory's mom, Oma

Rory's opa, so Dia's Great-Opa

And finally, proof that every party girl eventually poops out!

Bday Pics!

2010-10-16T08:01:00.009-07:00

As the hyper-vigilant mom that I am, I of course took not one picture of our sweet girl's first birthday celebration. So I have been waiting on the generosity of family and friends to send me pics of the big day so I can record my favorite day of the year. Without further adieu...

The Cupcake Montage

Cupcakes are vegan and gluten and sugar-free! And quite delicious if I do say so myself...

She must have felt like a celebrity--flashes going off, everyone smiling and waving.

...Foreign substance makes contact with digits...

We like it!

She absolutely loved having everyone's attention and making them laugh. I tell you, not a shy bone in her body!

Still enjoying la chocolate

Laughing with her papa (he's just out of shot)

A quick pose for her public
(I can't get over how much she looks like her friend Abby here)

Discovers it's much better without the cupcake holder

Priceless face!

More smiles for her people

And further proof that she is, in fact, her father's daughter
(She was hamming this audience up--she's just getting started!)

She loved every second of this party--friends, laughter, fun and cupcakes!

Lovebugs!

And laughing bugs!

And sharing bugs

A whole family of happy bugs...

And kissing bugs!

Who also like to dance :)

Still partying hard... (I told you it was only just beginning!)

And sharing with Mom :)

Sweet 1st Birthday Kisses

My Thought of Late

2010-10-09T19:38:00.004-07:00

Lately I've been noticing how often we hear about godly people. Godly men, godly women, godly leaders, etc.

I like the term just fine, but in some sense "godly" can be ethereal and fairly open to opinion. A godly person can earn the term for being nice, "good," an involved parent, etc.

Isn't that part of the reason why Christ came down? To show us God as man? And while I would never dare claim that I fully understand Christ, He showed us the way to live as humans. His example is sacrificial, obedient, generous, etc.

So my new consideration is not "Is he/she godly," but rather, "Is he/she Christ-like?"

Gotta tell ya, some of the godly people don't make the cut. Including me. LORD HELP ME.

Yippee Skippee!

2010-10-05T16:42:00.003-07:00

Like a shopaholic the day before a new Bloomie's opens, I am one excited little girl! Tomorrow marks the opening of the fall Famer's Market at Town and Country. The main grower at this FM is McClendon's Select--the kind of family-run (though large-scale) operation where both father and son (farmers and business entrepreneurs alike) are both on-site to answer questions about growing methods and greet friendly shoppers. This is such a great market--excellent prices (hasta la vista, Whole Foods!) and beautiful produce (they supply their goodies to top valley chefs).

And just in time! The weather should be cool, breezy and very, very autumn-like.

You can read more about Bob McClendon here or check out the farm blog here.

I also blogged about this last year. You can read that here.

Guess What I Did Last Night?

2010-10-02T10:27:00.003-07:00

You won't believe what I did all night last night--I cooked breakfast. While I slept.

Yep. And it was fabulous to wake up to breakfast already ready (ready even for Rory's early morning departure).

Oatmeal in the crockpot, my friends. Yes, the crockpot. Oatmeal. Came out creamy, rich, almost buttery. Very affordable (organic steel cut oats from Trader Joe's, water and salt--though I added cinnamon and vanilla).

Perfect for the cool weather....I know it will come to Arizona one day!

Check it out: http://mothering.com/recipes/slow-cooker-oatmeal

Fakers

2010-09-30T21:46:00.002-07:00

Don't worry--we're totally faking our love for each other. Totally.

*Photo credits: my amazing and talented sister Jessica Erin (this is just a teeny tiny sample of her work)

Kisses Through the Ages

2010-09-30T21:27:00.004-07:00

The difference a few months makes:

April 2010--Right around 6 months old

September 2010--Her first birthday

WOW!

Aquarium

2010-09-30T20:44:00.003-07:00

Ok, I'll just come out and say it. Rory loves Sea World. Like loves it, loves it. My mom would practically cry every time we even brought up Sea World as a kid--she could hardly stand to think of the beautiful fish and animals caged up where they can see the ocean they belong in but can never be a part of. I know. So sad! So, we're somewhere in the middle here in the Starks' house--love the animals and learning, hate the captivity.

Hence our visit to the local aquarium. I laugh every time I say the words "local" and "aquarium" in the same sentence. We live in Arizona! No local fish culture to speak of, right? Well, turns out the Salt River and oceans in Mexico do have some pretty fascinating swimmers. We ended up having a lot of fun learning about them (we even got to touch a starfish which Dia was not impressed with one bit) and watching them swim (yes, in tanks and yes, I did voice my concern to Rory and Dia about the injustice of it all). Dia was thrilled with the stingrays and every time she put her hand on the glass, they would all clamor to lay against it (you can kind of see it in the first pic up top). She literally jumped about and banged her hands with excitement!

Some memorable pics: