Monday, March 17, 2008

Turns out, I didn't marry my best friend


I used to love weddings. Then, I had my own.

Ok, that's not entirely true. It's not the wedding; those are nice, lovely parties. It's the marriage I am really talking about.

My husband and I "did everything right," as one friend proclaimed at our rehearsal dinner.

And yet, about a year and a half later, we were separated. I have since learned that most of what lovely, well-intentioned people advise you on your wedding day is gibberish--totally untrue, nothing more than wishful thinking, a lie, merely a funny joke, party conversation.

I started thinking about this today as I was cleaning the house (cleaning is a frightful instigator in my creativity). I clipped a friend's wedding invitation onto our fridge and saw the line "Today I will marry my best friend." Ugh.

To people who have never been married, marriage logic seems to go like this: We love each other, we spend all of our time together. Therefor we should marry so that we never have to say goodbye and can spend our whole life together. (I know this is somewhat accurate; I've thought it myself.)

Other people will often even encourage this line of thinking. Not good.

Heard the line, "just wait 'til the honeymoon's over"? Yeah, that's the one betrotheds ought to heed--it's not a joke.

There's something only very difficult, irritating people will tell you: something you can't describe, can't explain and can hardly observe happens on the honeymoon that changes the both of you forever. And it's not sex.

It's a spiritual exchange where the responsbility for the woman's spirit transfers from her father, to her husband. It's not one of those Bible "should-be's"--it actually happens. And how many new husbands' spirits are healthy, vibrant, connected with the Lord? Their spiritual status suddenly has everything to do with their wife.

Have you ever seen E.T.? Picture the scene toward the end of the movie where Elliot is in class, and E.T. is at Elliot's house drinking a beer. As he continues to drink and then feel sick, Elliot reacts in sync. Even though they are miles apart and physically doing diferent things, their bodies react in unison. It's as if they are one being.

Aahh, welcome to marriage!

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