I'm out!

Ever find it hard to go on? I am traditionally a quitter. Maybe not in action, but in heart. Often, my first reaction to disappointment is to walk away. I see, though, that in reality I am a fighter.

But every once in a while, I get the distinct urge to hang up. To give up. To walk away. To wash my hands and start over. Today I received some information about the business Rory and I started. As soon as I got the info, I felt my heart hang up. I turned the water on and soaped up ready to wash myself of the whole thing. To be honest, this we may have hit our first bump.

So I am out!

But recognizing this tendency has been my greatest strength. Instead of making any decision (thanks in part to my strong husband), I contacted my two greatest prayer warrioring friends and beseeched them to beseech Him on my behalf. Immediately I received a barrage of truth:

"It's a stumbling block. The enemy is trying to discourage you. Tell him NO! "
"Don't be discouraged. This is a test!"

So I picked that receiver back up and turned off the water. I haven't dropped the phone in its cradle yet or left the bathroom (if you are by chance still following my mixed metaphors of hanging up and washing my hands, i.e., quitting), but I am turning my gaze to truth.

Watching Rob Bell's Everything is Spiritual dvd earlier today now seems like perfect battle gear for an afternoon I never could have seen coming. A lot of this dvd was (for me) about a paradigm shift (a favorite phrase of my husband and father-in-law). And that's what Jesus is. He is so much more than our understanding of religion or rules.

Like Rob Bell said, it's like trying to make a rectangle into a circle. Impossible! Unless you look at a marker. From it's length-side view, it is a rectangle. Face the cap towards you, and it's a circle. Hmm...it's like saying "Thou shalt do no work on the Sabbath." And then obeying by cutting/eating wheat on a Saturday. The religious folks were livid! They had their proof. They had their facts. As a black and white kind of debater, I can't deny that the religious-ites were correct. And yet they were wrong.

I don't want to be wrong when He returns. I know He's coming and I know He will blow our minds much like He did the first time He was here. I don't want to be so stuck in the rules and the facts that I miss the activity and experience of His spirit.

So I will be continuing on with my day and weekend as planned. I will see this experience for what it is: spiritual. And knowing that all things work to the good of those who love God, I will go forward in the graceful expectation of some very good things--hopefully maybe even things that I wouldn't have recognized as good at first.