I DON"T KNOW HOW TO BE A MOM!Arghrghrghrgrhg. I watched my mother imperfectly perfectly raise us, so I don't feel like I have many excuses for my ignorance. But I am a different woman than my mom. Dia is a different daughter than I was.
And plus, there's all this stuff that I just DON"T KNOW.
Do you know that my daughter pats the floor next to where she's sitting and grins up at me, saying "Mama!" She's asking me to sit with her and play. Read. Eat. You know, be together.
And do you know that sometimes I say no?!
Don't get me wrong; c'est la vie. BUT I often say no to her and yes to the....dishes?
This is my revelation, my peace to find. When I say only yes to her, then the guilt sets in as she sits in dirt on the floor...vacuum? Play?
Ah, this is not the land of all or nothing. This is life...balance. And more than anything I want to give Dia life. The skills to keep house. The skills to imagine everything. A heart that is heard, loved, valued and secure. In my love, papa's love and Papa's love.
And so I turn back to my Mama...and know the answer lies in starting on my knees, confessing it all and seeking More.
Lord, You know. And You know. And so, You know. Thank You for knowing. Amen.
1 comment:
Finding balance is always difficult for me too. My mom always tells me the kids won't remember how clean our house is, but they will remember the time I spend with them. I try to keep that in my mind but some days it's hard... I just don't like clutter!
Post a Comment