The Honor of a Legacy

I know that when home-schooling somewhat fell into my family's lap back in 1993, my parents were hopeful that I would not have the same educational and social experiences they had. Rory's parents also chose home-schooling making efforts so that their son would not repeat their own history.

Rory and I don't have that concern when it comes to educating India. As a direct result of our parents' sacrifices, prayers and hard work, we are honored to continue the legacy they began with us. We pray that our daughter builds the same friendships, finds the same community and enjoys the same educational benefits we did. While we are different parents and different people than our parents are and while India is already all her own person presenting unique situations and decisions, ultimately our goal is to give our daughter just what our parents gave us.

What an honor.

Obviously, our parents were not perfect. I know it goes without saying that our childhoods were not from the fairybooks. But our parents laid a foundation, began the process of setting us apart while we were children and it has only blessed us. It inspires me now as a mom. And getting to go the annual Arizona Families for Home Education (AFHE) Home School Convention as a home-school mom, a second generation home-schooler, thrilled me.


Call me what you will, but I love home-schoolers. I adore denim jumpers (*note: I do not wear denim jumpers, merely admire and adore). I grin from ear to ear watching moms and dads huddle over curriculum books. I make special mention to tip my imaginary hat to the little boys in suits. I do not know why, but I just love it.

I love the uniqueness of home-schoolers. I am impressed always by their ability to remain set apart from the world. In it, but not of it. Loving it, but not living it. They are a special subculture, unique to themselves and no matter how many people try to document it, analyze it or demystify it, the lifestyle of a conservative Christian home-school family deserves respect. These people don't just talk it, they walk it. And I love it!

This year, Rory and I went merely as spectators, trying to glean and soak in as much as possible while still just getting our feet wet. But we ended up being pretty inspired!

The convention is a whole world unto itself--lectures, sales booths, a graduation. And the focus of it all? Christ. Jesus! Whether they are discussing how to make lap books or select curriculum or plan your day or budget your finances, it all comes back to serving Christ, remaining sensitive to the spirit of your child and serving Jesus. I think all Christians should hang out around here each year just because it is so spiritually rich.

Take for instance a lecture we heard on how dads can support moms in home-schooling. Blew our socks off. We expected the whole "Help around the house, grade papers, be the head of the household, call the shots and pray for submission." We ended up hearing, "If you are not listening to the heart of your wife everyday, that is wife neglect." "If your wife has to do the dishes, that is wife neglect." "If you are not hugging and sharing physical, non-sexual intimacy with your wife everyday, that is wife neglect." Huh? Well, sign me up for this lecture any day! He challenged husbands to put family before work (shared his own story as a top lawyer and how cutting back his office hours only blessed his efforts), called them to never expect submission but love as Christ even if she doesn't deserve it. He even, wait for it, called each husband to "shoot their TV" as Little Bear Wheeler used to. Some men raised their hands and voices at this--"What about sports? News?" He asked them how much their wife has sacrificed to home-school their children and told them television would be a drop in the bucket compared to what she has given up for the better of their family.

Oh yeah, preach it, baby!

Ok, so we got pretty inspired...

And that wasn't even the educational or directly spiritual lectures. Am I absolutely boring you with my gross enthusiasm?

Sorry. I can't help it!

We heard time and time again that education is discipleship and that discipleship is a scriptural charge to parents. That any establishment that teaches or advocates life without God is discipling in atheism. Scary, huh? But true.

When it came to educational philosophy, I was especially excited to find these women who were absolutely speaking my language. Educational philosophies are fairly scientific but intensely personal and you have to find what works for you. Charlotte Mason and the KONOS method are two symbiotic philosophies that have already given me direction with Dia.

And it's direction to simply let. her. play. Let her be young, be a child. And these women even had the scientific studies to prove its benefits--this is so helpful when you are making your own way with your own child! Not only do early reading and early preschool offer no educational benefits or "boosts", but it can actually harm them. While I am in no way, an "unschooler" (yes, this is a real term), I am completely of the mind that forcing education upon a young mind can only hurt both parent and child.

They shared the story of their daughter/sister who did not read until eight years old. Eight. I imagine that in formal educational training, this poor soul would have been allotted to the special needs group and never given much opportunity to learn. Clearly a bright child, she just wasn't ready until she was ready.

She's now a successful engineer. Extremely well-read and well-educated, she was given the chance to learn at her own pace and it ignited her academics. I want this for my children. Home-school is a unique venue to that end.

I could write pages (have already written pages...sorry!) about how this convention encouraged, inspired and united us. I am just so grateful for all the parents who forged ahead when it was even illegal to educate your own children. All those parents who kept on with it even when outside family members and friends frowned on and questioned them. I am so grateful for the parents who did what they knew was right even when no one else did. I am so grateful for my parents and my in-laws. They began the legacy and here we go following after them.

And being Gratitude Monday, let me continue my count...

91. My parents. Home-schooling lets you see all the ridiculous imperfections in both your parents and children--we came out loving each other all the more for them!
92. My in-laws. Dia and baby #2 will be richly blessed for the choices you made.
93. Celebrating the little things that really are big things when you're a papa and mama (and a husband who doesn't mind getting emotional with you over it).

94. The work of the Holy Spirit who gently leads you to an inconspicuous lunch spot only to be inspired to make a whole change.
95. My husband--the papa who does everything FUN. (He sent me this picture while I was at Starbucks writing this...balloons and static electricity, I'm thinking...)


96. Unexpected faithfulness.
97. Enjoying my daughter's proud selection of clothing (She always enthusiastically nods her head and says, "ASKX?" when making sure it's okay...)

98. The grace of being able to go outdoors at least for a little each day first thing in the morning. Fresh air is good.
99. A small fridge and the way it helps me keep budget.
100. Knowing you're not alone.

When Mothering Is Your Profession

Can I share my thought for today with you?

Some background: I have to admit that I almost instantly felt that my bond with my sisters had changed when Dia was born. It didn't weaken or wane, it just changed. Something about being a mother and nursing your daughter and worrying about nap times and diaper changes kind of pulled me out of the clothes-conscious, no-time-constraint life that singleness brings. I think it's a normal part of being the oldest child. You do things first and often go a while without empathy or understanding from your younger siblings.

I sought out other young moms like me, though, and found that spending time with like-minded and like-living people helped me feel "normal" again. No one even gave you a second glance if you had banana on your clothes and hadn't showered for a few days. We all exchanged stories about sleep deprivation and our hopes and fears for our little ones.

But every now and then I have step out of my circle and enter the real world. Like today, for instance. Today Dia and I went to visit my aunt and uncle. They own a production company downtown (I used to love being an extra as a kid for their various projects!) and we had planned on grabbing lunch together. They are one of the most fun couples I know and really some of the only extended family I have in town that I am close with.

Hanging around their production studio after lunch, though, I found myself in a room of creative professionals. And realized...they are all my age (give or take five years). I even asked my aunt who the young guy was and she said, "An intern." He looked so young to me! And here I thought I was still closer to the intern age than the professional age. I guess a part of me has always held on to that security blanket of choosing the "modern women's route," but I always thought I had time to make that decision still. You know, when I am older. But seeing all of them in that room really impacted me: to get ahead later, you have to be working now.

And what's more, as Dia played with various objects around the room and delighted the crowd I overheard some of these young professionals dissect my lifestyle.

"Think you'll have kids?"
"What and clean poop up?"
Laughing and chuckling.
"I don't know...dogs are a lot easier."
"No, you have to clean their poop, too."
"And even wipe their *bottoms* (my word choice there)!"
"I can't imagine having kids."
"She's so cute, though!"
"What's her name again," this one was direct my way and I told them her name.
"Oh! So sweet."
More laughter.
"I can't ever see myself with kids."

Admittedly, they were a funny bunch! But it was the first time that I really saw the line in the sand so to speak. The professional world on one side, being Dia's mommy and the life of a stay at home mom on the other.

I want to stop here and make crystal clear that there was not one moment of hesitation for me regarding which side of that line I stand on: I am a stay at home and proud of it! It's only the reality of my choice that hit me today...and the reality that I am choosing where to spend this critical time of my life. While I am not getting any younger as far as my professional career goes (I worked as a freelance writer among other things before having Dia), neither are they. I can't imagine putting off the joy of motherhood for a life inside an office (not that that's what they're doing, they have fabulous jobs and are extremely talented, but to me, that's what I would have felt like).

Life is a funny thing and, as you may have noticed, there is no instruction manual. Even the Bible won't spell out every choice you should make. Stephanie 1:3 "And thou shalt become a mother and devote every last breath to the joy and edification of your family." Ha! But it is clear that He will speak to you and tell you which way to turn, whether to the left or to the right. I have heard and I know I have obeyed. And it has led me right to my heart: to Dia and our family.

And now I know it's a choice I am glad I am making...even though I am older than the intern.

Gratitude Monday

My husband and I are finding that attitude really IS everything. Last night we went out on a date and halfway through our time alone together laughed at how we had gone from feeling like potential cheapskates to then feeling surprisingly hip and confident to then feeling unsure and a little nerdy to finally to feeling like the luckiest couple in town in a matter of, oh, say an hour. Obviously nothing literally changed in our life (same income, same family/relationship status, same clothes on our backs, etc.), but the way we felt about those things, well, that can be like rollerblading on gravel--quite a bit bumpy and too often unpredictable.

As you know from reading my emotions off of my sleeve (aka this blog), life isn't always sunny and maintaining a Christ-centered and Christ-like marriage brings surprising challenges. Last week on Valentine's Day Rory brought me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. Apparently he happened upon a florist with a master's degree in floral arrangement (ahem, one of 80 such degreed floral connoisseurs in the world). Rory asked for an arrangement of sunflowers and roses (totally nailed it, by the way). And this is what the professional created:




It's striking and has not only survived more than seven days in stale water and a sunshine-starved living room, but the green and brown branches have actually blossomed.


That's never happened before. Most of our flowers linger on for a week or so (especially if I am faithful to rinse them, put fresh water in the vase and clip the stems). This time we simply sat back and admired it, hoping to enjoy it for what it was worth. And then it bloomed. New life just growing afresh right there on our dining room table. We regularly stop to watch the miracle.

We're learning to stop regularly and see His miracles in us, too. And hope for many, many more blossoms in our life together.

I have heard that gratitude is part of the Lord's plan for opening our eyes to His miracles...which is why I want to start counting His blessings in my life. Every Monday a blogger whom I don't know but love turns her manic Monday into a Multitude Monday and her example has struck a chord of inspiration with me. She's counting her way up to and beyond 1,000 gifts. Here I go with my first few:

1. Grace
2. The beauty of new life, even if it is just on a branch in a vase on my dining table
3. Relationships that grow and change and sometimes just barely hold on
4. Astounding beauty that you can only see looking into your child's eyes
5. Bonding time--all the time when you have the right attitude
6. A husband who can turn a trip to pick up take-out into a father-daughter bonding experience while Mama enjoys the quiet
7. Quiet
8. "Mi-mi" as Dia calls all music, singing or any other remotely melodious sounds
9. A sister who calls to see if she can just stop by (YES! A thousand times Yes!)
10. Our first real owie complete with "nan-aid" (bandaid)
11. The privilege of showing the world to a three-foot tall blonde beauty who replies "Yeaaahhh...." to everything you show her (AGH! I die.)
12. Date nights
13. Watching your husband fall in love with someone else and feeling nothing but pure joy...
14. Provision: yes, food, water, clothing, shoes, transportation and a roof over our heads. If it weren't for these I wouldn't know where to start.
15. A God who loves by forgiving and saves before I even know to ask
16. A family unit
17. Examples before me who lead me to Him
18. A perfect accomplice in surprising my husband: my accomplished sister
19. His Word
20. That fabulous groundhog--my apologies to the Northerners but I love a long winter in the southwest
21. Learning that most everything makes an excellent toy
22. Being Mama