Fakers

Don't worry--we're totally faking our love for each other. Totally.

*Photo credits: my amazing and talented sister Jessica Erin (this is just a teeny tiny sample of her work)

Kisses Through the Ages

The difference a few months makes:

April 2010--Right around 6 months old

September 2010--Her first birthday

WOW!

Aquarium

Ok, I'll just come out and say it. Rory loves Sea World. Like loves it, loves it. My mom would practically cry every time we even brought up Sea World as a kid--she could hardly stand to think of the beautiful fish and animals caged up where they can see the ocean they belong in but can never be a part of. I know. So sad! So, we're somewhere in the middle here in the Starks' house--love the animals and learning, hate the captivity.

Hence our visit to the local aquarium. I laugh every time I say the words "local" and "aquarium" in the same sentence. We live in Arizona! No local fish culture to speak of, right? Well, turns out the Salt River and oceans in Mexico do have some pretty fascinating swimmers. We ended up having a lot of fun learning about them (we even got to touch a starfish which Dia was not impressed with one bit) and watching them swim (yes, in tanks and yes, I did voice my concern to Rory and Dia about the injustice of it all). Dia was thrilled with the stingrays and every time she put her hand on the glass, they would all clamor to lay against it (you can kind of see it in the first pic up top). She literally jumped about and banged her hands with excitement!

Some memorable pics:

Accessorizing

When you're one year old and just learning to walk, there is nothing more important than the right accessories....

The uber fashionable hip/diaper carry

Here she's "hiding" under the dining table...Not sure if she just wants privacy or thinks she's done something wrong!

So cute!

Today she has been wearing my purse a la a necklace and then carrying it about in her hand as she walks around the house, you know like a proper lady. She absolutely loves holding it!



And I promise I did no encouraging or suggesting! Rory and I turned around and there she was wearing my purse. And then holding it. She is all-girl and wants to be just like...wait for it...ME! AGH! Draw me to You, Lord, so she will see and find Your love in place of my yuckiness. I love you, my girly girl!!!

Insight From the Ordinary

Ok, I have mucho to write about the big 0-1, the first birthday celebration. I am in awe of this girl growing before me and still savoring memories of the baby she was (ok, still is somewhat...I look hard, but she's there), but am loving my days spent with this learning, growing, helping, recognizing, talking, walking child. I find I enjoy her more and more every day--I am constantly amazed at how love really does grow and your heart really does make more and more room for love, joy and affection.

But today I came across two great spiritual-esque lessons I would be sad to leave undocumented.

We recently put in new floors. Our 7-year-old home had been pleading with me to get rid of the original carpet so we (Rory) put in wood laminate style flooring. We love it! But I have to tell you, it feels dirtier. I actually second-guess my house-cleaning skills much more often with the sleek, no-where-for-the-dirt-to-hide-flooring. I will clean it, sweep and mop and pick up after us and then in no time, there the dirt (or dog hair in our case) will be! This is somewhat maddening. But I realized today what this floor is--it's my life. The carpet worked fine, really it did. Sure it was fairly old, but it still had shape and color and a good shampoo kept it looking pretty good. It also did something else--it hid. Everything. Dog hair, dirt, even small bugs could get lost in the fibers. Not so with the laminate. Here, my friend, we lay it all out--the yuck, the stunk, the messy collective shaggy and staticy dog hairs. And this is my life--I could "keep the carpet" and never truly know how messy I am. Or I could rip that sucker out and let everything get full exposure. I'll admit it's more work. But I am also confident that it's a lot more clean. And this is my (and our family's) life modus operati to lay it out, and ideally let the Good Cleaner go in with the swiffer and make us shine!

This other analogy actually brought tears to my eyes. While I was cleaning said flooring this morning, I started out just using a washcloth from the sink to scrub some particularly yucky spots on our kitchen tile. And like a mouse with a cookie, I ended up scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing. Suffice to say, the formerly white washcloth was now several shades of dirty. I left it in a corner while I swept and swiffered other areas of the house, telling myself to just put it in the dirty clothes straightaway so that Dia wouldn't get to it. Which, of course, I didn't do. After some cleaning and straightening around the house I came back to the kitchen where Dia was rubbing that washcloth on her legs and holding tight to her chest and then head as if she were a queen with a crown. And for a split-second the Lord held off my inner germaphobe and said, "See that! Your child loves you so much she will hold and cradle even your dirty rags. She has no fear of your yuckiness but only wants to be so close to anything and everything you touch--so much so, that your filthy washcloth is like a fancy crown." And then He said, "Can you do that with My dirty rags? Can you hold even the filthy cloth as if it were a jewel simply because I touched it?" And I seemed to understand that He meant I should not be afraid of His dirty work. I should instead run to even the dirtiest of rags simply because He touched them! So that anything He touches becomes instantly dear to me--even a dirty old washcloth. Do I sit at his feet and even glow with pride to touch His dirty old rags as Dia did with mine? God uses this beautiful lovebug to teach me a lot.

I also killed two scorpions and made a funky soup. So you know, just another day in the Starks' household!

'Twas the Night Before A First Birthday

One year ago tonight, the contractions had started. All the hope and and anticipation and a fair share of fear and trepidation one can experience, showered over me as my body began making way for my girl. We ate Pick Up Stix in the kitchen and waited and counted. Eventually we walked back and forth in front of the house, more counting, more contracting, increasing pain and excitement.

If it were a year ago, the doctor would be almost on her way. Her assistant, even closer. If it were a year ago, I would only sleep in five minute increments throughout the night, listening to the snores and sleep sounds of my husband and birth team as they sacrificed a night of comfort for my girl. If it were a year ago, I would only know partial joy. I would only be partially alive. Partially here. Partially me.

If it were a year ago, I wouldn't know how to diaper using cloth (Rory read up on it, not me). I wouldn't know how to wiggle snot out of a pipe-cleaner size nostril using a large blue bulb while wrestling a toddler-size fish using only my knee and elbow. If it were a year ago, I would have absolutely no clue how much I ADORE peek-a-boo, high-fives, listening to the sweet high-pitched sounds of the backseat, singing "All Around the Mullberry Tree," and putting on mommy's necklaces. If it were only a year ago, I would not have known sore breasts, flab just about everywhere and countless fears I never before existed.

A year ago I had no idea what to expect. I imagined the life within, the gift to come, the reality of a person on the brink of this side of oxygen-filled breath. And the minute I saw her, I knew her. "Oh! You. Yes, of course. It was always you." And the last 365 days or so she has shown herself to me. Wow. What a fun-loving, giggling, smiling and waving, friend-making, room/floor/wall and everything exploring, learning soaking absorbing, silly-making tall blonde sunflower of a girl.

Tonight we had Pick Up Stix in memoriam. But this time, oh, let me tell you the joy of this time this year! We left before they could kick us out (someone tends to shake her food all over the table til it hits the floor, ahem, I mean, covers the floor) and made our way to the grass out front. Where we proceeded to wave to every arriving and departing car and its various passengers, spilling even more food on the grass which made us giggle and giggle. We forcefully made our case for being able to walk into the street by ourselves, though to no avail. We walked and walked and walked insisting mommy hold both hands (mommy cannot express the awe of being needed and wanted in such an innocent way by her love girl) up and down the sidewalk, shreiking with glee when we saw the older girl walking with her parents. We drank juice and water and spilled a lot of both on our dress that was covered in dust, dirt and food from our fun night of memory-making and remembering. And we had absolutely compeletely no idea how much Mom was filled with joy, to overflowing.

A year! Her first. My first. Our first. Happy birthday, India June! I am so glad you are here.

Tomorrow...we party!

Does It Feel Like Autumn?

This lovely recipe sure can make it taste like it! (Sub agave or honey for the sugar though)

http://www.mothering.com/recipes/pan-apple-pancakes

It Has Begun

This is the week where I no longer use months to account for my baby's age. "She's just about one," I say now. It's coming. On Saturday. It's practically here. Year one of babyhood and mommyhood and parenthood and really what feels like life just beginning is done. And yet, it is still so just beginning.

I want to post a bit someday about the huge waves of triumph and travail my husband and I experienced this year. (Didn't think we were gonna make it there a few times...) I want to post also someday (soon) to ask if anyone knows who I am anymore. Not sure I do! I have a lot of stream-of-consciousness posting going on in my head, but I am still in it. And write (and think) better in retrospect. So, I guess those are hints at coming attractions.

But yes, this week is a milestone. I feel exhilarated and frozen all in one! And often times, feel ridiculous for making so much of a first birthday. But when it came up with some moms at the library last week, they both got teary-eyed--one remembering her daughter's, the other anticipating. And that would be my best advice from this first year--find yourself some moms. Moms like you and moms not like you (cause it's more interesting conversation that way and, just maybe, you will learn something). But moms. Moms. Moms. Moms. I have cried leaving playdates before, just because it felt SO GOOD to talk with other moms. I have my mom. And love talking with her. I even have my mom-in-law. But moms raising their babies in the here and now "get" me in a way few others can. And how great it is to be "gotten!"

So thank you moms. Thank you, thank you, thank you. For just being you! For raising your kids, for loving them so much, for listening to me rant, for loving my daughter. And really, in so many ways, for loving me. I literally could not have done it without you.

AAAAAAAGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!!!

It happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Got Belly?

While I keep waiting for the last twenty or so pounds to just fall off....waiting....waiting...., I do still enjoy my body. It's not perfect, anywhere near model or photographic quality, but it is still a temple. A temple and a testament. And my daughter's first housing. And as Dia demonstrates, loving your body is an attitude, best done when looking intently at what fascinates you and you alone and not worrying one bit about your audience or the other baby down the street. :)

Plus, bellies are just fun!

For Oma

Rory's grandfather is in town, so we took the opportunity for a four-generation picture:

From left to right: Rory, India, Opa (Adolf Bergler), Oma (Sonja Bergler-Starks)

After The Ocean, A Pool

As impossible as it sounds, I haven't been in a pool since about before Dia was born. I read once about the chlorine in pools and their effects on mommies and babies and one hint at the harshness it could cause my Joyness was all I needed to stay away. But after returning from Cali, we made a special trip to Rory's parents' house (to pick up Pee-poe, whom they were dog-sitting for us) and the Starks family made their first splash:


My mom is a water-grammy (she was born a water-baby like Dia) and has a special bond with Dia and the water. So now that we've officially "jumped in" Dia lurches right for my mom as soon as she sees her when we get to her house and the two of them make a beeline for the pool!

*Dia, if you're reading this someday, I apologize for my weird beliefs and the non-traditional literature I keep coming across that kept you from the fun pool for nearly a year! However, I am your mom. And I love you. And would cut off my own hair (limbs, skin, etc.) if I thought it would help you in any way. So, hopefully, you're all grown-up now and can just laugh and say, "Oh, Mom." Which I will know in all my wisdom really means, "Thanks, I love you, too."

Two-Word Sentences!

I'll be honest--my mom is crazy. Ok, well not crazy as much as crazy proud of her daughters. So much so that she often seems to be exaggerating stories from our apparently genius-spotted childhoods. So when she told me that Dia went outside with her and said, "Hi pool" (that would be a TWO word sentence, friends), I admit I kind of brushed her off. I know--I am horrible! But then Sunday morning she woke up looking for Depot (Pee-poe) and when he came around to the bedside as is our morning tradition, she said, "Hi Pee-poe"!!! And then, "Hi Papa." She acts all non-chalant, as if to say, "What? You say it all the time, Mom." But it just thrills me!

She's growing and developing so fast--she understands to wave hello or goodbye on command, blows kisses (with her own version of the "muah" sound), gives "lippers" (kisses--Rory trained her!) where she actually puckers and leans in, gives high five, calls all food "apple" (this is great fun and we have her perform this "trick" constantly because it is just so cute--she emphasizes the "app" and then trails off with a drawn out "lllll") and now has put two words together.

Gotta tell you, as emotional as I still am about her first birthday, watching her grow is a highlight of my life. So in the words of Dia, "Hi pool."

A Super Big Very Important So Exciting First

Last week we took Dia to the beach for the first time! This is the same beach I spent my summers on as a young girl, so it was sweetly special to show it to Dia and play with her on the same spots I used to. And like just about everything else so far, while the beach is spectacular, it's nothing until you take your child!

You'll notice we did our best to keep her sun-protected--doesn't she look cute?! Let me tell you, kids don't like to wear hats! But even with taking it off and putting it back on and more taking it off, I definitely think it helped more than it hindered. Plus these great swim clothes they make these days, did wonders. As did California Baby sunblock--non-toxic (well, as non-toxic as chemical creams can be) and nice and thick it did a great job. In fact, Dia doesn't have as much as a tan line after ten days outside in the Cali sun.

Is there anything more fun than beach time with your baby?! She loved everything about the water and when we would turn the corner as the ocean came into view, she would flap her hands and make a long, drawn out "Oooooohhhhhh!!!!" What a thrill!


My sister Jessica was also out visiting at the same time, so she and Dia got to spend lots of quality time.

Sonny's is one of the best Italian restaurants and Dia fit right in--about as well as that rigatoni fit on her finger! :)


We found a fun little fountain and Dia tossed a penny in--lots of fun and special little firsts.

Dia and I got to spend time with my Grandmother, her Great-Grandma (who doesn't look a day past fabulous), at her California house.

At Great-Grandma's California house--she knew just what Dia would enjoy: more water!

She discovered on this trip that she preferred pushing the stroller instead of sitting in it! She would knee-walk it on concrete, cobblestones, anything. Tough cookie! It was great to be able to 1. WALK everywhere! 2. Enjoy the paradisaic weather.



Playing in the sand with Papa--he buried her, dug holes with her, you name it.

Airplane sighting!

Last beach day snack--french fries and a veggie patty from the snack bar!

And lots of sweet sweet love.

Piggy What?

Piggy Tails!

(They must give her an extra energy boost, too, because it was practically mission impossible to get a good photo! But this milestone just has to be recorded nonetheless!)