Where did You go?

While Dia does love her jazz music for road trips, there are many times that nothing works. She is simply miserable in her car seat. It breaks my heart and often tempts me to break any and every speed limit to get home that much faster!

Yesterday I took extra time to feed her and change her in the car before we left to ensure that she would be comfortable for our fifteen minute ride home. I turned on the jazz, started the car and got about ten feet before she started fussing. As time went on, her fussing turned into fists of fury that stuck daggers in my mommy's heart. Her cries were getting so intense it made me wonder if her skin was pinched or there was some form of physical harm befalling her in the backseat where I couldn't reach her. We have a giant panda mirror that attaches to the backseat and reflects her face back to me in the rear view mirror so not only am I hearing the cries for help, but I am visibly witnessing her distress. I looked and looked yesterday and even reached my hand back to feel around and make sure she wasn't in any physical harm.

By the time we pulled into the garage, I just threw my keys over to the other seat and ran to my baby. The minute I sat in the next to her (before I could even unbuckle her), she completely calmed down. It was instantaneous. As my mom says, "She's like any baby. She just wants to see her mommy's face and be held."

And all I can think is how similar I am in my relationship with the Lord. Sure, sure I can hear Him. "Don't worry, child. I am here. I have shown you that I am by your side. Why do you cry?" But I don't care. I cry and cry all the more. I scream. My face bunches up and turns red. I feel terror and uncertainty. And there's His voice again, "Stephanie! What is wrong my love? I am right here. You can't see Me, but I can see you. And you are just fine. You are perfectly safe. In fact, you must stay in the position you are in for your own good. I know it doesn't make sense that I have put you here, but I have. Trust Me. I am not doing this to hurt you but to bless you. It's almost over and soon you will be in My arms."

I can rarely get upset at Dia--she's just a baby. But the Bible asks me to get past the milk stage. To grow up, to mature and trust Him. Boy, watching my little Dia just shows me time and time again how baby-like I still am with my Father. I could feel sorry for my sad state, but instead I am so grateful to my Father to even use my own child to show me my immaturity.

I remember saying to my sister-in-law Sheena the other day, "If God loves us even a tenth of how much I love Dia (and we all know He loves us a million times more), then we have nothing to worry about." I am realizing how much I focus my relationship with the Lord on me and not Him. I dwell and cry over my sin (not that this is necessarily wrong) and worry and worry over how I did this or didn't do that. And then I look at Dia. Could she ever make a mistake that would break my love for her? Of course not! She doesn't really make mistakes yet, but imagining her doing unwise things only makes me sad for her--not me. I guess what I am trying to say, is that for me, my relationship with the Lord could use a lot more resting and trusting in Him and a lot less crying and fussing over me.

Thank You, Lord, for love. For the little glimpses we get of Yours in big ways. Thank you, again, for Dia.

Lovebug

I really should be boycotting Blogger. I am somewhere between broken-hearted and seething. I had been working all week on a post updating all of D's new achievements and fun little quirks when Firefox shut down on me and lost it all! Don't you just hate that?! I do.

(One time when I was in high school, I had to write the history of Egypt or something equally extraordinary--gotta love homeschooling!--when my sister somehow exited Word without saving my work. I think I was somewhere around page 12 or so! Talk about frustrating. But it turned out to be a blessing in disguise because the paper came out a lot better the second time around. Hopefully the same will be said of my Dia post!)

So I'll just post a few of the wonderful things that you simply must know about our little D:

1. She has found her Daddy. It happened about a week or two ago. Sure, sure, she knew his voice the moment she was born and they are the best of buddies (especially nap buddies--she'll sleep for hours on his chest!). But only recently has she started really seeing him and taking him in. We were sitting at the table one evening while he was holding her and all of a sudden, she turned her head up to look at him and just stared. She just stared and stared and stared. It's been our greatest joy watching her come to know this hunky, hairy Daddy who is so crazy in love with her. Here's a little video of her loving every minute of her Daddy (it's a little bit long, so forgive our first attempt at posting video!):



2. She is a jazz fan. A few weeks back, D and I were coming home from somewhere when she started getting upset. Unable to reach her (thanks a lot, safety restraints!), I tried talking, singing, everything! I finally turned on the radio and once I hit the jazz station, she completely calmed down. I looked back in the mirror and her face was completely calm listening to some throaty female vocalist (I couldn't place the song or singer at the time). I was thrilled and quite entertained! We have since tried country music, popular stuff (hip hop and techno and the like), classical, Christian and even talk radio. But no. It's only the female vocalists on KYOT that calm her. She loves it! My thanks to Diana, Aretha, Mariah and the rest. Although we do need to get a CD because the radio sure likes to play commercials at the most inopportune moments...Remember those things? CDs? What a concept!

3. She is beginning to take in her world. The sleepy infant of the past is now a bubbly observer of everything! Not even a mile-long walk in her stroller puts her to sleep anymore. Instead she's taking in every tree and house and light post that crosses her field of vision. She even caught me using my cell phone. Aunt Jessi held her and took her around Farmer's Market last week and D just watched and watched and watched all the produce and the commotion. It's amazing to think how these images she's processing now will form the foundation for so much of her life.

4. I don't know for sure how much color babies see, but she is still enthralled by black and white. So kudos to Ikea for selling us the three black and white photos that hang in our living room! We call them Dia's Pictures now because she loves to just stare at them! It's pretty cute.

5. Dia and I are officially workout buddies! If you have never heard of Stroller Stride, you need to check it out! It's amazing. My friend Christina turned me onto it and since she looks great in a bathing suit, I figure I should give it a try. :) It's one of those kick-your-butt-make-you-wanna-puke-after-the-first-day workouts, though, just to warn you. But, you get to bring your baby/toddler/stroller-aged child/ren with you! And as anyone who was at yoga with me last week knows, I do not want to drop my child off yet! (Rory actually met us at yoga and walked D for the hour and a half that I had yoga!) This is a great workout and Dia did phenomenally--I thought I might have to skip out early if she was fussy, but she loved it. We had a great time working out together!

I know there were so many many many other things, but I'll have to close it here with just a few comments on how much she is developing and growing. We went to the doctor's for her 6 week check-up and she has put on two pounds and gained two whole inches! She's almost two feet tall! And she is a wonderful, happy, beautiful little lovebug. I'll close with this little video I snuck in while she and Daddy napped one afternoon (watch her tummy rise and fall with Daddy's snores!). As you can see, we are obsessed!!