Truth...From a piece of flair?!

For those who don't know what flair is on facebook (and this is addressed primarily to my mom because every single other person I know is fully aware of facebook flair), flair is a cute, demographically-charged phrase for what I used to know as buttons. The little perfectly round buttons that clip onto backpacks and t-shirts that once served to signify support for an election candidate or something you stood for. I had one as a teenager:

"It's better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho the rest of your life."

And that pretty much summed up my fear of relationships at the time.

But I was given a new piece of flair the other day from a friend and it summed up a new life position for me:

"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says, "Aw crap. She's up."

I love the image that phrase creates. It's an image of strength and confidence. And also of battle.

I am not one to shy away from battle. It's in my nature and debate and conflict fit comfortably alongside. But I have had a hard time learning what is worth fighting for.

In the beginning it was politics. This came easy seeing as how I was raised in a conservative home-school environment where Republicans were the highest esteemed officials in the church--I mean, the world.

But as I grew older I realized I had a fatal liberal flaw; I could see both sides. Not to every issue, of course, but even abortion wasn't an easy decision to side on at first. And when I searched the issues I found that there was a lot more going on in the world than politics. There was life.

And life for majority of the world, well, life sucked. I learned about dictators in Africa and the caste system in India. Both resulted in unnecessary suffering--especially for children. I'd like to say that I wanted to help them by bringing them Christianity. But it wasn't necessarily spirituality that drove me to it. It was the urge to fight wrong deep within me. To save the helpless. To punish the evil. It was uncontrollable.

And then the Lord began a deep work within me. He began showing me where change first takes place. Initially I felt lasting change could only start from the home. And He's right. But now I realize that change can only begin within. It's me that's the problem, as I admire Donald Miller for poignantly stating in Blue Like Jazz.

But before I delve into self-loathing or my inner evil that I have been dissecting since high school, I have to share the positive side to being me. (And by that I mean the glimmer of me that was made in the image of God and is daily being perfected in Christ.) Whereas I used to shudder at my natural urge to argue and fight, my strong and defensive instinct, I have found some hope.

And it's in the unlikeliest of places, I assure you.

Proverbs 31.

Now I know that only the godliest of women in the church memorize and model their life after this chapter, but only recently was it explained to me.

The background: this chapter wasn't written for women. It was written from a mother to her son. It's her advice to him in what he should look for in a wife. Ok, interesting, but still something a good Christian wife should strive to be.

The "hidden" truth: virtuous doesn't mean what you think it means. Virtuous conjures up black and white images of an Emily Dickinson-style puritan wife who always keeps her head covered and pearls matching her heels, while joyfully preparing 5 breakfasts--one for each member of her household. This woman's husband doesn't have to die to himself; she's already done that herself for him.

The Hebrew here for virtuous is literally "warrior." An Israeli woman read the Hebrew in Proverbs 31 for virtuous wife as literally, "female soldier."

A soldier? Hmmm...I could get used to this kind of subservience.

So the question remains: what is worth fighting for? What is worth becoming a warrior, a soldier to? The truth as my instinct compels me to answer. And by truth I mean the person of Christ. And by that I mean my husband. And as he strives to love me as Christ does (and this is one dirty, messy roller coaster style of love), I turn my sword to his enemy: his flesh. For this I shall fight. I shall battle and defend.

And in my own way I hope to fight against the image Satan has conjured up of good wifery. The kind of puritan wanness that holds her thoughts to herself and God. Our husbands are to be as Christ and that means they get all of us. My thoughts are reserved for God and for that He gave me a husband to talk to. May we all pick our battles so wisely.