A Surprise Blessing

The Lord gave me a gift today. A new view. A source of freedom and even excitement.

I have been dreading the month of August. Since about February I have been feeling a heaviness in my bones about the upcoming August. And it had nothing to do with the heat.

Here's a bit from my journal entry on the 18th of August:

"The eighteenth. The eighteenth of every month jumps out of the calendar with a shout of joy--my Dia was born on an eighteenth. Eighteenth of September to be exact. That makes her ten months old today. TEN MONTHS. I have already cried and "lost it" several times and it isn't even eleven am. I don't know why, but ten months feels like a milestone. Only two months from her first birthday--and counting."

Yes, that's right. I have become a melodramatic "that" kind of mom. I have been sensing with some dread my first born's first birthday.

I couldn't be happier that she is growing and thriving...it's just hard to swallow that this year (dare I call it that quite yet?!) really is slipping through my fingers. I have intentionally worked to savor this year, not rush through anything. And yet, it is still ending. (This seems incredibly unfair, by the way. If I savor and not rush, I should get a few bonus weeks.)

So today was a welcome reprieve. Today Dia and I went shopping. I intentionally kept her awake on the drive over there, thinking she would sleep while I shopped and tried on clothes. Instead, she soaked up every minute of "mall" time. She enjoyed looking through racks and would smile big when I tried on outfits (especially colorful ones). She waved at people (especially elderly ones) and chewed on a hanger or two. We spent a good three hours between Macy's, Starbucks and a few random stores and she was so much fun to be with! I have heard some moms prefer to have their kids watched at home while they shop and while I can understand that, today I wouldn't have done it any other way.

And so, while I have been giving my tear ducts a thorough cleansing several times in anticipation of the big o-n-e, today the Lord really encouraged me with the young girl who is growing up already as one of my best friends.

She really is just so much fun! I actually enjoy her company. And even though she usually only responds with mama, uh-oh, or uhn-uhn-uhn, I even enjoy talking with her.

Thank You, Lord for such delight, love and beauty wrapped in skin, strenthened by bone and a determined inner-will! Everyday of this last year has been full of wonder and a true inner joy I never before knew possible.

Look out, world. Dia's on her way!

(As you can see from the photo, Dia loves loves loves her mama's makeup drawer. :) She even carries my make-up brushes around the house with her.)