The Honor of a Legacy

I know that when home-schooling somewhat fell into my family's lap back in 1993, my parents were hopeful that I would not have the same educational and social experiences they had. Rory's parents also chose home-schooling making efforts so that their son would not repeat their own history.

Rory and I don't have that concern when it comes to educating India. As a direct result of our parents' sacrifices, prayers and hard work, we are honored to continue the legacy they began with us. We pray that our daughter builds the same friendships, finds the same community and enjoys the same educational benefits we did. While we are different parents and different people than our parents are and while India is already all her own person presenting unique situations and decisions, ultimately our goal is to give our daughter just what our parents gave us.

What an honor.

Obviously, our parents were not perfect. I know it goes without saying that our childhoods were not from the fairybooks. But our parents laid a foundation, began the process of setting us apart while we were children and it has only blessed us. It inspires me now as a mom. And getting to go the annual Arizona Families for Home Education (AFHE) Home School Convention as a home-school mom, a second generation home-schooler, thrilled me.


Call me what you will, but I love home-schoolers. I adore denim jumpers (*note: I do not wear denim jumpers, merely admire and adore). I grin from ear to ear watching moms and dads huddle over curriculum books. I make special mention to tip my imaginary hat to the little boys in suits. I do not know why, but I just love it.

I love the uniqueness of home-schoolers. I am impressed always by their ability to remain set apart from the world. In it, but not of it. Loving it, but not living it. They are a special subculture, unique to themselves and no matter how many people try to document it, analyze it or demystify it, the lifestyle of a conservative Christian home-school family deserves respect. These people don't just talk it, they walk it. And I love it!

This year, Rory and I went merely as spectators, trying to glean and soak in as much as possible while still just getting our feet wet. But we ended up being pretty inspired!

The convention is a whole world unto itself--lectures, sales booths, a graduation. And the focus of it all? Christ. Jesus! Whether they are discussing how to make lap books or select curriculum or plan your day or budget your finances, it all comes back to serving Christ, remaining sensitive to the spirit of your child and serving Jesus. I think all Christians should hang out around here each year just because it is so spiritually rich.

Take for instance a lecture we heard on how dads can support moms in home-schooling. Blew our socks off. We expected the whole "Help around the house, grade papers, be the head of the household, call the shots and pray for submission." We ended up hearing, "If you are not listening to the heart of your wife everyday, that is wife neglect." "If your wife has to do the dishes, that is wife neglect." "If you are not hugging and sharing physical, non-sexual intimacy with your wife everyday, that is wife neglect." Huh? Well, sign me up for this lecture any day! He challenged husbands to put family before work (shared his own story as a top lawyer and how cutting back his office hours only blessed his efforts), called them to never expect submission but love as Christ even if she doesn't deserve it. He even, wait for it, called each husband to "shoot their TV" as Little Bear Wheeler used to. Some men raised their hands and voices at this--"What about sports? News?" He asked them how much their wife has sacrificed to home-school their children and told them television would be a drop in the bucket compared to what she has given up for the better of their family.

Oh yeah, preach it, baby!

Ok, so we got pretty inspired...

And that wasn't even the educational or directly spiritual lectures. Am I absolutely boring you with my gross enthusiasm?

Sorry. I can't help it!

We heard time and time again that education is discipleship and that discipleship is a scriptural charge to parents. That any establishment that teaches or advocates life without God is discipling in atheism. Scary, huh? But true.

When it came to educational philosophy, I was especially excited to find these women who were absolutely speaking my language. Educational philosophies are fairly scientific but intensely personal and you have to find what works for you. Charlotte Mason and the KONOS method are two symbiotic philosophies that have already given me direction with Dia.

And it's direction to simply let. her. play. Let her be young, be a child. And these women even had the scientific studies to prove its benefits--this is so helpful when you are making your own way with your own child! Not only do early reading and early preschool offer no educational benefits or "boosts", but it can actually harm them. While I am in no way, an "unschooler" (yes, this is a real term), I am completely of the mind that forcing education upon a young mind can only hurt both parent and child.

They shared the story of their daughter/sister who did not read until eight years old. Eight. I imagine that in formal educational training, this poor soul would have been allotted to the special needs group and never given much opportunity to learn. Clearly a bright child, she just wasn't ready until she was ready.

She's now a successful engineer. Extremely well-read and well-educated, she was given the chance to learn at her own pace and it ignited her academics. I want this for my children. Home-school is a unique venue to that end.

I could write pages (have already written pages...sorry!) about how this convention encouraged, inspired and united us. I am just so grateful for all the parents who forged ahead when it was even illegal to educate your own children. All those parents who kept on with it even when outside family members and friends frowned on and questioned them. I am so grateful for the parents who did what they knew was right even when no one else did. I am so grateful for my parents and my in-laws. They began the legacy and here we go following after them.

And being Gratitude Monday, let me continue my count...

91. My parents. Home-schooling lets you see all the ridiculous imperfections in both your parents and children--we came out loving each other all the more for them!
92. My in-laws. Dia and baby #2 will be richly blessed for the choices you made.
93. Celebrating the little things that really are big things when you're a papa and mama (and a husband who doesn't mind getting emotional with you over it).

94. The work of the Holy Spirit who gently leads you to an inconspicuous lunch spot only to be inspired to make a whole change.
95. My husband--the papa who does everything FUN. (He sent me this picture while I was at Starbucks writing this...balloons and static electricity, I'm thinking...)


96. Unexpected faithfulness.
97. Enjoying my daughter's proud selection of clothing (She always enthusiastically nods her head and says, "ASKX?" when making sure it's okay...)

98. The grace of being able to go outdoors at least for a little each day first thing in the morning. Fresh air is good.
99. A small fridge and the way it helps me keep budget.
100. Knowing you're not alone.

Milestones and a Sadness

Let me start with our super amazing celebration--Dia now owns her very own big girl panties! For the last day or so she has been solely using her potty chair for both number 1 and 2 so we thought a trip to buy panties was in order! She really wanted the Tinkerbell ones but they weren't in her size, so we ended up with a variety of Minnie Mouse, My Little Pony and a princess pack. She saw the Thomas the Train ones on the way out and got really excited about them, but they were only made for boys. She's pretty happy, though! And yes, I almost cried. But it is just so exciting--who can be sad?



Except for the news we recieved over the weekend. If you have known us for any length of time you know we have wonderful dogs--Roxy and Depot. We often joke that Roxy is more of a lioness than a pup and somehow possesses the widsom of Aslan and one day will open her snout and just spill out wisdom and love. Unfortunately, both of our dogs also like to race. Not just run, they race. They have been known to get out and literally race each other until their paws bleed. They always, especially Rox, return home within a few hours. Roxy is a rescue and we are confident in assuming that the man who owned her before did not treat her as she deserved as she is extremely skiddish and wouldn't even approach a doorway if a man were near it for at least the first year we had her. She also refuses to be rescued from her races. Whereas Depot will happily jump in with just about anyone who whistles for him, Roxy will hightail it the other direction.


When they got out in our new neighborhood, however, we knew there was no way they could find their way home. We put up signs, ads in craigslist (both under Pets and Lost and Found) and visited the pound and humane society. Everyday we prayed. Within a few days, some wonderful teenage girls from our new neighborhood called saying they had found Depot. When they brought him home (Dia shrieked, "Depot home! Depot home!") they also told us that they saw Roxy and had tried to bring her in, too, but she barked, growled and, of course, ran away. They continued after her and watched another man try to rescue her from the street but she nearly bit him.

On Friday, we receieved a call from a local animal hospital. Apparently, Roxy had been hit by a car and did not survive. Oh, I'm crying just writing this again! Roxy was our first baby. And like I said before, she really was a special dog. She used to jump on her back paws and gently lean into you to hug you. I am so sad to think that it's her fear that finally cost her her life. I so wish she had been treated better as a pup and would have gone with the people who tried to save her! I'm learning a lot from this sweet dog...and can't really talk about it. All Dia knows is that Roxy ran away. Death seems a little over the top to try to explain. Has anyone else had experience or wisdom to share in this?

In the midst of our sorrow, though, we do have a lot to be grateful for...and it IS Gratitude Monday. So even with a heavy heart, I count...

81. The more than five wonderful years we spent with Roxy-girl. We love and miss her so much.
82. The kindness of strangers in returning our Depot! Apparently he had his first cheeseburger and trip to the drive-thru.
83. The brilliance of growth...watching a not-long-ago newborn put on panties.
84. A husband who cooks! Dinner AND raw vegan chocolate pudding, ooh la la!
85. The unparalleled wisdom and encouragement found at the home-school convention (more to come soon!)
86. Wedding shoes just right for a little girl...the joy of having so much to pass on to my daughter.



87. The over-commercialized but so fun girly pictures that make panties feel extra special.
88. John Eldridge and this book that I almost gave up on.
89. Family runs--getting to know our new 'hood while still following this too-good-to-be-hard training schedule (taken v e r y slowly out of respect for baby #2)
90. Slow days at home...don't judge me by my housework--especially today!

We're In!

As of last Saturday night, the Starks family is officially home! I can't tell you how great it is to be able to say that after two months of sojourning. More than anything, we have all three just missed the simple pleasure of being together as a family--sleeping all in the same bed, eating our meals together, etc. Dia woke up Sunday morning, lifted her head up to look left then right and exclaimed, "MY HOUSE!"

We are all so glad to be home.

There are still plenty of projects keeping us busy, not the least of which is unpacking. It's a bit slow going but we're making headway and have our kitchen fully functional. Praise the Lord! Such a joy to be in my own kitchen again. And it's fun learning the intricacies of a new place, too.

It could not be more appropriate than to continue counting my blessings from the Lord today on Gratitude Monday.

And, as you can probably imagine, this is just a sampling of the many, many things for which I have to be grateful.

67. The ease and tender rest of Dia's first nap at home (she asks to hold one of her books after we read them and falls asleep with it in her arms).

68. The beauty of everything small

69. Our first (messy) morning at home. Dia shrieked with joy, "MY TOYS!" And immediately set up camp on our bedroom floor.


70. Old things (toys) that feel both brand new and strangely comforting after months of being packed away


71. Precious morning hair and smile

72. The sheer brilliance of being close to every place we love! After seven years of living "out north" we are tickled beyond all comprehension to live in biking distance to our favorite shopping, restaurants and stores. So close that we were able to eat out our first morning at one of our favorite casual dining spots for breakfast. This is so great for us and the blessing of convenience is not wasted on us!
73. A little girl who is all her own and kept her shades on all through said breakfast.

74. Sweet and wonderful new neighbors.
75. Aunt Alli's first night as a server--at a restaurant that, you guessed it, is right down the street so that we were able to be one of her first tables. (Dia clapped her hands and yelled, "Yay, Alli!" after she greeted one of her tables, ha ha!)
76. Family that continues to give and give even after the excitement has waned and all that's left is more work.
77. A husband who provides! Who provides beyond my girlhood dreams. Thank You, Lord!
78. The excitement of all the potential that comes with a semi-fixer-upper.
79. The fun and novelty of taking swim breaks with my girl in our own pool.
80. The gift, pleasure and joy that comes from being a family.

A Little Experiment

How fun is this? Er, I mean the idea of this. Go to the grocery, buy a potato, watch as your grandmother shows you how to make it grow.

Or not.

"The EPA published findings in the report "Unfinished Business: A Comparative Assessment of Environmental Problems" that ranked pesticide residues in food as the number three cancer risk today." --The World Bank's Strategy for Reducing Poverty and Hunger: A Report to the Development Community

"Several government reports conclude that 60-90% of all types of cancer in the U.S. are related to environmental factors ranging from food preservatives and additives to toxic chemical substances." Douglas M. Costle, Former Director of the EPA

Pesticides and preservatives are so toxic. Organic isn't just a catchphrase or a catchy way to make extra money (although plenty of corporations are taking advantage of us and twisting organic to mean all kinds of things).

Did you know:

"The Delaney Amendment is found in Section 409 of the Federal Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act. It states:

No additive shall be deemed safe if it is found to induce cancer when ingested by man or animal.

Under this amendment, if an additive is deemed unsafe, it cannot be legally used. {HOWEVER,} Pesticides and agrochemicals that ARE KNOWN CARCINOGENS that were approved prior to (this) amendment continue to be used without discretion." --The World Bank's Strategy for Reducing Poverty and Hunger: A Report to the Development Community

And it's not just that these chemicals are known carcinogens (as if that wasn't bad enough), but it's also that organic food has actually been found to be more nutritious, more rich in vitamins and minerals. Considering that minerals and vitamins are derived from soil, it's really no surprise that not adding chemicals to the soil is better than adding them. But still, for some who need the science to prove it, it's here. And here. And here.

We simply can't trust our food suppliers like we used to. Unless you know them personally (ahem, farmer's markets make this possible...) or grow the food yourself, we just can't know what exactly was done to our food. If the EPA is willing to admit that 60-90% of all types of cancer comes from food preservatives and toxins, it's worth our attention.

*Emphasis in quotes are mine and they are taken from Living Cuisine: The Art and Spirit of Raw Food by Renee Loux Underkoffler

It's so hard as a family to eat what's not only healthy, but truly safe. (And no, Laffy Taffy is not organic and yes, it is full of poison! I'm so sorry, Baby!)

So...here's my little experiment and I'd like your feedback. I'm thinking of posting our family grocery budget for the month of August and letting you all see what exactly we buy, cook and eat. And how we can make eating organic not only possible, but also enjoyable.

Now, this all depends on us moving home before August (please pray!). What do you think? Would you find it helpful? We're just a family of three, but it might be helpful for all of us to share how we manage to eat healthy, safely and well.

Leave me a comment if you'd be interested.

But don't think today is just about bumming you out! Oh, no. There are still plenty of things for which to be grateful! Such as...

52. Being able to cook for my family in my childhood home. It's fun to cook for 7!
53. Watching my girl enjoy the special "play area" my parents had custom-designed in their pool for their grandkids. (It's like an oversized step that takes up a decent amount of space so that Dia can crawl and walk and wade around on her own...with my constant supervision!)
54. Watching Rory enjoy her enjoying the pool.
55. Being pregnant.
56. Being pregnant with a toddler. I feel like such a mom!
57. Finally building friendships at my new Stroller Strides class--it was actually pretty emotional for me having to leave my other class up north. But today we met friends at the library.
58. Free (and air-conditioned) story time at the library!
59. Watching my tiny but tough little 21-month old hold her own with the big kids in the mall play area. She is not rough, but she does not get pushed around, either!
60. Really enjoying reading with Dia. She is so into it it's contagious!
61. Naptime. Yes, I actually sleep every afternoon with Dia. So. Tired. Must. Rest.
62. Dia and her towers. "Mama, puh-lay! Towers!"
63. Late-night episodes of Castle with my love. We're all about Beckett and Castle.
64. Lizards that run right past the big french doors inciting gleeful shouts.
65. Hair detangler. And the picture of the "big girl" on the front which is all we need in order to be able to use it.
66. Church as a family and being able to hold my little girl while dancing and worshiping with a new one inside. What a privilege.
67. Devotions, e-devotions, devotion apps and all the ways He can encourage me even as I cook and clean and live.

So very blessed...

You Must Really Love Jesus

There are some things you just can't know about a person until you marry them. Beyond brands of toothpaste and cooking/cleaning habits, there is a lot that reveals itself bit by bit as you spend your days attached to someone else. There are also traits that continue to grow and develop and hopefully through much prayer they bring the best out of both of you.

Today is a Gratitude Monday (remember how I posted about this like once before? Well, it's still a big part of my life even though I haven't been faithful to blog about it.). All I can think about when I examine my life with a grateful heart these days is my husband. I make no pretense about having a perfect or even easy marriage. I cannot even begin to exaggerate or make something out of nothing. But when you marry a good man, well, you marry well. You marry right. And you set yourself up for a life of joy.

When I met Rory at the ripe ol' age of ten (yes, ten years old...fresh out of fourth grade!), he was many things: funny, fun, friendly, sold-out for Jesus, funny, fun, friendly, really funny, addicted to candy and amazingly caring with his sisters and mom (and soon my sisters and my mom as well). Hard-working wasn't the first phrase that came to mind, though. In fact, my parents did not approve of us getting engaged (we were such rebels!) until Rory could have more time to prove his work ethic and ability to provide for a family (they were smart and probably right, but we all admit that us getting married was one of the greatest things we've ever done).

I've also never really been the damsel in distress kind of girl, either. Back then I couldn't imagine ever needing a man to provide for me.

Fast forward eighteen years, one daughter, one baby on the way and two houses later and my husband is the poster man for studly.

I grew up with a workaholic father and think my heart grew up needing lots more love and attention than I received. Rory definitely filled that void. But as I've been so faithfully loved and cared for, I've found myself needing so much strength and hard work from Rory, too. And I can't tell you how he has delivered. I can't tell you what it does for this wife's heart and soul to so fully rest in the strong hands of the same man who cuddles me.

When we bought our new house (Talk about grateful!!! We are crazy for our new home and could honestly probably retire in it it's so perfect for us.), we also found out we were pregnant. And I'm one of those paranoid mamas who won't go near fresh paint or a construction zone due to the chemicals and toxicity levels. That left two houses to be renovated by one man.

Can I tell you that when renters come to look at our old house every single one has the same things to say, "Wow. This is the nicest house we've seen." That would be the work of studly man right there.

And can I tell you how amazing our new home is looking? It does not even resemble the structure we bought. Again, every single ounce of credit goes to the man who not only wakes up at 5 (or earlier) every morning to run his own business, but also comes home everyday to spend at least an hour or so with his "Blondies" as he likes to call Dia and me and then goes back out to work on our house. He spends his weekends there, his nights, his holidays, you name it. I could never have known when we got engaged at 21 that I would so respect a man with such amazing work ethic.

But he hasn't just worked. He also texts like crazy so I always know what's going on and just what he's thinking about. (I love getting inside his head and feeling close to every little detail!) He has taken a night or two off to take me to the movies or come home early if I'm especially morning sick (aka all-day and night sick). He regularly comes home to poopy diapers that I couldn't stomach to clean (still using cloth!), stops to pray and figure out the next discipline strategy (he listens to an amazing child-rearing CD while he drives around town) and brought me cash every day when I lost my ATM card. He calls us, takes Dia out, and generally stays intimately connected with the two girls who could not live without him. To say he's amazing is not only horribly cliche but ridiculously understated. I can't tell you how many times I've cried just because in the midst of so much stress, so much chaos, he is still so so kind. So good. So fun. So funny. He's still that delightful boy I met almost two decades ago, but now he's all grown up and so...wonderful. Strong. Such a warrior.

In the midst of this he's had some doozies at work. Some situations that could have easily knocked him down. He came home after one especially hard day and said that after a few choice events had taken place, his right-hand man turned to him and said, "Man, you must really love Jesus. I don't think I'd have handled that so well."

You must really love Jesus.

Yes, he does. I know this. I live this. If my husband is any testament to the power of anything, it's Jesus. And I love Jesus and know Him so much better just because of knowing my husband. I believe a lot of men face crowds and auditoriums and preach about godliness. My husband comes home on Wednesday at 10pm after a ten-hour work day and several more hours sanding floors and peeling laminate and hugs me. Talks with me in bed about the stresses of MY day. My simple little existence of trying not to vomit and keeping Dia alive and happy. I want nothing more than to shower him with every ounce of everything I have. He gives me so much that all I have is more to give him. And I know that's exactly what Jesus talks about and is about.

He is my stud and my hero and today I'm grateful that I got to meet him so young and grow up with him so well.

For those that have read this blog for a significant amount of time, you know how we have struggled. How many times I have been broken and hopeless for our marriage. But this, our seventh year, is confirmation and tangible proof that staying and fighting for what's right and holy IS right and holy. And so richly worth it.

Thank You, Jesus for knowing exactly what I needed and putting it in such a great package. I love my husband.

Counting my way to 1,000 gifts....

36. Four letter words: love, work, hard, stud.
37. Texting. Seriously it may be ruining traditional communication, but I love being able to send messages/pictures to my husband.
38. Family
39. Extended family who make room for us in spare bedrooms, spare couches and even the floor.
40. Helping hands of family who come even just for a day (thank you, Luke and Rachel!) or everyday (that's you, Dad!!!) or most days (Sonja, you're diehard!), and those who help in other ways, too like entertaining D.
41. Being silly and finding joy even in chaos (Dia put on Papa's boxers--I wear them to bed so she wanted to give them a try. P.S. you can somewhat pick out our current living condition from the background in the pic...a family of 3 in one bedroom!)



42. My sweet girl who always has the funnest ideas!
43. Still sleeping in our family bed....D likes to either put her arms around me to fall asleep or put a pillow over her head and no one touch her. Either way, we are tickled with her!



44. A husband who delights in food as much as I do and relishes bringing me crazy meals that sound good.
45. My baby bump. It's here earlier than with D... and we already love you, baby!
46. My big girl who points to the belly bump, grins and says, "Baby!"
47. Stroller Strides instructor Kelly who took me from knee-injured and weak to being able to drop and give her twenty in a few weeks time. Not to mention 3 inches off of my waist and legs...ok, this was pre-pregnancy. Ha ha.
48. Sisters who love my babies like I do.
49. Getting jiggy with the music man at the splash pad.



50. Our beautiful new home. I call it "Grandparents Central" because we are literally 5 minutes from my mom and 7 minutes from my in-laws. You best all better be visiting!
51. A husband who's hunkier today than the day we married

Gratitude Monday

My husband and I are finding that attitude really IS everything. Last night we went out on a date and halfway through our time alone together laughed at how we had gone from feeling like potential cheapskates to then feeling surprisingly hip and confident to then feeling unsure and a little nerdy to finally to feeling like the luckiest couple in town in a matter of, oh, say an hour. Obviously nothing literally changed in our life (same income, same family/relationship status, same clothes on our backs, etc.), but the way we felt about those things, well, that can be like rollerblading on gravel--quite a bit bumpy and too often unpredictable.

As you know from reading my emotions off of my sleeve (aka this blog), life isn't always sunny and maintaining a Christ-centered and Christ-like marriage brings surprising challenges. Last week on Valentine's Day Rory brought me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. Apparently he happened upon a florist with a master's degree in floral arrangement (ahem, one of 80 such degreed floral connoisseurs in the world). Rory asked for an arrangement of sunflowers and roses (totally nailed it, by the way). And this is what the professional created:




It's striking and has not only survived more than seven days in stale water and a sunshine-starved living room, but the green and brown branches have actually blossomed.


That's never happened before. Most of our flowers linger on for a week or so (especially if I am faithful to rinse them, put fresh water in the vase and clip the stems). This time we simply sat back and admired it, hoping to enjoy it for what it was worth. And then it bloomed. New life just growing afresh right there on our dining room table. We regularly stop to watch the miracle.

We're learning to stop regularly and see His miracles in us, too. And hope for many, many more blossoms in our life together.

I have heard that gratitude is part of the Lord's plan for opening our eyes to His miracles...which is why I want to start counting His blessings in my life. Every Monday a blogger whom I don't know but love turns her manic Monday into a Multitude Monday and her example has struck a chord of inspiration with me. She's counting her way up to and beyond 1,000 gifts. Here I go with my first few:

1. Grace
2. The beauty of new life, even if it is just on a branch in a vase on my dining table
3. Relationships that grow and change and sometimes just barely hold on
4. Astounding beauty that you can only see looking into your child's eyes
5. Bonding time--all the time when you have the right attitude
6. A husband who can turn a trip to pick up take-out into a father-daughter bonding experience while Mama enjoys the quiet
7. Quiet
8. "Mi-mi" as Dia calls all music, singing or any other remotely melodious sounds
9. A sister who calls to see if she can just stop by (YES! A thousand times Yes!)
10. Our first real owie complete with "nan-aid" (bandaid)
11. The privilege of showing the world to a three-foot tall blonde beauty who replies "Yeaaahhh...." to everything you show her (AGH! I die.)
12. Date nights
13. Watching your husband fall in love with someone else and feeling nothing but pure joy...
14. Provision: yes, food, water, clothing, shoes, transportation and a roof over our heads. If it weren't for these I wouldn't know where to start.
15. A God who loves by forgiving and saves before I even know to ask
16. A family unit
17. Examples before me who lead me to Him
18. A perfect accomplice in surprising my husband: my accomplished sister
19. His Word
20. That fabulous groundhog--my apologies to the Northerners but I love a long winter in the southwest
21. Learning that most everything makes an excellent toy
22. Being Mama