If you've ever been in an ornery mood, read on. If you haven't, then don't waste my time, or yours for that matter, and check back some other time.
It's just been one of those days.
I'd like it to blame it on a colleague of mine. Or that girl in yoga. Or my mother. Or all of the above. But really, it's just little ol' me sticking it out through a tough day.
I lost my baby last fall. After victoriously getting pregnant in August, I was devastated to lose it in September. September 28 to be exact.
To back up a bit, I used to believe that the term "babies" fit only spawning insects. I hated the idea of motherhood, children and anything that might detract from a professional life of something very important. As I matured, so did my attitude (thank the Lord).
But I soon tangled that up and began wanting a child so much I would cry myself to sleep.
I am most definitely of the "one extreme or the other" persuasion.
When I lost her, we truly experienced pain and sorrow. We grew tremendously from this, however, and wouldn't change a thing. But now it's March, practically April, and I'm ready for another go.
Alas, I am not the one in charge. And so, I am ornery. Really, I'm just being nasty. I am mad at the woman I work with, mad at the girl who flakes out on yoga, mad at my mom for...well, for a lot, but that's another story. I am mad because I'm not in control.
I look forward to the future. Not assuming tomorrow is promised, but just the chance to look back at this in retrospect and see how the Lord has been faithful through this all. I have no reason to believe otherwise--He has spent my whole life showing up, making greatness, giving purpose, increasing understanding, creating joy.
I am blessed. I can control my attitude.
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