This is a tough one to write

Marriage blows me away.

I was raised by one of the wisest women of all time. Looking back, I am amazed at how well she prepared my sisters and I for life. And so much of that was done through her dire honesty. We were not allowed to be afraid and we were not allowed to be fooled--not fooled by the world, not fooled by our flesh and not fooled by our own ignorance.

I remember her very honestly telling us all we could ever want (or not want) to know about drugs, sex and marriage. She told us how great drugs made you feel--at first. But she also told us how it was impossible to just play around with drugs. How if you just wanted to try it, it would rope you in until like her high school friend, you would find yourself selling your daughter for another high. (Turns out this story was a lie, btw. Her friend never did this. But she was honest in everything else we had not reason to question this!) I know personally that I was never even tempted to get high growing up. I didn't feel like it had anything to offer. My mom told us all about it and the end didn't sound too good.

In a similar way, she told us about marriage. Not one of us girls ever grew up waiting for a Prince Charming. There was no sense that a man would complete us. And as college graduates and well-rounded world travelers, there was nothing a man could offer us that we couldn't provide ourselves. This mentality freed me up tremendously. I can honestly say that I got married because of love and out of obedience to the Lord.

Interestingly, this did not make for a perfect marriage. But it did make for a free marriage. By this I mean that I was free to express myself and my heart. And this caused many, many "problems."

Anyone who says that marriage is "wonderful," "a dream come true," "everything I wanted," is either lying or delusional.

That sounds pretty harsh, doesn't it?

But not if you're going by the Bible. What about our relationship with Jesus is a fairytale? Ok, sure the premise is romantic enough. But I am talking about the day to day dying to self.

Killing the flesh is not wonderful, people! Conforming to His Will is not a dream come true! Now, the results? They are everything I could ever want. But marriage needs to be a picture of the struggle of killing self.

And like the Bible demonstrates, it can only happen when the husband lays down his life for his wife. It can't happen by the wife "submitting" and it doesn't materialize through a wife's "respect." It is born out of His (the husband's) love of for us. He (the husband) must love us (the wife) first!

Any other use of marriage is a mis-use of Scripture and a mockery of the gospel of Christ.

Who loved us first? Who died for us first? Who offers understanding and rest for the weary?

Jesus, Jesus and Jesus. He is the only one. And that is the standard to which a husband is called. By the Bible's very own admonition.

My freedom in our marriage forced Rory to reckon with this early on. It brought about a whole lot of junk and I truly doubted that we would "make it." But through his honest and very real struggle, he has begun in small ways, and some grand ways, to make me feel like I live with Jesus--like I am loved in a very real way everyday by Jesus Christ Himself. Sometimes I feel like shouting, "I get to live with Jesus!!"

This love is so deep and so penetrating, so life-changing and humbling, that I do not merely respect him. I adore him. My love for him verges on worship.

This, this very scenario, is the acting out of Ephesians' call to love and respect. This call is not a 50/50 if this, then that. It is not about if she will respect then he will love and vice versa. How could I possibly ever respect Jesus enough to make Him love me? The Bible is clear that His love has nothing to do with my deeds--in fact, His love is in spite of them. And what does nearly all of the last half of Ephesians 5 deal with? The husband's holy requirement to love like Jesus. This means it is not dependant on the wife at all! If it is, then the gospel is not what He says it is. If it is, then we have been fooling ourselves and the way to heaven can be earned. If it is, then the Bible has little to offer because if we merely respect enough then He will love. If this is the case, then who holds the real power and the true key to our salvation? We do.

This is a very scary logic of thinking that has taken the church captive and slowly edged Jesus out of our marriages and out of our homes.

Even worse is our poor translation of Ephesians 5:33--the entire basis of this love and respect connundrum. Looking at a Bible (the online ones often don't use italics so they aren't reliable for this kind of study), you'll see a few words in italics. These italics mean that those words are not in the original language--they are words the translators added so that the English would make more sense.

Here's how the NASB looks:

Ephesians 5:33

"Nevertheless, each individual among you is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

Look how weird it would sound if the added words (the words in italics) were removed:

"Nevertheless, each individual among you is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must that she respects her husband."

Interestingly, "that" can also be translated as "therefore" or "as a result." That would make Ephesians 5:33 read like,

"Nevertheless, each individual among you is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must as a result respect her husband."

Which translation is correct? The one we've always had because it sounds right or the one that is most closer to the original because it falls in line with every other Scripture about Christ's love?

I say the latter. There is much Greek language study that can prove the latter is true. I know there is something in Greek called the "Hena" (not sure on spelling?) clause that forces the latter to be the most accurate translation. But I am no Greek scholar.

I do know, however, that after Jesus talked to the disciples about marriage in Matthew 19 it says, "The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

Now if Jesus were describing complete submission and undying respect for every husband from every wife regardless of his behavior do you think that the disciples would have replied that way? I doubt it. I doubt that any man would think it better to be single and celibate the rest of his life than to hold to such favorable tenets.

At any rate, marriage blows me away. I am in awe of it and mostly because of the way I see my husband live it out. And to be honest, I don't know that I would have stayed in this marriage if he didn't live it out as he does. But because of the way he holds himself accountable and dies to his own desires and picks up his cross daily, I don't know that I could ever leave! He has become completely and honestly irresistable!